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I’ve Been Set Free, But…

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So many years ago there was so much hurt and pain. The years of childhood were not happy ones and even though we go through many years of hard-core therapy to overcome those memories we can still be plagued by them.

How do we deal with the flashbacks, the times when we jerk straight up in bed awakened by a dream so real it feels like we’re reliving the event? Do we ignore what the Lord may be showing us through a dream? Do we assume it is a nightmare the devil is taunting us with? Do we wipe the sweat off our brow and finally go back to sleep ignoring it?

Several years have been spent reliving the traumatic events of an abusive childhood, the emotional attacks as well as the physical attacks. Child abuse leaves wounds to our hearts that seems to penetrate to the very cells of our bodies. God, with all His infinite wisdom, knows our past, our present, and our future.

He came that we may enjoy life. He came to give us the freedom to live an abundant life. Abundance does not mean just finances. It means freedom from pain and suffering.  It means that we do not have to live with memories of terror that leave us screaming, crying, and wanting to end it all. It means that He has given us a way to break the chains that bind us to our abuser/s.

Even after many years of therapy we will still remember the events that caused us so much pain. God does not give us amnesia so we never remember again. We can wallow in those memories and relive the pain, hold on to the anger that follows, let the bitterness turn our hearts to stone or we can sever the ties that bind us to them. If we do not sever those ties our abuser is still controlling us!

In Matthew 18:21,22 Peter came to the Lord and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”  When we have those dreams, when we suddenly find an event that caused us so much pain come throbbing through our brain, or words that the abuser growled in our ear, isn’t that much like the sin is being perpetrated again? It feels like it.

But what did Jesus tell Peter? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” This is what breaks the ties that the devil is using to keep us bound! Every time a mental image comes of the abusive act say out loud, “I forgive (name the person) for (say what he/she did to you) in Jesus name. Satan hates forgiveness! You are naming the event that has been brought to mind.

In the case of an abuser’s hateful words being replayed, we do not have to tolerate the devil harassing us with hurtful statements from the past! When the devil starts spouting how horrible I am or how I’m nothing I say the 4 words that Michael said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you!” (Jude 1:9)

The Lord forgives us and says He will not forgive us our sin if we do not forgive others theirs. Saying a prayer of forgiveness for something horrendous that was done to us does not cover all time! It isn’t like a one size fits all. We are to forgive over and over and over again if that is what is needed, and many times that is exactly what is needed!

Every dream, every memory, every mental picture, comes from either the Lord, to show us something important that He wants to bring to our attention or heal, the devil to taunt us and keep us in pain, or ourselves because we haven’t healed. Regardless of who, what, or where the memory comes from if we announce out loud “I forgive….” we benefit! The abusers hateful words being slammed into our memory you can bet comes from the devil. Rebuke him in Jesus name!

I’ve done this many, many times and it stops the enemy in his tracks! The Lord does not taunt us with painful memories! In my experience, if it is the Lord, He has done it through dreams, not nightmares, but dreams that will leave me wondering what He is trying to show me. Occasionally it will be a mental picture. I do not ignore either. I told the Lord one time after forgiving my abuser for what he did that came to mind, “I don’t feel that in my heart.” I learned that we speak it out and in time it will enter and come from our heart.

We are not only set free from the deep wounds to our soul and spirit from an abusive childhood or an abusive relationship but we are given a tool to use against the memories that on occasion jump up unexpectantly. We have been healed and no longer have to live in emotional torment. That does not mean we will never have to revisit some of those events but a revisit does not mean living it! You have been set free or you are being set free. Walk in that freedom!

“Whom the Lord sets free is free indeed.” Jn. 8:36

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Blessings to you.

 

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“Had it not been for a Support Group…” A Testimony.

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Forgiveness is a Choice

Written by Jeri R.  Angels by Grace Pub. – July 2003

Had it not been for a support group I was a member of about a year ago, I probably would not be writing this testimony.

I can remember the day that I went to make arrangements to have chemo. I was on my way home from making the appointment when I suddenly thought, “I will call my mother as soon as I get home” and then the most overwhelming feeling passed over me. I can’t describe it.

I said to myself, as I drove on, “After all the things that she had done to my sister and I, regardless of how she always handled our situation, that I would never be able to discuss anything with her again.”

My mother handled the sexual abuse of my sister and I with denial and cursing us. She called us both liars and I finally gave up trying to talk to her about anything.

Driving along the road leading home from the doctors office I felt real sadness, realizing I couldn’t even tell her that I now have cancer.  I know that I would not have felt anything; good, bad, or indifferent about her had it not been for the teaching in the support group on forgiveness.

I will always be thankful to the leaders for showing me and others how important it is to forgive. I made a choice to finally forgive my mother after all these years the night of that teaching. With the love and support of the others in the group I forgave my mother and that forgiveness has lifted so much hurt from my heart.

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NOTE: Jeri was in her late 70’s and was a very angry controlling woman when she was finally able to forgive. She called me the next morning yelling, “What did you do to me?!” Upon questioning her, her final reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone any more! What did you do to me!?” I smile remembering this beautiful woman.

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Blessings to you.

Testimony – Its Still Happening Today!

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I am a thirty one year old in recovery from satanic ritual abuse as well as sexual abuse. I was born into an occult that involved my mother, father, and grandfather on my mother’s side. My grandfather was the head of the whole thing.

From the time I was born I was sexually abused and used as a “pure” sacrifice for all kinds of satanic rituals. You see in an occult world sex is praise and worship to Satan, much like our singing praise and worship to God. In the occult world when you have a child who has not been touched, much can be gained by those in charge who have the power to give “legal rights” over to the enemy, at the expense of the child of course. That’s what happened to me.

To my mother and father I was considered an experiment. My mother didn’t want to have children, but she had me for the purposes of the occult.  My grandfather died when I was four years old and that seemed to unleash all the resentment and bitterness within my mother and she turned those emotions on me, full force.

In my mothers mind she was going to put the experimental child, me, in its place. So she took me before the occult council and had them degrade me. She considered that putting me in my place on the spiritual level. “Spiritual” being of Satan.  After the meeting with the council she took me to a room and ….

…………………..I’m leaving blank due to being graphic…………………..

When I awoke and it was discovered that I was still breathing my mother assigned me a new role to take on in life. “You are not my daughter. You are my slave!” she told me firmly. “You are to do as you are told, you are not to speak, you have no opinion, and most of all you have no choices!” she continued to shout.

I have since looked up the definition of “Slave” and another word comes up, “Servitude.” Which means having no liberty to do as one pleases. It’s a lack of freedom to determine one’s course of action or way of life. To sum it up, that was me!

The funny thing is that I never took to her teachings. When my mother went from church to church, making trouble and causing chaos, I was hanging onto every word my Sunday School teacher was saying about Jesus. I accepted Jesus into my heart and He has been living there for a very long time.

I have now been in what I call hard core counseling. The Lord has been revealing to me the “legal rights” to my soul that was given to Satan by my grandfather and parents. What is awesome is that Christ has been taking back those rights from Satan. Satan no longer retains any rights over my life.

Christ has also taken me back to that room where……….(graphic)

You see, when I left that room as a slave child I left my true self behind. Christ has since placed me back in there, telling me I was to come out of that slave mentality. But in order to get out of that horrible room I had to get past the people that put me there.

I was scared to death to even face those people much less walk near them. But I decided to trust in the Lord and with His help I confronted and faced the evil. This time I put them in their place! And with that I walked out of that room holding Jesus hand.

Because of Jesus walking through those memories with me I received much release. Inner freedom just washed through me. I am no longer living with the slave mentality or playing that role. Best of all I no longer feel like a slave inside. I am so very free and I now have a sense of security within myself that no one else can give but God.

I have forgiven my mother and father but it is not necessary for me to have any kind of relationship with them. Why? Because they continue to practice devil worship to this day. I have wonderful friends, a church family, and besides, I have the most wonderful Father. My heavenly Father. And maybe some day He will even bless me with a family of my own.

It is a miracle to me that I have survived my upbringing and that I never took any interest in my parents activities or Satan worship. I worship God through His Son Jesus Christ.

Let me say that the road to recovery has been anything but smooth. With Jesus holding my hand, my willingness to face, head on, the bumps and obstacles of healing, has enabled me to overcome much. Jesus truly healed so many wounded emotions as well as my broken heart. If it weren’t for Him I would not be a survivor. It is because of His mercy, His grace, His strength, and most of all, His Name has protected me and He’s guided me through it all. God bless.

Debbie M. – Elah Publication -June 2003

Note: Debbie has since graduated college, has a Master’s degree in education and is married and has 2 children.

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