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The Importance of Setting Boundaries in Your Life

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Many people believe that it is selfish to set boundaries.

However, it is important for you to set boundaries in your personal life and professional life. There are many ways that you can benefit from setting personal and professional boundaries.

Save Stress 

If you do not set boundaries at home or at work, then you will quickly find yourself getting overwhelmed. You may end up being drained and not having any energy to do anything else. If you set boundaries, then you will be able to reduce your stress.

Your Own Needs and Met 

When you constantly put other people before yourself, you will likely neglect your own needs. Setting boundaries is one of the keys to making sure that your emotional and physical needs are met. You are more likely to get your needs met if you ask other people for help.

More Compassionate 

Many people think that setting boundaries is unfair and mean.

However, it can actually have the opposite effect. In fact, psychologists have found that people who set boundaries are more compassionate.

Letting people know about what is and is not okay is respectful and kind.

Better Relationships 

Setting boundaries will allow you to have better relationships with everyone around you. Conflict is less likely to occur if everyone already knows what is acceptable. You will have a more peaceful environment in the home and the workplace. Everyone will be happier as a result of this.

Less Resent and Anger 

If there are no boundaries, then people will likely start to walk all over you. This will cause you to feel angry and resentful.

However, if you communicate to ensure that your needs are being met, then you will likely have less anger and resentment.

Peace of Mind 

You will be able to avoid letting people take advantage of you if you set boundaries. This will give you peace of mind. You will be less likely to suffer verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of anyone if the boundaries are already there.

More Time and Energy 

Being a person that says yes to everything and everyone can be draining. However, you will have more time and energy if you set boundaries. If you say no to people and things that drain you down, then you will be able to spend time doing more of the things that you love. As a result of this, you will be happier and healthier.

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Tell me they aren’t demon possessed!

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LGBT flag

Gay Activist Leaders Promote Sexual Abuse of Children

GREG HOLT APRIL 6, 2016 FEATURED ARTICLES, U.S. NEWS, WATCHMEN ON THE WALL LEAVE A COMMENT

WRITTEN BY ONAN COCA

Here’s the disturbing truth that the Left either chooses not to admit or just can’t believe themselves. The liberal “gay equality” movement has always been about so much more than ensuring that American homosexuals are treated the same as American heterosexuals. If it were just about that, then their lobbying would have stopped some time ago – because homosexuals have reached a stage in American history where they have become a protected class, with more “rights” and privileges than your average American. The culture has swung so far in their favor that it is laughable to suggest that American homosexuals still suffer any maltreatment from the state. In fact, if they are disturbed by your average private citizen, they are likely to find the state as a willing ally in persecuting the politically incorrect citizen!

They “gay rights” movement has always been about far more than “equality.” It’s about power and destruction. Power for the liberal, big-government ideologues and the destruction of traditional, mainly conservative, Christian culture.

The wonderful folks at the Sydney Traditionalist Forum (or SydneyTrads) recently collected a selection of quotes from gay leaders proving this point. In particular, the quotes show that for many gay leaders, the fight for “gay rights” means the forced acceptance of pedophilia as normal.

Read the proof for yourself.

Gay Activist Peter Tatchell:

“I think it is courageous […] Offering a rational, informed perspective on sexual relations between younger and older people, they document examples of societies where consenting inter-generational sex is considered normal, beneficial and enjoyable by old and young alike. […] The positive nature of some child-adult sexual relationships is not confined to non-Western cultures. Several of my friends, gay and straight, male and female had sex with adults from the ages of nine to 13. All say it was their conscious choice and gave them great joy […] it is time society acknowledged the truth that not all sex involving children is unwanted, abusive or harmful.”

 

Gay Professor and Activist Gary Dowsett:

Gay Pedophile“I also have a friend, a paedophile, who is working very hard on making sense out of his relations with boys. These relations consist of, among other things, a large amount of nurture and support for these boys, a real caring for their welfare and growth. […] So what is the problem? Or more succinctly, what is the problem we are facing that warrants the construction of an issue about the relations between gay men and kids? […] For, anecdotes aside, one thing should be quite clear: gay men do have a wide range of relationships with kids, their own, their friends’, in ‘families’ and other social arrangements. That is the starting point in the debate, and it is from this point, our practices, that a political position can be built. And a new political position is needed for there are significant political struggles at stake. First, we have three legal/social questions to win: custody right for gay men and lesbians; the legal rights of paedophiles and their young lovers; and finally the sexual rights of children as a whole. Second, we have three issues within the homosexual movement and community: the support gay men provide the women’s movement and in our alternative child rearing practices and arrangements; the way we have set up the debate at present; and last the real meaning of childlessness. […]

“Cuddling, breastfeeding, bathing together, playing, kissing and fondling kids are immensely pleasurable activities for them and for us. And it is not uncommon to be sexually aroused by that closeness, that touch and that love. How different then is that gentle, tentative sexuality between parent and child from the love of a paedophile and his/her lover? […] The current paedophilia debate then is crucial to the political process of the gay movement: paedophiles need our support, and we need to construct the child/adult sex issue on our terms. […] Our new kinds of arrangements collectively create a new politics of child/adult relations. Is this a bit of gay chauvinism, gay pride, a fond idealistic hope? Maybe, but since when have we too regarded pride as a sin?”

 

Harry Hay, Early “Gay Rights” Leader:

“Because if the parents and friends of gays are truly friends of gays, they would know from their gay kids that the relationship with an older man is precisely what thirteen-, fourteen-, and fifteen-year-old kids need more than anything else in the world.”

 

Journalist Ginger Gorman who interviewed Gay “Dads” and was then “shocked” to Learn that the men were actually depraved Pedophiles:

“I was putting together a series of interviews on gender. This particular interview was with a couple who were gay dads, and they had been on a long journey to have a child via surrogacy […] I felt no sense that anything was wrong. For all intents and purposes this appeared to be a loving family and a loving household. And I’ve gone over and over it in my brain and I just did not feel that anything was wrong[…] I’m profoundly shocked and disgusted by what’s happened. Since then I am just revolted and I find myself quite despairing about the turn of events.”

 

Eve Ensler, Author of the Vagina Monologues and defender of lesbian rape:

“Now people say that it was kind of rape. I was only thirteen and she was twenty-four. Well, I say, if it was a rape, it was a good rape then, a rape that turned my sorry-ass coochi-snorcher into a kind of heaven.”

H/T to the Sydney Traditionalist Forum for Collecting these Quotes on their Site.

SOURCE: Eagle Rising

Since 2014 The Olive Branch Report, the definitive Christian Magazine for today has featured the insightful writing and reporting of Christian blogger Greg Holt. His writing has been featured on American Prophet, American Clarion, Eagle Rising, Not Ashamed of the Gospel, and others. Greg is also the Editor of Inspirational Christian Blogs. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. There is no other

Setting a Captive Free

Years passed since the physical, emotion, psychological, and sexual abuse has passed. But the lingering pain, the memories that were buried deep so as to stay sane began to invade and torment my mind. Little flashbacks, a dream here and there would skitter through my mind but I would shove them back and hide them again. Shuck them off like rain drops on my shoulders.

Our emotional states will affect our physical state and one day I went to the doctor for some physical ailment. During his exam he asked me various questions and somehow it slipped out that I didn’t care if I lived. Without further ado, no condemnation, no sermons or “Oh you don’t want to think that” comments, he simply wrote a name and phone number on a prescription pad paper and handed it to me, “You might like to give this man a call” was all he said.

That was the beginning of my years of therapy. He was a secular therapist and looking back I realized that the Lord knew that had I been sent to a Christian counselor I never would have set foot in the office. I was angry at God. Very angry! He said He would save me but He never showed up at my house or on my doorstep to rescue me. That preacher that said God saves us had to be delusional. Nope, not trusting God or anyone else to save this woman!

Gradually as the psychiatrist and I talked the sexual abuse was brought out into the open. I can’t begin to describe the pain I felt as we waded through the horrific details and memories. For several years depression took control, dreams left me screaming and sweating sitting in my bed, suicidal thoughts flickered in and out as easily as a stream flows down hill. A few attempts to end the pain forever were made to no avail. Tranquilizers and anti-anxiety medication was prescribed and helped but God knew what I needed and that was the healing that only He could give.

Many years later, I found myself standing before a pastor, in a church I had never been in, asking the Lord to be my Lord and Savior. I got saved and Baptized that very morning and life has never been the same since. My husband had just died from a long illness and the Lord used his passing and my grief to bring me to where I should have been years earlier.

He knew my anger and He knew every detail of my life and my suffering and He knew my great anger even better than I did. I was still seeing the secular therapist but gradually he could not answer my spiritual questions that seemed to keep popping up. I began seeing a Christian counselor and little by little He walked me through the pain. With a Christian counselor who allowed the Lord to lead me down those dark, scary paths it seemed as though my healing was escalating. There was a difference in my journey this time. I had Christ walking the path with me and that is when the deep healing took place.

I’m not saying it’s easy, far from it! Pain, suffering, memories, regardless of where that pain and suffering began is not an easy path to travail. To wade through the muck and the mire is like walking through cement as it hardens. We get stuck but we tug and we pull until we are free from that one footstep that is holding us back. Then we rise up and take the next step and gradually we can see the end of the pain and suffering as each issue is brought to light and left behind. That doesn’t mean we forget what happened! It means that it no longer controls our emotions, relationships, and lives. We begin to understand why we may be a wall flower or why we have to control everything around us or why anger bursts forth at little provocation. Our attitudes begin to change and our misconceptions and all those false teachings are transformed into truth. Truth, not just what happened but more importantly how God sees us and that He loves us no matter how angry, hurt, or betrayed we were. We learn that He accepts us right where we are! We are not who we were told we are but who God says we are. There’s a big difference!

It took many more years of therapy; talking, remembering, crying, begging for it to be over before the freedom came. Forgiveness of all those horrible things that happened and forgiveness granted to those who did them was all part of that healing process. It was a huge step toward my healing process, and it is a process and it is not easy but with the Lord walking that path with us and whispering His encouragement in our ears and revealing the deep pain we continue the journey.

I have heard several pastors put down secular therapy but I am here to say that not everyone will go to a Christian counselor for whatever reason. And there are, sadly, Christian counselors that are Christians but do not council by the Word of God. Some are condemning, judgmental, and accusing leaving an already shattered victim devastated and turning away from God and all that He is. There is a big difference between someone who is a Christian but their method is by mans knowledge, book-learned therapy, and a Christian counselor who allows the Lord to lead the sessions, hears God’s guidance, and trusts God’s wisdom.

The Lord knows our hearts. He knows who we will trust and who we will not and He knew that in my circumstances that if I didn’t get therapy I would not live to be what He created me to be. He allowed, and may even have used that doctor, to lead me to a therapist where I would get the foundational healing I needed. The abuse was revealed and taken into the light, the issues were confronted in all their grimness, and when God’s timing was right He used my husbands passing and my grief and sense of great loss to bring me to Him. God is good! He knows our hearts, He knows our needs, and through His Son and Holy Spirit He will bring anyone who is suffering to Him for His healing. All we have to do is take that first step and trust. He’ll even teach us how to do that.

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted… to proclaim liberty to the captives…That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1,3

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Blessings to you.

Fool Proofing your Relationships

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Written by Kelley – Angels by Grace Pub.  March 1998

Recently I attended a ladies seminar. The speaker was Jan Silvious and the topic was fool proofing your relationships. Through it God showed me how I had been a fool in my own life, convicted me, and showed me areas of my life that needed to be dealt with.

Jan told us the characteristics of a fool. (1) A lost person (unrepentant),  (2) One who has been hurt in life and has knarls (hard areas) to cover up the wound so no one will see the hurt, (3) always right, (4) angry, (5) verbally abusive, and (6) can be physically violent and that when it gets to that point, abandon ship!

Jan also shared with us God’s way in scripture for us to deal with fools. They are; (1) Forgive them, (2) pray for them, (3) feed them with a long-handled spoon.

This last point stems on the fact that you can’t trust them and therefore you can’t have a close relationship with them. You can interact as if you were encountering a stranger ( be cordial). The reason being, you can’t change them. Answering machines are a great way for dealing with fools. The point is, it is okay to distance yourself from them.

God showed me how I had been a fool in my own life. I went home knowing I had to confess it before the Lord. Also, He allowed me to realize that there were some fools in my life. That some of them I had taken the stand He wanted me to take. I knew the decision I made about not being a part of the abusive cycle in my family any more, was the decision He wanted me to make.

Jan also touched on how we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for the dirt, guilt, etc. that we feel stemming from the things that had been done to us. The only thing we can do is accept God’s forgiveness. That hit me hard!

God is taking me through the process of forgiving the one’s who have hurt me. In my inner world, my response to that statement was, “You mean I’m going to have to forgive all these other people who have hurt me? I can’t even forgive myself (get rid of the shame, guilt, dirty feeling, etc. that I feel!) I would have gladly given the door prize I won in the Seminar back if it would rid me of the guilt and shame.

One of my mother’s favorite sayings is, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” I have fought that statement by mentally thinking it a spiritual clean, not a physical clean. I have never felt clean enough to come into God’s presence. My mother’s statement kept coming to mind. And because of this I could see myself cutting my wrists in the effort to become clean. Fortunately, God has allowed me to know that Calvary is the only solution. By cutting my wrists was not the answer. It wouldn’t work.

I didn’t try to cut my wrists. Instead I carried out my part of the promise to my counselor, which was to beep her if I was in a crisis.  Unbeknownst to me, her beeper malfunctioned and she was unable to respond. I called a friend.

In the conversation with my friend she prayed with me, showed me how I must give my guilt, shame, and feelings of being dirty to the Lord. As a result I gave all my shame, guilt, and feelings of being dirty to the Lord. I haven’t felt the same since!

Because these sins are gone I have kind of an empty feeling. Yet I know that Christ fills those spaces with His love. I have a lot to praise God for. One thing is when I received a copy of a story entitled “Obstacles or Opportunities.” It said that when a person spilled tea it leaves an ugly stain. The artist took out a crayon and made a beautiful picture of a buck ( male deer) out of the ugly stain. The point is, in being God’s woman (saved), He can take something ugly or the uglies of my life and make something beautiful out of it. My part is standing on His promises in His strength even when I don’t want to exist or deal with anything any more because the battle is tough.

I see how God has carried out the point of the story and made something beautiful out of the ugly. My flesh would love to say, “Well, He should have, because He owes me!” However, the truth is He doesn’t owe me anything! He does it because He loves me! He loves you and He can do the same things for you if you will let Him. Are you willing? It won’t be easy but, He will carry you through it!

~~~~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

Setting Healthy Boundaries

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Every person has things that they will tolerate and those things that they will not tolerate. From ourselves and others. It’s called setting boundaries. But are the boundaries we set healthy boundaries?

Children that grow up in dysfunctional families are not given a choice, or not taught what healthy boundaries are. There are not usually boundaries set in dysfunctional homes. Sexual abuse is tolerated or hidden, beating Mom when the dinner isn’t ready on time, cussing and screaming, slapping, verbal attacks, degradation. There are all forms of abuse being tolerated. If there are any boundaries at all they are usually unhealthy.

What is a boundary? According to Webster’s dictionary it is “A limit. Anything marking a limit.” It’s as though we draw a line in the sand and say, “Don’t cross this line!” As Christians we can set healthy boundaries by refusing to listen to dirty jokes and  gossip for example.  Those are healthy boundaries. Once we have let others know that we will not tolerate filthy language, gossip, dirty jokes or whatever it is that offends us we must stick to those boundaries.

What are unhealthy boundaries? Allowing someone to verbally abuse us is one example of an unhealthy boundary. For example, I tell my husband that he can cuss all he wants but I just won’t tolerate the “F” word. Is that really a healthy boundary? No! Or for example, “Just don’t hit me in the face.”

There are many many examples of healthy and unhealthy boundaries but what it boils down to is what and how much I will tolerate, not just from others but from myself. Will I allow someone barging into the bathroom while I soak in the tub? Will I allow someone to continually verbally abuse me and say nothing? Will I continue to be degraded in front of my co-workers? Boundaries are set so that we may be treated with dignity and respect. If I allow others to belittle me or in some way show less than the respect that I deserve then I have not set boundaries. I am accepting that I am “less than.”

Children that have been abused have not been taught boundaries. As adults we tend to allow others to abuse us verbally, emotionally, or physically because we have not been taught that we are loved and respected as another human being. We expect less of people and of ourselves because that’s what our life experiences taught us. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In Gen. 1:28 God told Adam and Eve about ownership. We are not to only take control of the things of the earth but that we are to take control and responsibility for our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. “We are made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t.”* In other words, are we going to allow certain unhealthy things to control us?  “It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t.” *

In  Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend book, “Boundaries” he states, “Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.” *

They go on to discuss attitudes, feelings, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. All have boundaries. “Boundaries are built and you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others.”

Many people feel they are being disobedient, will hurt others feelings, people may think I’m controlling, or angry if I set boundaries. But setting healthy boundaries are none of these. All children need healthy boundaries set in place not only for their safety but for learning they are loved and respected and we as adults also need to put in place healthy boundaries.

As a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse I had to learn to create  healthy boundaries in order to live an emotionally healthy life. All of our relationships are affected by the boundaries we set or the lack of boundaries. What we tolerate is what will continue!

One of books that was of great help in my understanding and learning how to put in place healthy boundaries is:

*51AFJW77T0L._AA160_[1]Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I highly recommend it and the workbook. (available at http://www.amazon.com)

If you have confidential comments or questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

 

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Blessings to you.