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Place Your Pain With Him – A Testimony

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This is a testimony I gave before a church congregation several years ago. (Sue)

 

“…You saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a Father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Duet. 1:31

In this verse the reference is to the Israelites being led from Egypt to the Promised Land. As they followed the path that Christ led them along they suffered many trials and tribulations.

For us today, this verse can mean that Christ has carried us from areas that we dwelled in, or are now dwelling in; darkness, sadness, feelings of being alone. Many of us have been in such situations, where we feel so alone that we wonder if there really is a God.

I didn’t know the love of Christ because my parents didn’t believe in Him. If the adults in our lives do not believe, they will not pass on that Jesus Christ is our saving grace. How can a man or woman, who put their selfish need ahead of the welfare of their children, hand down Christian love? How can they show the unconditional love of Jesus Christ?

When human needs; alcohol, sex, gambling, or even a job that requires 80 hours a week, are prominent in a home, there is no room for the children’s needs, caring, or Christian love.  If children are being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused they are in an atmosphere of pain, suffering, and putting the adults needs ahead of any child’s needs.

The child is thrown in the arena of sin, in an environment filled with sinful deeds that the innocent child has no power to control. When we as adults replace unconditional love with drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse we all suffer, not just the children.

Those of you who have experienced a home where drugs and alcohol are predominant – where is the unconditional love displayed? In a fix? In a bottle? What about those of us who have been ignored emotionally? Is this what Christ calls Agape love? We have been set aside until our presence is forced upon others.

The responsibility of parents (adults) toward children is stated plainly in scripture:

“Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Prov. 22:6

“Assemble the people before Me to hear My words

so that they may learn to revere Me

as long as they live in the land

and may teach them to their children.”

Duet. 4:10

It is the adults responsibility to lead children toward Christ, not away. Those responsibilities are all of ours. The spiritual, as well as the physical and emotional is placed in our hands by the Father God. When we shirk those duties the children suffer. They are not taught Christ’s teachings, but the lessons of humans. They see Satan at work, not Christ.

How can children believe we have a loving God if all of their experiences evolve around evil? They can’t! And as adults that grew up in that environment, we carry those same belief systems with us – unless there is someone who will bring the light of Jesus Christ before us.

When I was growing up in an abusive, dysfunctional home I would not have known His light. A neighbor took the time and invited me to their church, and because being away from the house for a few hours meant I would be free from the abuse for that length of time I went.

The minister spoke about Jesus, who I had only heard of briefly. At 7 years old I heard the minister say that Jesus would save us. In my ears I heard, “save me,” (from the abuse) so I went to the altar to ask the preacher if Jesus would save me.

That altar call did not stop my abuse. But it did save me, although I did not know it at the time. I now know that Jesus Christ stood at that altar beside me, holding my small hand He cried just as hard as I did.

Forty something years later I invited the Lord into my heart, mind, and soul. He has brought me from the devastation of years of sexual abuse, the years of being beaten and humiliated,  through the pain of being gang raped at an early age, the years of being married to an alcoholic, womanizing, wife-beating husband who died at the wrong end of a gun, and the devastation I felt when I lost the only human being I ever trusted, the husband the Lord brought me, my late husband.

He has brought me through years and years of pain, guilt, fear, and shame to where I can stand tall, stand here before all these people and tell you unequivocally that the only healing, the only hope we have from the pains we had in the past and the places we are right now in life’s situations is Jesus Christ.

He suffered as we have suffered. He knows the sting of insults, the searing pain of wounds being inflicted by physical abuse, the feelings of being left alone and deserted. He not only walked in our shoes – He died there.  You don’t have to die as Jesus did. You don’t have to dwell in the darkness of feeling alone, forgotten, or cast aside. The Lord Jesus is right here. He’s sitting right beside you!

Reach out and take His hand. Let Him lead you through the wilderness you may be feeling. He can, He will heal the wounds from the past and those that you have right now.  Let Him fill your heart with a peace like you have never known before. You can only feel that peace if  you invite Him in.

Allow the Lord to carry you once again, He knows your needs, trust in Him and walk free.

“You dear children, are from God and have overcome them,

because the One who is in you is greater

than the one who is in the world.

They are from the world and therefore speak from the world,

and the world listens to them.

We are from God, and whoever is not from God does not listen to us.

This is how we recognize the Spirit of Truth and the spirit of falsehood.”

John 4:4-6

A short time ago Satan knocked me flat. Being the slime bag that he is, he blind-sided me and I was in such an emotional state that I could not even pray. The Lord Jesus knew my needs and allowed the Holy Spirit within me to write this poem. I’d like to share it with you.

A little girl

Just seven years old

Walked in church

eyes aglow.

She was a child

who felt beaten and lost

But she found the courage

to approach the cross.

All she could whisper

as she accepted His grace

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

Grown, old and gray

She’s once again

Been knocked to her knees

With Satan’s glee.

But now, as then

As she approaches the cross

All she can muster

from deep inside her heart

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

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Blessings to you.

 

A Fist Raised in Anger

11342215-a-man-angry-over-the-whole-world-is-screamingIn going through some of what the Lord has spoken to me through the years I ran across one writing from last year and it made me think about how we get so angry at God and tend to blame Him for those things that have hurt us or things that have gone wrong in decisions we have made.

For many years I blamed God for not stopping the abuse I suffered from my family and later for an abusive marriage and, just to be honest, for a lot of things. The abuse I suffered within my family was not my fault, I thought God was supposed to stop it. He’s all-powerful so how come He let it continue for years?

I didn’t need the Lord in choosing my first husband! I had decided the man was good-looking, I was twenty-seven years old and ready to settle down, and this guy was fun to be around. I learned very quickly after the “I do’s” that he was an alcoholic, a womanizer, and wife beater. That may not have been the man the Lord wanted me to marry so why didn’t He say, “Stop! Don’t marry him!” Maybe He kept quiet because my anger slammed that door in His face and the fist was raised and maybe He had and I ignored Him.

I am convinced that those that vehemently claim to be atheist’s have turned their back on God because of hurt, rejection, abuse, or something else that happened early on or at some time in their life that they felt God should not have allowed. The fist flies up and suddenly “there is no God!” They have rejected the all-powerful One and have deemed themselves god. They claim there is no God yet their god is Satan.

We can blame God for those things that are not our fault and blame God for the poor choices we make. Some have felt “led” to do something, thinking God is the One leading them only to learn later it was either our own soul or the enemy that was in the lead and yet we blame God. “If it wasn’t you, God, then why didn’t you stop me? You knew it was going to turn out like this.” or “You knew what they were going to do and yet you said…..”

We humans, some of us anyway, are quick to shake our fists at God instead of focusing on His will and trusting that even if we mess up He is there to bring us through. He knows what we are going to do, think, and say before we even do, think, or say anything! His love is so great, His grace so abundant that maybe, just maybe He lets us make the mistakes so we will eventually learn to turn to Him about all things. Some of us have to learn the hard way and I’m more than sure, being one of those, that the Lord is more than willing to let us have our own way. And in having our own way, not seeking or following God’s will we have allowed the enemy access.

So let me share His words that I found that caused all this deep thinking:

“The Almighty God which art in heaven sees all that is within heaven and earth and even beneath the earth. His Grace is poured out for all who will accept it yet there are those who refuse and will even blasphemy His name. Those who love Him have the assurance of an eternal home with Him and those who reject Him shall see the fires of hell for all of time and beyond.

God’s love goes beyond human understanding and it is a shame that although He gave His only begotten Son for the sins of all mankind they reject that shed blood. It is a shame that the enemy of God has such powerful influence in men. It is a shame that so many have turned fists to heaven and swear by their own gods. Their god is self. If they refuse the Son of God there is only one alternative and he has been on the prowl more so now than ever before because he knows his time is short.

Those who follow the Son of God must stand strong and bold. They must watch for the ploys of the enemy and not be sucker-bunched by those who follow the enemy. For if they do not follow God through His Son Jesus Christ they are following Satan. They may not realize their self-righteous attitudes are those coming from Satan but they are. I pray to My Father that all will see My light and that none should perish. I come to the Father with love for all even though they reject and defy Me.

My children, you must be strong. You must focus on Me day and night for the times are about to change and things are not as they have been. My strength I give you if you will follow in My footsteps and let Me lead you through the turmoil. Trust Me as you have never done before. Pray for the lost but do not compromise My truth for any. Many shall belittle. Many shall call you atrocious names and throw the fiery darts so as to turn you from Me. That is the fiery darts of the enemy. Put on your armor and stand firm!
I am the Almighty I Am. Go with my love, joy and peace for I am with you.”
Given by the Holy Spirit 8-7-15

~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

God Saved my Life – Testimony

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Written by Laura – Angels by Grace Pub. – Nov. 1997

A hospital in Jekyl Island was having a yearly reunion for those of us that had once been patients there. It included workshops on our recovery and was supposed to be a time of growth and renewal. I attended this reunion with the feeling that I had come far in my healing from childhood abuse. I had high expectations and when everyone was enjoying the Saturday night dance I was, too.

At some point during the dance I decided I wanted to go for a walk along the beach. The room was stuffy and I needed some fresh air. One of the men offered to walk along with me and I agreed. That was the turning point of a week-end that started out wonderful. It ended as a nightmare that I wouldn’t soon forget. I was raped.

During the rape I could do nothing to stop this man. I begged and pleaded, but nothing I said or did stopped him. I started to pray that God would save my life. When it was obvious that I could not stop this man I gave up fighting him. My hands and feet had become numb from the struggle, I gave my destiny to God.

That rape, the horrible crime against me took place three years ago. For a long time I thought, Why me? I felt God had betrayed me that night, but now I know He didn’t. I’m here today, alive. Christ did answer my prayers that night.

When I was finally able to pray about it God shed new light on that horrible night. I learned that the man who raped me had let it be known that he was going to rape someone. Anyone who he could get alone. And I just happened to be the one.

Satan was on the side of my rapist. But I had God on my side! I was put in a storm and during the test I chose God. Does God hate me because He allowed this to happen to me? No! God loves me very much. He knew that someday I would be able to share my story of that night.

As with the abuse I suffered in childhood, God brought me through it, He’s healing me, and I’m able to share that pain to help others through their’s. God wants me to tell everyone about His love and compassion. How Satan tried to destroy me but Satan’s attempts has only made me stronger in my faith.

God isn’t the one who was testing me three years ago, it was Satan! I can almost hear him saying, “What’s going to break this person?”  Satan had a plan. But my Lord and Savior also had a plan. “He who is greater in me is greater than he who is in the world.” (1John 4:4)

I know now that there is nothing I can do to change that night except to forgive my rapist. And I’m working toward that forgiveness.

Over the past three years the Lord has been showing me that He is stronger than Satan. His power is greater and I was not and will not be destroyed because of this crime.  God has helped me to overcome the anger. He has shown me that there was nothing I could have done any differently that night. That I can stop blaming myself. It was a test that I went through and my faith in Christ brought me through.

But I wonder, how many tests must you go through before you understand that God loves you very much and wants you to see and feel His love. He wants you to know that it was not He who hurt you. Be it childhood abuse or rape.

The people who hurt us as children, the man who raped me made the choice, God or Satan. The people who hurt us chose Satan’s ways, not God’s. God does not hurt His children. Man does! Man is the one who makes the decision to do right or wrong.  God knows that. He also knew that I would grow from these hurts. That He would enable me to tell my story, and to understand that He was hurting with me.

I now know that when we are sad, Christ is sad with us. He wants us to have a happy life but with no storms there is no growth. We grow, learn, stretch when things aren’t all rosie. The trials are put there to help us. It is how we deal with those trials that cause us to grow. Do we choose to remain in the pain? Do we choose to ask God to help us through the pain?

I want to close with one thing God told me to pass on. God loves you no matter what has happened to you. No matter what you have done in your life or what has been done to you, He loves you just as you are.

He is waiting to help you through whatever area of healing you need. All you have to do is ask.

~~~~~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

I’ve Been Set Free, But…

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So many years ago there was so much hurt and pain. The years of childhood were not happy ones and even though we go through many years of hard-core therapy to overcome those memories we can still be plagued by them.

How do we deal with the flashbacks, the times when we jerk straight up in bed awakened by a dream so real it feels like we’re reliving the event? Do we ignore what the Lord may be showing us through a dream? Do we assume it is a nightmare the devil is taunting us with? Do we wipe the sweat off our brow and finally go back to sleep ignoring it?

Several years have been spent reliving the traumatic events of an abusive childhood, the emotional attacks as well as the physical attacks. Child abuse leaves wounds to our hearts that seems to penetrate to the very cells of our bodies. God, with all His infinite wisdom, knows our past, our present, and our future.

He came that we may enjoy life. He came to give us the freedom to live an abundant life. Abundance does not mean just finances. It means freedom from pain and suffering.  It means that we do not have to live with memories of terror that leave us screaming, crying, and wanting to end it all. It means that He has given us a way to break the chains that bind us to our abuser/s.

Even after many years of therapy we will still remember the events that caused us so much pain. God does not give us amnesia so we never remember again. We can wallow in those memories and relive the pain, hold on to the anger that follows, let the bitterness turn our hearts to stone or we can sever the ties that bind us to them. If we do not sever those ties our abuser is still controlling us!

In Matthew 18:21,22 Peter came to the Lord and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”  When we have those dreams, when we suddenly find an event that caused us so much pain come throbbing through our brain, or words that the abuser growled in our ear, isn’t that much like the sin is being perpetrated again? It feels like it.

But what did Jesus tell Peter? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” This is what breaks the ties that the devil is using to keep us bound! Every time a mental image comes of the abusive act say out loud, “I forgive (name the person) for (say what he/she did to you) in Jesus name. Satan hates forgiveness! You are naming the event that has been brought to mind.

In the case of an abuser’s hateful words being replayed, we do not have to tolerate the devil harassing us with hurtful statements from the past! When the devil starts spouting how horrible I am or how I’m nothing I say the 4 words that Michael said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you!” (Jude 1:9)

The Lord forgives us and says He will not forgive us our sin if we do not forgive others theirs. Saying a prayer of forgiveness for something horrendous that was done to us does not cover all time! It isn’t like a one size fits all. We are to forgive over and over and over again if that is what is needed, and many times that is exactly what is needed!

Every dream, every memory, every mental picture, comes from either the Lord, to show us something important that He wants to bring to our attention or heal, the devil to taunt us and keep us in pain, or ourselves because we haven’t healed. Regardless of who, what, or where the memory comes from if we announce out loud “I forgive….” we benefit! The abusers hateful words being slammed into our memory you can bet comes from the devil. Rebuke him in Jesus name!

I’ve done this many, many times and it stops the enemy in his tracks! The Lord does not taunt us with painful memories! In my experience, if it is the Lord, He has done it through dreams, not nightmares, but dreams that will leave me wondering what He is trying to show me. Occasionally it will be a mental picture. I do not ignore either. I told the Lord one time after forgiving my abuser for what he did that came to mind, “I don’t feel that in my heart.” I learned that we speak it out and in time it will enter and come from our heart.

We are not only set free from the deep wounds to our soul and spirit from an abusive childhood or an abusive relationship but we are given a tool to use against the memories that on occasion jump up unexpectantly. We have been healed and no longer have to live in emotional torment. That does not mean we will never have to revisit some of those events but a revisit does not mean living it! You have been set free or you are being set free. Walk in that freedom!

“Whom the Lord sets free is free indeed.” Jn. 8:36

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Blessings to you.

 

His Glory, Not Mine! – Testimony

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In 1997 I was leading a support group for women who had been sexually abused as children and also publishing the Angels by Grace Magazine. I wrote this article for that magazine for the April 1997 issue.

The healing the Lord has accomplished since this writing is staggering! It is amazing how the Lord will use our pain. There is hope for healing! Trust Him. He will bring you through. 

When I read the testimonies that are given from women and men that have endured the hurt, betrayal, and loss as children, I cry. I feel that pain so very deep inside and wonder how any of us have survived such atrocities. I thank God for the healing that He has done, and is doing  within me and so many others.

There are a couple of testimonies that have been offered for Angels by Grace that have mentioned my name. I feel so humbled that the Lord has used me to offer up His hope before others. If I had been asked about the love of God just a few short years ago I would have either snarled out some caustic answer or turned and walked away. Not knowing that Christ was working within my life I would have clenched my teeth in absolute anger at the very thought that God loved me! How dare anyone tell me what I thought were lies! God could not have loved me. He could not have died for my salvation. For you see I thought it was God who not only told my Dad to abuse, but sat beside me and laughed while it was happening! How very wrong I was. I have asked Christ for His forgiveness so many times for my ignorance of who He is and He has forgiven me every time I cry out to forgive me again.

Therapy brought me through the times when suicide was thought to be my only alternative to stop the torment of memories and the sense that nothing could stop the pain of those memories. Much to my surprise I have learned that it was not God who was sitting beside me laughing back then, but the devil himself! I have learned that God was crying the same tormented tears of hurt and pain, betrayal and loss of innocence that I cried about then, and sometimes cry about now.

These past few years Christ has shown me that He is the One who sits in the Angel Group Support Group and says the words of encouragement to those hurting souls. I know that it is Christ that these women see who offers hope and healing, who’s understanding is given because if it were really me, the human called Sue, I would probably be asking as many questions as the others in the group.

I don’t always have the answers to difficult questions, like those that we struggle with on occasion about why did He allow it to happen? Why didn’t He stop it? I, like so many others, do not have the answers. I have to believe what Christ tells us in the Bible, that He is love, that He does not sit and laugh at our pain, that He is faithful to complete the good work He started in us. And like so many others, I still hurt, I still cry, and I still run to Christ like a child running to daddy. ( A daddy that did not hurt me.)

Reading the testimonies of these healing people has humbled me before the Lord. I am amazed constantly that He would not only take my pain and use it to help others, but that He has chosen me to work through. I’m the one who could not mouth His name because of anger directed at Him. Yet, when I sit within a room praising Him, acting like I’ve got it all together, these women thank me for what they see before them, the healing that they see that has been done within me.

Please know that I am grateful to the Lord who has done the work. I am grateful that people look at me and find encouragement. But what you are seeing is Christ within me. You are seeing Christ at work through someone who continues to sin. And I thank Him every day that He is the One who heals, restores, and is the life within me.  He is the One who shows us that abuse is wrong, that we need others to encourage, that groups are a must for those of us who need a shoulder to cry on, someone who can share our deep pain and laugh with us when we jump for joy over some accomplishment or area of healing that we have found victory over.

He is the Power that lights the way and we are the lamp stands that He will use. Healing cannot be done alone. We need Christ, we need others to encourage. Even if you are still within the walls of pain you also can help others. A kind smile, a simple pat on the shoulder goes a very long way when someone feels cold inside.

Let Christ use you as His lamp stand. For it is His light that brings us through those dark and scary places. It is He that sits amongst us and tells us, “Healing is a process. Don’t give up. Hang in there. Been there-done that.” Christ is faithful to bring you through the pain. Trust Him for He is the One who is faithful and true. He’ll prove it was not He who hurt you. That it is His will for you to be all that He created you to be; loving, happy, and whole.

Now I cry tears of gratitude and love for the healing that He has done for me and for the healing that I know He will do for you.

~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

Easter is Over – Or is it?

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We have all heard that Jesus is love, that He died and arose, stands at the right hand of God, forgives us of our sins, and that through His death and resurrection that we will have His peace and joy everlasting and spend eternity with Him.

That is all true but those of us that have been wounded deeply can struggle with the peace and joy part. Be it a loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, or the loss of our childhood through childhood sexual and physical abuse. When we are going through those painful memories, when we are struggling with the healing process and facing the giants of abuse issues we question, “Where’s all this peace and joy!?” “I’m hurting now and I sure don’t feel any peace about it and I have no joy.”

We live in an evil world. Evil things happen every minute of every day. Our circumstances are not what gives us joy. The circumstances that have brought deep pain can rob us of all peace and joy – if we let it! That’s what the devil wants. He has come to rob us of peace and joy. He has come to steal our faith, and he has come to kill our relationship with Jesus Christ. When we are curled on our beds in the fetal position because depression has left us limp and crying where and how can we feel joy?

Our peace and joy comes from the Lord. Our peace comes in reaching out to Him and knowing He’s there because He said He would never leave us or forsake us. His Holy Spirit lives within us and you can’t get any closer than that! There are times when we just have to refocus! We have to take the time, even if its just a moment, to remind ourselves that Christ is with us. He knows our pain and He is our Healer. We can shut Him out and remain in the fetal position or we can seek Him and get out of that bed of pain.

Our joy is not the kind we feel when we happily dance around the room singing. Happy circumstances can bring that kind of joy. The joy of the Lord is knowing, without a doubt, and total confidence, that He is in control. It’s that deep heart knowledge that even though we are suffering and hurting now that it will not last forever. No more tears, no more sorrow, no more suffering is our future and although we are hurting now we will be set free! That does not mean we have to wait to be in heaven for freedom. We have it now! Yes, tears will flow. Yes, we suffer and go through the pain of overcoming but we have Christ’s promise that we can have His peace and joy while here on this earth.

Our joy and the peace that is beyond all understanding comes from the acceptance that Christ is our hope. He is the only hope we have of ever becoming more than we are now. The pain is temporary. The suffering is temporary. It may not feel like it but if we believe the Word of God then we can look forward to freedom, now and forever more.

Christ died, He arose. The day of His Resurrection is over but we have been resurrected with Him. Easter may be over but our eternity has already begun. Christ still lives and we can live in freedom with the peace and joy that comes by believing in the One who loves us.

If you have not asked Christ into your heart He will hear your simple prayer if prayed. “Jesus, I believe You died and arose for the forgiveness of my sins. Forgive me and come into my heart as my Lord and Savior. In Jesus Name. Amen”

~~~~~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

Unholy Vows is an Open Door

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An inner vow is a solemn promise we make to ourselves. Those vows lodge into our subconscious and although we may totally forget we made such a vow, it is there and will control parts of our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.

As children, and even as adults, we make vows that start with “I will never.”  Usually it stems from hurt or pain. “I’ll never get married again!” “I’ll never be like my Dad!” These inner vows stem from a spirit of rejection and open the door to the enemy.

As a child being abused I learned that by crying it created great satisfaction to my abuser. Upon my realizing that fact the devil stepped through that open door and whispered, “Show her, don’t cry!” I immediately vowed, “No-one will ever see me cry again!” That not only shut the door to my true emotions but caused me more physical pain because the beatings lasted longer in order to draw tears. For 45+ years no-one saw me cry! Not tears of joy, not tears of pain.

Hatred replaced forgiveness. “Forgive others so you’ll be forgiven” flew right out the window of my heart. “Come hell or high water I’ll get revenge! No-one will ever hurt me like that again!” Satan was well pleased with my vow. He instilled hatred instead of love. He accomplished his purpose to rob, steal, and destroy.

God has a purpose for all of us and unholy inner vows thwart, separate us from God’s purposes. We’re saying, “My will, not God’s.”

Our anger, unforgiveness, pride, issues of control and manipulation all stem from that spirit of rejection.

Many times we use anger to cover the hurt we are feeling. We stomp off making yet another vow. We try to control people and things by building walls. Walls that leave us in a prison of not knowing, feeling, or exhibiting love. We think we are protecting ourselves from being rejected but in reality we are shutting God and others out. “No-one will ever hurt me again!” “I’ll never show my true feelings.” “I’ll never trust _____ again!”

Inner vows is where “people pleasing” comes from. If we can be what someone wants us to be then they won’t reject us. If I can make everyone laugh, regardless of the turmoil I’m feeling, then they will love me. “Don’t rock the boat” and I won’t be rejected. “I’ll never say what I really think.” “I never count so make them happy.”

In order to hide the feelings of rejection we also try to manipulate others and circumstances. Instead of trusting God with the situation we usurp Him by “making things happen my way.” That’s pride! Pride feeds right into the vows we have made. “I don’t need God to tell me what to do.” Authority issues stem from the issues of rejection.

There are many vows we have made knowingly or unknowingly and in order to be set free from them and come closer to who God created us to be each and every vow must be renounced and repented of.

Ask the Lord to bring to mind the unholy inner vows you have made. Don’t be surprised if there are many. Take the time to write them down and begin renouncing them.

Here’s a sample prayer of renunciation:

Heavenly Father, I come to You in Jesus name, I repent and renounce the vow I made (describe what the vow entailed and any person you may have made the vow to).  I realize this was foolish and rash on my behalf, and I ask that you will forgive me and release me from the bondage that this vow has brought me under.

In the name of Jesus, and by the power of His blood, I now renounce, break and nullify the vow (name the vow and any person the vow was made to), and I confess that I am released from this vow and it’s bondage in Jesus name.

I now command any evil spirits which have taken advantage of this unholy vow to leave me now in Jesus name!

(Repeat this prayer if you have more than one unholy vow to break.)

~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

Profile of a pedophile

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  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

What is a pedophile? It is someone who desires sex with children. In my opinion they are mentally sick, demented, and controlled by Satan. Satan uses them in the most perverse ways he can which allows families and individuals to be destroyed emotionally, at times physically, and the victims spirit is shattered.

Statistics show the majority of pedophiles are male but women are  not left out and neither are teenagers. Think about the news casts we’ve seen where a female teacher has been having sex with her students. Think about the young men who trick younger children to meet them “out behind the building.”  These are people who are dangerous and have one agenda, sex with a child.

They can be someone you love, a relative. My Dad was one. His victims numbered six, that we know of. They can be a grandfather, uncle, brother, and yes maybe even your wife or son or a preacher, teacher, coach, or neighbor. In other words, it can be anyone.

Pedophiles have a pattern, an M.O. if you want to call it that. There are behaviors and attitudes that we can look for to help us protect our children. In Charles Montaldo, a crime expert, article, “Profile of a Pedophile” (May 16, 2014) he outlines some of what we can look for.

Young children are not the only victims they target. Some pedophiles “prefer their victims to be close to the age of puberty.” So our teenagers are not safe due to their age. Male and females are potential targets.

Pedophiles will find jobs or volunteer where they are around children. It can be a youth group at church, a playground down the street, little league, swim team. Groups are not the only target area for prospects. They seek out individuals in a variety of ways.

They look for children that are “shy, withdrawn,” and yes, even “handicapped.” “Many victims are from troubled homes and the underprivileged.” Single parents are a prime target. They will get close to the single parent ingratiating themselves into the family  so as to be close to their potential victim. What better way to have your victim close than to live in the same house or across the street? The internet is a prime source of locating and grooming the pedophiles victims. He can be anything the child wants him to be without ever showing his true colors – until its to late.

The pedophile is very skilled in his/her manipulation and “grooming.” Many children have low self-esteem and the pedophile will play on that by becoming friendly and telling the victim how special they are. Children with low self-esteem are not the only ones the pedophile will woo. Giggling girls playing on a chat site can suddenly find themselves being wooed by a pedophile, sucked into the vice of, “he seems so nice.” “There’s no harm in just talking.” The child has just stepped into the pedophiles web of deception.

Part of the grooming process is offering “love,” “support,” filling the needs of the child that seem obvious to the pedophile. They may offer drugs, alcohol, or show the child pornographic pictures all under the guise of, ” it’s okay,”  “it’s healthy and normal.” and “this is preparing you for marriage.”

The pedophile will also use guilt as a means to get to the child. “If you are really my friend you’ll ….” or “I thought you loved me!” The pedophile will use any language or means available to achieve the goal – sex with a child!

Parents be aware! We don’t have to be paranoid but we have to be cautious! We’re warned constantly about watching what our children are doing on the computer. It can become a “yeah, yeah, yeah” but its there for a very good reason. If someone is wanting to be around your child more than normal, volunteering to babysit and almost insisting, take your child camping, rides home from school or a friends more than occasionally, hugging more than appropriate, touching or “sly” looks, be on the alert. If your child suddenly doesn’t want to be around a friend or relative they previously had a relationship with ask why. Mom’s have a God given sensitivity – follow that gut feeling that something isn’t right in the relationship this person has with your child. If it means losing a relationship with a relative or friend – caution is the best antidote. Your child comes first!

   “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

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Blessings to you.

Testimony – Its Still Happening Today!

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I am a thirty one year old in recovery from satanic ritual abuse as well as sexual abuse. I was born into an occult that involved my mother, father, and grandfather on my mother’s side. My grandfather was the head of the whole thing.

From the time I was born I was sexually abused and used as a “pure” sacrifice for all kinds of satanic rituals. You see in an occult world sex is praise and worship to Satan, much like our singing praise and worship to God. In the occult world when you have a child who has not been touched, much can be gained by those in charge who have the power to give “legal rights” over to the enemy, at the expense of the child of course. That’s what happened to me.

To my mother and father I was considered an experiment. My mother didn’t want to have children, but she had me for the purposes of the occult.  My grandfather died when I was four years old and that seemed to unleash all the resentment and bitterness within my mother and she turned those emotions on me, full force.

In my mothers mind she was going to put the experimental child, me, in its place. So she took me before the occult council and had them degrade me. She considered that putting me in my place on the spiritual level. “Spiritual” being of Satan.  After the meeting with the council she took me to a room and ….

…………………..I’m leaving blank due to being graphic…………………..

When I awoke and it was discovered that I was still breathing my mother assigned me a new role to take on in life. “You are not my daughter. You are my slave!” she told me firmly. “You are to do as you are told, you are not to speak, you have no opinion, and most of all you have no choices!” she continued to shout.

I have since looked up the definition of “Slave” and another word comes up, “Servitude.” Which means having no liberty to do as one pleases. It’s a lack of freedom to determine one’s course of action or way of life. To sum it up, that was me!

The funny thing is that I never took to her teachings. When my mother went from church to church, making trouble and causing chaos, I was hanging onto every word my Sunday School teacher was saying about Jesus. I accepted Jesus into my heart and He has been living there for a very long time.

I have now been in what I call hard core counseling. The Lord has been revealing to me the “legal rights” to my soul that was given to Satan by my grandfather and parents. What is awesome is that Christ has been taking back those rights from Satan. Satan no longer retains any rights over my life.

Christ has also taken me back to that room where……….(graphic)

You see, when I left that room as a slave child I left my true self behind. Christ has since placed me back in there, telling me I was to come out of that slave mentality. But in order to get out of that horrible room I had to get past the people that put me there.

I was scared to death to even face those people much less walk near them. But I decided to trust in the Lord and with His help I confronted and faced the evil. This time I put them in their place! And with that I walked out of that room holding Jesus hand.

Because of Jesus walking through those memories with me I received much release. Inner freedom just washed through me. I am no longer living with the slave mentality or playing that role. Best of all I no longer feel like a slave inside. I am so very free and I now have a sense of security within myself that no one else can give but God.

I have forgiven my mother and father but it is not necessary for me to have any kind of relationship with them. Why? Because they continue to practice devil worship to this day. I have wonderful friends, a church family, and besides, I have the most wonderful Father. My heavenly Father. And maybe some day He will even bless me with a family of my own.

It is a miracle to me that I have survived my upbringing and that I never took any interest in my parents activities or Satan worship. I worship God through His Son Jesus Christ.

Let me say that the road to recovery has been anything but smooth. With Jesus holding my hand, my willingness to face, head on, the bumps and obstacles of healing, has enabled me to overcome much. Jesus truly healed so many wounded emotions as well as my broken heart. If it weren’t for Him I would not be a survivor. It is because of His mercy, His grace, His strength, and most of all, His Name has protected me and He’s guided me through it all. God bless.

Debbie M. – Elah Publication -June 2003

Note: Debbie has since graduated college, has a Master’s degree in education and is married and has 2 children.

~~~~~

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Rocks in my Garden

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Adam and Eve had the perfect garden to live, laugh, love, and dwell in. They had the perfect relationship with each other and with God until the serpent slithered in. The devil is out to destroy us! He is out to destroy any relationship we may have with Almighty God. That is his sole purpose and he will use any means to accomplish his goals.

The serpent (abuser) slithers in and through deception and manipulation builds the trust of the child. Slowly and gradually the child’s trust is built and then suddenly is destroyed. Like a coiled rattle snake the devil strikes. Abusers do not strike just once. They keep coming back, over and over and over again. Most have more than one victim. And each time they strike it leaves another “emotional rock” in our perfect garden.

Suddenly our innocence is gone. We’ve learned not to trust anyone. Our heart begins to harden and anger fills our being. Bitterness is like a boulder weighing us down, and guilt rides on our shoulders. Shame is so deep we cannot speak of it. “If they really knew me they would not like me.”

Without intervention on the child’s behalf the rocks keep building. The pile becomes larger and deeper and wider. The child who was born to be happy and grow into a productive God fearing person is now weighted down with the baggage of a life filled with fear, doubt, guilt, and shame. Their self-esteem is lower than a basement floor, and many cried out but no help arrived. Now as adults we are still weighted down by the residual effects of the evil perpetrated against us as a child.

The devil whispers in our ear, ” If God really cared He would have stopped it! He doesn’t care about you! ” Satan just threw the all-time biggest bolder on the top of our rock pile. If we believe that lie, the devil has accomplished his goal!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

I remember one time when I cried out to God, “Why didn’t You stop him!?” The Lord gave me a mental picture of Jesus kneeling, with tears streaming down His face, praying to the Father on my behalf while I was being raped. It made me furious! “That’s ALL You did! You just prayed!” I screamed. I didn’t understand, at that time, how the Lord Jesus intercedes on our behalf. I didn’t understand that because He gave humans free will that He could not reach down and slap the tar out of my Dad and make him stop what he was doing to me. I wish He could, but He can’t, because He gave us the free will to sin or not to sin.

And the devil takes full advantage of that free will offered by Christ. It is the devil’s influences that are taking place within the abuser. “The devil made me do it.” Don’t even go there!

We humans have a God-given inborn sense of right and wrong. It is instilled within us as early as the womb. The abuser knows he/she is doing wrong. Why else are we told to not tell? Why else are we threatened in a variety of ways if we reveal the evil being done to us? The abuser knows it’s wrong and chooses to do it anyway!  

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,…”Joshua 24:15

The action the abuser chooses leaves his victim devastated. The younger the victim, the longer the duration of the abuse, the more emotional rocks (damage) we’ll have in our previously beautiful garden.

Did anyone ever tell you that Christ is also a Landscaper? He knows what weeds to pull, He knows how to crush the rocks and boulders, and He’s very proficient in trimming those dead branches. He wants us to be the beauty in which He made us and He knows how to rid us of those rocks in our garden.

Assignment:

In your journal, draw a container and a basket.

At the time I did this I called it the rocks in my well. Call it what you like, but draw some sort of container, and ask the Lord to reveal to you what emotional rocks you have.

It helps if you draw something that the rocks fill up. The visual of something full is more effective than a list on paper.

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As we go along the various issues will be talked about. As you pray through the various issues and the Lord brings healing you can remove that “emotional rock” and place it in the basket that you have also drawn. Name your basket whatever you’d like; trash basket, healed basket, praise God basket, etc.

If you want a really powerful image use various sized real rocks and print the issue as the Lord gives it to you on each rock. (Careful of your back, there may be some big boulders.) As each is ministered to, place the real rock in a basket on your desk. Great reminder of what God’s doing and the accomplishments you’ve made.

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Tell us how you’re doing with your journaling. What is the main problem you have, if any, with journaling? Share your thoughts with the rest of us in the group. (Leave a reply section below)

Suggested reading:Product DetailsThe Search for Freedom – Available at Amazon.com

Suggested reading: “Building Walls” (Apr. 2, 2014) – http://www.suespen2paper.com

Lord I ask in Jesus Name that as these beautiful people seek Your wisdom that You will reveal those issues they still struggle with and we will give You all the praise, honor, and glory. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

http://www.elahministries.com

Blessings to you.