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Gotta’ Have Faith! – Testimony

Written by Michelle – Sept. 1997 – Angels by Grace Pub.

I was diagnosed with S.L.E. (Lupus) at age thirteen. I’ve been dealing with this illness now for ten years. I’ve never really known of it to get better the whole time I’ve had it, only a little worse each time. You know I’ve heard all my life, “You’ve got to have faith or you’ll never get better.” But I just didn’t believe it.

Finally one day I got saved, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I then turned away from the old life and realized theat there was a new life out there. At first it wasn’t any different feeling within me, but I started to realize that my life was about to totally take a turn for the better.

The whole faith thing was still quoted. I still had a problem believing it. My normal reaction was,”yeah right!” This faith thing was going to make me better, but how? was what I wondered at the time. As time went on I was getting people to pray for me and still nothing was happening. I was starting to get discouraged even more.

As time continued to pass and I started asking people why God has not healed me and why it is taking Him so long to do so? In response, they’d answer, “You have to have faith” and that’s not what I wanted to hear. So I started to read more on faith and it started to become a little more clear to me.

Where I’m currently attending church the people have been praying for me and for God to heal my physical body of all sickness. I’ve been fighting to get my white blood count up to normal.. Chemotherapy has knocked it down really low. My white blood count has only been in the one thousand range the whole time I’ve been sick.

With this last chemo it was knocked down to nine hundred and this is really dangerous. Normal white count is five thousand to ten thousand. I went back to the doctor for more tests a week later and my white count had come up to about fifteen hundred, which is still low.

I then asked my church family and friends to pray for me and for the white count to come up even higher. While I was waiting for the test result I visited a good Christian friend, whom I love dearly. She laid hands on me and we prayed for God to move in my body.

I had to go back for another checkup and also see if the white counts had come up any higher. The doctor didn’t have the results but called two days later. The doctor stated that he didn’t understand what had happened, but my white count had risen to four thousand four hundred! I was thrilled! I knew it wasn’t anything the doctor had done. I knew it was something God had done in my body at that time. And that’s just it, it takes time. It is not our timing, it’s the Lord’s timing.

You have to understand I wasn’t believing to start with. Trust me, it wasn’t until I started to believe that I began to receive from God what He has to offer me in my life. So let me close with these few words, I really never understood what “faith” really was. But now I see that all I had to do was step out and trust Him and really believe that He’ll do what He says He’ll do.

To those of you who struggle with this, all you have to do is learn to really trust and start to truly believe. It does work, I’m living proof of it all. Whatever you do, never give up. Remember God’s always been there even when you thought He wasn’t. May God bless you in all that you continue to do in your lives.

White blood count                                            White blood count                    White blood count

06/20/97   0.9                                                   6/23/97   1.5                               7/7/97    4.4

In Christ – Michelle

~~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

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God’s Flashlight

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Many people do not understand the deep soul devastation that happens when children are abused physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually. Why spiritually? Because in each and every human God placed His spark within us before we were even born.  He knew us before we were conceived. (Jer.1:5) He said we are created in His image. (Gen.1:27) Mom and Dad are just the vessels He has used to bring us into this world.

The genetic makeup of a child is such that each has his own predisposition as to character and personality. How God created him can be altered through abuse because it directly affects how his character and personality will be developed. It can be nourished or devastated. Abuse attacks all that a child was meant to be. His D.N.A. will never be changed but what God created him for can and will be devastatingly changed. We were created to love and be loved, to feel joy, and enjoy life, and above all to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, and soul.

Through my own healing experiences the Lord has shown me much. I call it His big “flashlight” shining deep within my soul exposing those deep hurts, the wounds to my heart, the wounds that seared my thought processes, and so much more.

Through therapy, through much prayer, through dreams and visions He has brought healing in a variety of ways. He dug deep to expose the hurt. He dug deep to expose the falsehoods that had been told to me over and over and over again; it’s your fault, you liked it, you wanted it, you are my tool and I can do what I want with you, if you were good…, you’re worthless, the list is endless and may vary with each survivor but they all attack the personhood of the child. Instead of instilling worth and value and love, – guilt, shame, worthlessness, are being methodically and deliberately instilled in the child.

I mentioned dreams and visions because, in my recovery, the Lord would use dreams where He would reveal certain things to me. For instance, my career as a flight attendant placed me on airplanes for many years. I can relate to air travel so the Lord would use planes and hotels to get His point across. Other times He would use a person/people I knew or pets that I had.

My point is, don’t be fooled by a dream where within the dream there may be things you are familiar with. Because I was on a plane or in a hotel in a dream doesn’t mean I was just having some sort of flashback. If a dream bothers you, keeps coming to mind, or even a small portion of it, pray about it asking the Lord to show you what He is telling you. Write the dream down and then pray about it and allow the Lord to bring a deeper understanding to the wounds that He is touching. Make no assumptions about what the dream may mean. It’s easy to do that but we can miss the deeper meaning and healing.

For many years I had one dream that continually would show up without regard to anything I may have encountered that day, week, or even month. It was a small child’s hand. It appeared to belong to a two-year old child. It was always reaching out with the index finger pointing as though reaching out to touch something. I never understood and finally the Lord, after many years, revealed what it was. The Lord was leading me into the beginning stages of the healing process. Once the Lord revealed what that hand reaching out meant I have never had the dream again. He later revealed, through a vision this time, that the abuse began when I was an infant.

We can miss the magnificent healing powers of the Lord Jesus Christ by ignoring or discounting ways that He can bring about deeper healer within us. Jesus is Jehovah Rapha – The Lord that heals. (Ex. 15:26)

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Blessings to you.

My Prayer

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Name withheld – Angels by Grace Publication -July 1997

O’Father in heaven keep Your holy angels about me as I dwell in the wonders of Your creation. Let the leaves speak as the birds chirp.

Let the whisper of the breeze be a melody in my heart. As the sun peeks through the tree tops God, let it be rays of love and hope and peace entering my soul.

Let me breathe in the cool fresh air as the breath of life You breathed into me. Glory be to God on High for You are my breath of life.

Nature’s songs are only a reminder that with no God, no saving grace, no Jesus Christ I am as dead as the rotted log whose roots are exposed to the termites of life. The green of its branches have faded away for it left its source of nutriment and life.

Let all those dead things You see in me be pruned, plucked, or torn away. For my roots are embedded in Jesus’ blood. And glory be to God, I live.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

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Blessings to you.

Power of Prayer

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I got up early one morning and rushed into the day;

I had so much to accomplish that I didn’t have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me, and heavier came each task.

“Why doesn’t God help me?” I wondered. He answered,

“You didn’t ask.”

*

I wanted to see joy and beauty, but the day toiled on,

gray and bleak;

I wondered why God didn’t show me. He said,

“But you didn’t seek.”

*

I tried to come into God’s presence; I used all my

keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided, “My child,

You didn’t knock.”

*

I woke up early this morning, and paused before

entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish that I had to

take time to pray.

Author unknown. 

Angels by Grace Pub. March 1997

~~~~~~~~~

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elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Holding onto the Shield of Faith

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In Ephesians 6 God tells us to put on the Full Armor of God. He has given us the tools to fight the enemy of God.  One of those tools is the Shield of Faith.

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Eph. 6:16

The Lord, through His prophets, have been warning us that we are facing terrible times ahead. We shake our head in wonder now at the things that are taking place in our society and the world and wonder what is going to happen. Do we focus on the senseless slaughtering from ISIS, the attempt to destroy the sanctity of marriage through the homosexual agenda, the slaughtering of millions of unborn children, attacks against Israel, or Ebola? Although these are important do they strike a note of fear in us? Do they consume our thoughts?

Our focus is to be on God! He is calling us to repentance. He is wanting to hear our heartfelt prayers and our praise and worship. We are not to focus on the world or the events that are happening in the world. We are to look beyond and above the world to eternity. Our eyes are to be on Him not the events of the world that can leave us shaking in fear.

We are to cling to God through His Son Jesus Christ through our faith in Him. We pray without ceasing and in addition to the other pieces of armor we take hold of that piece, the shield of faith, and hold fast!

Gary D. Kinnaman, in his book, “Winning your Spiritual Battles” discusses the various pieces of God’s full armor and gives an account of what each Biblically means and how we can be protected. Mr. Kinnaman states that in the New Testament there are four different shades of meaning of faith.

1. Saving Faith – We trust that Christ saves us from sin and the consequences thereof. Ro. 10:9, Ro. 4:3

2. Faith to Receive – Faith in our daily trust in God for His provision and help.Heb. 11:6

3. Power faith, gift faith, miracle working faith. – Faith in a general sense – faith to be saved and faith to walk with God. 1Cor.12:9, Gal. 5:22-23, 1Cor. 12:7-11,  1Cor.12-14, Heb. 11:6

4. Enduring faith – Faith that does not quit. It is the persistent, resilient belief that God’s Word is true, over and against every problem, wrong thought, or demon. Endurance is active faith, deflecting persistently the fiery attacks of Satan.

So how do we endure? One day at a time! In 1Peter 1:3-9, “Through faith {you} are shielded by God’s power.” (verse 5) “The shield of faith is God’s power and presence protecting and energizing us in spiritual warfare.”

“Faith in the sense of perseverance shields all the other armor. Truth must persevere to prevail. Righteousness must persevere to prevail. We must persevere in peace-making in order to prevail.”

In these troubling times God is calling us to persevere. We must have enduring faith if we are going to “run the race” and receive the prize. Grab your shield of faith and hang on tight, it’s only going to get worse.

“Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Rev. 2:10

A prayer for Holding up the Shield of Faith:

“Heavenly Father and mighty God, shield me with Your power as I trust in You. The flaming arrows of the enemy have burned my soul. Heal the pain inside, and give me the strength to resist.

I am committed to enduring to the end of this trial, regardless of how long it lasts. I am not a victim. I am a victor, more than a conqueror through Christ.

My faith, Lord, is in You. I renounce my own abilities, and I confess that unless Jesus builds up my life, everything I do is in vain. Only when I trust You completely am I completely protected from the fiery darts of the wicked one. I hide myself in the fire of Your presence. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

41K3383MY0L._AA160_[1]Winning Your Spiritual Battles – How to put on the full armor of God. Gary D. Kinnaman

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Blessings to you.

The roller coaster of healing – A Letter to Jesus

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Dear Jesus:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I haven’t wanted to talk to you most of the time during these past few weeks. I don’t feel close, yet I know you’re with me. I don’t want to open your Word or even go to church. “Why?” keeps popping into my mind. Yet I don’t really care why.

I know I’m getting tired of feeling like this. I can’t work, I can’t do the hobbies I enjoy. I can’t serve you as I have in the past or as I should. It’s you that does these things through me, I know that, But I don’t even want to pray, Lord! If I don’t care why, then why am I writing this? If this experience is to show me I can’t do anything without you, I already know that. I want to scream, “So what’s going on?” but I don’t want the answer, either.

I’m messed up, Lord. I’m at a place I don’t remember even being before I became a Christian. Any yes, it’s very obvious that I’m operating out of the flesh. Part of me is screaming, “So what! I am human!” I feel like I’m mad at you and I don’t know why. This feels like the time you used my healing to show others the pain we feel from abuse. Remember that? I was really hurting and you allowed me to go through that in front of others. Boy, was I a real mess then! And I didn’t like that any more than I like this.

I don’t see what the lesson is here. Are you using this experience as a lesson to someone else? Me? I want to shout, “Where’s the lesson!?” But I’m not sure I want to hear the answer. Choices? Consequences? You’ve led me to those type verses the few times I’ve opened your Word this past few weeks. I did read them before I slammed the Bible closed.  Is that what all of this is about? Are you showing me I do have choices? That the “lost” feeling that seems to permeate me now, comes from those choices?

Lord, there’s anger, frustration, agitation. All sorts of negative feelings swirling around inside me. Why? Where does it come from? I care – I don’t. I want – I don’t want. I even feel, “So what?” It’s all inside of me.

I guess it’s up to me now, right? I can ask for your understanding. Ask you, “Why?” Part of me doesn’t want to know, doesn’t care. That doesn’t make sense, either.  I know this relationship is team work. You and me have to work together to accomplish whatever we endeavor. This part of the team doesn’t seem to care any more, yet I do.

Instead of me waiting on the Lord, I think, you Christ, are waiting on me. Waiting until I want your help, want you as an intricate part of my life again. Which, by the way, I never understood anyway. I never deserved you in the first place. So where’d you go? How come you left?

Lord, I know you haven’t left. I have. And I don’t know how to get back, or, if I want to. I gave you my life. You’re my Shepherd. Come find this lost lamb, ’cause I’m scared.

The answer was given in John 1:48-51.

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Name withheld by request – Angels by Grace April 1998

 

If you have any confidential comments/questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

http://www.elahministries.com

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http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

Blessings to you.