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Help is Available – A Testimony

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Written by Ann – Angels by Grace Pub. Feb. 1998

In my work as a counselor I have had the opportunity to work with many young people and their parents. Unfortunately, in my role I have also witnessed many children living in abusive or impoverished homes.

Some children have had to be removed from their own families for various reasons, including sexual abuse, deprivation of basic needs, neglect, severe cigarette burns, and other forms of physical abuse.

In many cases, sadly, the abuse took place by a biological parent or relative. It is not uncommon for the child to remain a victim into adulthood because his/her primary care-givers do not support her not take measures to ensure that these occurrences do not continue.

Care-givers can also have their own prior mistreatment that they have not dealt with. Fear, lack of compassion, lack of appropriate parenting skills, can also be a factor. At times their own denial that a problem exists that hurts the child will cause them to be unable, or unwilling to stand by the child. The child’s problems will then be magnified because she feels emotionally, and /or, physically abandoned.

A female acquaintance recently shared with me her own story of healing the wounds from years of physical and sexual abuse from her father.

For years she has held these secrets inside. Just like many children have said, “Because I was afraid.” Afraid that she would be blamed. Afraid that no one would believe her. Afraid that her Mom would not love her anymore and her mother wouldn’t be able to support the family, emotionally or financially.

She also stated that she feared what would happen to her family. Where would they live? Afraid that her father would beat her, afraid of the impact on the entire family.

She was afraid that her father would go back to jail, he had previously served a prison sentence for physically assaulting and attempting rape on a woman. She also stated that she felt guilty for the time her father did spend time in jail. He couldn’t hurt then.

She felt guilty for feeling grateful for her father’s jail time because his jail time made the rest of the family feel sad. Could she have come forward with her own truth and cause him to return to jail? She felt such enormous shame and guilt.

As she works with youngsters now, she can see where her thinking had been illogical. I reminded her that she was seeing through the eyes of a child. The child experience and lack of resources.

She explained that she wanted to go public with her story but asked me instead, to tell about her experiences. It is her desire to protect the privacy of each family member. She feels it would cause them suffering.

My acquaintance wants you, the readers, to understand the suffering and long lasting impact on her life that the scars carry. As she described to me the current trauma, a growing cancer inside her body, she gained strength and courage from being able to finally, step out of her isolating silence.

I also explained to her that she is one of the “lucky ones.” Through her faith in God, her strength, and personal resilience, she made it. She has made her life’s work helping children to have healthy self-esteem. She helps them to develop their own inner resources to become survivors.

With tremendous support from several close friends, her church, her therapist, and God’s help, she is finally healing.

Our children of today need to be listened to, heard, and understood. They do not have to suffer alone and in silence. The painful memories can haunt them forever. Children should not have to carry such a heavy burden through life by themselves. Help IS available!


Blessings to you.

Lady in the Mirror – A Testimony

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Written by Barbara – Angels by Grace Feb. 1997

For thirty seven years I have felt shame and guilt. I had no self worth and felt very ugly.

These are some of the feelings that was the result of sexual abuse done to me and also being raped by various people on various occasions when I was between the ages of five and seventeen.

Because of that abuse when I looked in the mirror I saw distortions. Like when you look in a mirror at the carnival. That’s how I saw myself and I hated what I saw.

Since I have been in the Angel Group Support Group I am now able to look in the mirror and see the tears and feel the pain. I can look at my image in the mirror and see what God sees. He sees me as beautiful and He loves me. I now look in the mirror and say aloud, “I love you” and feel I can love myself, now. You see God has always been with me. I can now feel His warm and loving arms around me.

My prayer:

God, thank you for showing me the truth. I can now love myself and others. Please be with those that are suffering. In Jesus Name. Amen

I love you all.


Christian based support groups help!

Blessings to you.

A testimonial letter to Jesus

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Dear Jesus:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I haven’t wanted to talk to You most of the time during these past few weeks. I don’t feel close, yet I know You’re with me. I don’t want to open Your Word or even go to church. “Why?” keeps popping into my mind. Yet I don’t really care why.

I know I’m getting tired of feeling like this. I can’t work, I can’t do the hobbies I enjoy. I can’t serve You as I have in the past or as I should. It’s You that does these things through me. I know that. But I don’t even want to pray, Lord!

If I don’t care why, then why am I writing this? If this experience is to show me I can’t do anything without You, I already know that. I want to scream, “So what’s going on?” but I don’t want the answer, either. I’m messed up, Lord. I’m at a place I don’t remember being before I became a Christian. And yes, it’s very obvious that I’m operating out of the flesh. Part of me is screaming, “So what, I am human!”

I feel like I’m mad at You and I don’t know why. This feels like the time I was really hurting and You allowed me to go through that in front of others. Boy, was I a mess then! And I didn’t like that any more than I like this. I don’t see what the lesson is here. Are You using this experience as a lesson for someone else? I want to shout, “Where’s the lesson?” But I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

Choices? Consequences? You’ve led me to those type verses the few times I’ve opened Your Word this past few weeks. I did read them before I slammed the Bible closed. Is that what all of this is about? Are You showing me I do have choices? That the lost feeling that seems to permeate me now, comes from those choices?

Lord, there’s anger, frustration, agitation. All sorts of negative feelings swirling around inside me. Why? Where does it come from? I care – I don’t. I want – I don’t want. I even feel, “So what?” It’s all here inside me.

I guess it’s up to me now, right? I can ask for Your understanding, ask You, “Why?” Part of me doesn’t want to know. Doesn’t care. That doesn’t make sense, either. I know this relationship is team work. You and me have to work together to accomplish whatever we endeavor. This part of the team doesn’t seem to care any more. Yet, I do.

Instead of me “waiting on the Lord, ” I think You, Christ, are waiting on me. Waiting until I want Your help, want You as an intricate part of my life again. Which, by the way, I never understood anyway. I never deserved You in the first place. So where’d You go? How come You left?

Lord, I know You haven’t left. I have. And I don’t know how to get back. Or, if I want to. I gave You my life. You’re my Shepherd. Come find this lost lamb, ’cause I’m scared.

The answer I was given is found in John 1:48-51

Name withheld by request – Angels by Grace Pub. – April 1998


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Blessings to you.

A Testimony- Let Me Tell You A Story


After several years of depressive states, thoughts of suicide, a self image that was barely floor level, and a feeling of being totally and completely alone with years of going in and out of therapy I was sent into an abyss so dark and deep I thought I would never see the light of day ever again.

Then, what I thought was the worst happened. I was diagnosed as a multiple personality. In layman terms, I had all these “Little people” running around inside my brain. I was nuts! Or thought I was. Because so little was known about Multiples I began to devour any information I could about my disorder. I tried to prove my therapist wrong. I tried to deny it within myself. I was wrong on both counts. Everything fit! And when the “others” began to speak through me, out my mouth, I could no longer deny the truth.

The memories from the past poured forth. The horrors of a life time could not be denied, particularly when my abuser admitted it was all true. Believe me this was not an easy trip to take. I was not a Christian. I wasn’t even sure there was a God. If there was, He sure didn’t like me. At least I didn’t think so.

Then, as though I didn’t have enough to handle with all these “others.” My husband passed away. Now I knew God didn’t like me! Wrong again. I found myself before a Minister. God had just picked me up and plunked me down before His alter. I didn’t know why I was there or what was going on. But I found myself accepting Christ into my life. I was at the bottom. I was not only broken but I had nothing to live for. A dead husband and when I had started asking my family questions about my past some got rather hostile because I was exposing the abuse. I felt my only road was straight to hell with a gun at my head. (I’m very serious.)

God had other plans for me, unbeknownst to me. Within days after I was saved Christ began to reveal what really happened that caused me to be Multiple. What His truths were about it.  It not only explained the unanswered questions but shed light on why things happened. He did this over a period of time.

Over the past year my life has taken a complete turn for the better. Before, all I could think of was how I wanted to die, to be rid of these voices coming out of my mouth, how I wanted to be with the only person I felt ever loved me and now was dead. I wanted to be dead! Christ said, “NO!” He said the old me would die, but I would be healed of those wounds and made new.

I am new! I have a whole new life and that’s certainly new for me. I study and try to learn what God has been trying to get through my thick head for years, as I walked away. His path will lead you in directions that only He knows where. If you listen – If you pay attention – If you are obedient to what He tells you – If you pray from your heart and soul……………. YOU WILL BE HEALED. I was multiple and now I’m not.

Christ’s miracles are there if you ask Him. This is my true, short version, story.

Name withheld by request. – Angels by Grace – Nov. 1994


If you have confidential comments/questions feel free to e-mail me at:

Blessings to you.


A Testimony – “Touched by an Angel”

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Have you ever been touched by an angel? I can honestly say since I have grown in my recovery and closer to the Lord, that I have been touched by many angels. I probably won’t be able to name them all but I am going to tell you about some of them.

My first angel, I would have to say, would be my husband, John. God sent him to me when I was living on my own, having a hard time with finances, and wanting to go to school. This man, I had only known for three months, decided to help me with my career. We’ve now been married for ten years.

My other encounter with an angel, I would have to say, would be my two boys. They have been the biggest blessing to me and our home.

Before I was hospitalized last year for attempted suicide and depression, Satan had me believing that the only reason why I was born was to have these two boys and that my work was done here on earth, that I was a terrible mother, wife, and friend. Satan tried to make me believe that the world was a better place without me and that God was calling me home. (I really believed this.)

I was so miserable here on earth that Satan made me believe that God wanted to take my pain away by having me commit suicide. God did want to lift my pain, but not the way Satan had said.

God sent another angel my way, my therapist. She is a Christian and I know God put us together for a reason, although I haven’t figured it out yet, but I know and trust Christ to lead me, and us, in the right direction.

The next angel came while I was in the hospital. Dr. M. has been a blessing since day one. She and my therapist have well gone above and beyond the call of duty in the therapist and patient relationship. Dr. M. has spent many nights with me late in her office and my therapist has spent her week-ends on the phone with me to help me through some rough times.

I don’t think people realize the impact that sexual abuse has on a person. You are robbed of your childhood, you have a lousy relationship with your parents, and in my case, family members that don’t believe that someone in my family could do this to me. “I must be making it up.” So I have been trying to function in this world with my family as though nothing had ever happened to me as a child.  Trying to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, a Sunday School teacher, and whatever other duties life has asked me to do. (Does this sound familiar?) Then one day I just broke down and didn’t know why. I just did not want to live any more.

It has taken me over a year to realize that all the people, situations, and places that God has put me in over the past year, that I really am lucky to be here. I have had several suicide attempts. Some really rough week-ends, days just trying to make it through the day. Why? I keep asking God why? And the only reason that I can come up with is that we are all placed here for a reason. We are not to make the decision when our life is to end.

We are not our judges. There is only one and that is God Himself. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone except to me. I am a survivor and I am loved, if not by others, by Jesus Himself. The reason He had for creating me might have been to teach Sunday School for three years and touch a life, or get a job and touch a life, or join a support group and touch a life. Maybe not even to touch a life but change someone’s thinking. Make them smile, give them encouragement when things are not going so well for them. They might not know it but some day they can say they have been touched by an angel.

Because we are all angels in God’s eyes. We were put here on earth to love and care for one another. That is exactly what angels do! And they do it unconditionally without asking anything in return.

I want to thank all the people that God has put in my life. And all the angels He has sent my way. Even though I fought hard to push many people away, thank you Jesus for not giving up on me and for sending more and more angels my way. I know I need all of the help I can get.

I am still very much in recovery. I have a long way to go. I know that I am not alone, that You will be by my side the whole walk and just getting over the hurdle and finding out that there are wonderful people out there wanting to help me, people who love me, support me, and don’t want to hurt me.

Trust is a big issue for anyone who has been abused in any way, shape, or form. The Lord is constantly telling us, over and over again, in the Bible, “Trust in Me and I will lead you to a place of everlasting love and peace.”

The answer is not suicide. That is not our decision to make. The answer is trusting and believing in the Lord Jesus Christ.

My prayer for all who read this: May you find happiness, peace, and love in this life that God has so greatly blessed us with. It may have started out not being so wonderful, but look at it this way, if the first twenty years of your life was terrible, then make the next twenty years the best that they can be.

Touch a life that may need a little encouragement, we are all God’s angels. He is by no means through with us and He has not given up on us. So please don’t give up on you.

Written by Caroline. Angels by Grace – Dec. 1995


Enjoy the comfort in the words of this song.

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at:

Blessings to you.