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Unhealthy Soul Ties

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February 3, 2016

SOUL TIES

Sex is a tridimensional experience: spirit, soul, and body. Anytime you have sex with a person you bond with them. Dr. Daniel Amen writes in his book, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it,’ yet something is occurring on another level that they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not. One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. One reason it is usually the woman who is hurt most is that the female limbic system is larger than the male’s.”

This is what we call soul ties. Sex is like gluing two pieces of wood together and the next day ripping them apart. Of course, wood from the opposite board remains on each board. A piece of your sex partner (the good, bad, and ugly) stays with you (and vice versa) for the rest of your life. You can only imagine what it looks like when you bond with multiple partners.

Unhealthy soul ties are often the ramifications of having partners that you create a life-long bond with through a sexual encounter(s), but with whom you only have a short-term relationship with. The bond (soul tie) remains long after the relationship is over, leaving both sexual partners longing for wholeness.

THREE REASONS UNHEALTHY SOUL TIES TAKE PLACE:

1. People are misinformed and therefore convinced that sex is strictly a single-dimensional, physical act with no emotional or spiritual connections. Yet after sex they find themselves mysteriously longing for the person they may not even like.

2. A person (usually the woman) gives him or herself sexually to someone expecting that the intensely intimate act of intercourse would create a bond that would lead to deeper levels of commitment in their relationship. But soon she discovers that her sexual partner was taking advantage of her need for intimacy and used her vulnerability to get laid. Of course, this leads to a person being emotionally and spiritually bonded to somebody that they deeply resent!

3. Two people commit to marriage and therefore surmise that the covenant vows are only a formality. So they live together and enjoy a sexual relationship outside of a life-long commitment. But later they decide (for whatever reason) that they don’t want to live in a covenant relationship and eventually break up. They usually don’t realize how deeply they have wounded each other as their souls are ripped apart, tearing the very fabric of their being in the separation.

I understand that there are hundreds of other reasons why unhealthy soul ties take place, but I am simply trying to give you a few examples.

7 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY SOUL TIE:

1. You are in a physically, and/or emotionally, and/or spiritually abusive relationship, but you “feel” so attached to them that you refuse to cut off the connection and set boundaries with them.

2. You have left a relationship (maybe long ago), but you think about the other person obsessively (you can’t get them out of your mind).

3. Whenever you do anything – make a decision, have a conversation with someone etc., you “feel” like this person is with you or watching you.

4. When you have sex with someone else (hopefully your husband or wife), you can hardly keep yourself from visualizing the person you have a soul tie with.

5. You take on the negative traits of the person that your soul is tied to and carry their offenses whether or not you actually agree with them.

6. You defend your right to stay in a relationship with the person that your soul is tied to, even though it is negatively effecting or even destroying the important relationships in your life (husband, wife, kids, leaders, etc.)

7. You have simultaneous experiences and/or “moods” as the person your soul is tied to. This can even include sickness, accidents, addictions etc.

1 Corinthians 6:15 – Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.”

THERE IS HOPE

There is hope if you find yourself in an unhealthy soul tie. You can never fall so far that you can’t be restored. New life is available to you by simply repenting and asking Jesus to forgive you. Forgiveness restores the standard in our lives, and you can live in freedom and hope again.

For more on this subject, check out my book Moral Revolution.

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~~~~

http://www.elahministreis.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Once upon a Time… No Fairy Tale Here! – Testimony

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Once upon a time a little girl was born into a family that wasn’t rich and wasn’t exactly poor. I suppose they would fall into the “middle class” category of society. They lived in the country and those who knew them thought all was well. But it wasn’t. It was a family filled with deep dysfunction.

As the little girl grew, her hurt and pain grew with her. She was being abused; physically, emotionally, sexually, and psychologically from a very early age. She had no hope, no dreams, and saw no way out. She put on a brave front but inside she was empty, lonely, and angry. Very angry!

One day her neighbor asked her to church so the little girl went so as to escape the misery at home. The preacher spoke of how Jesus saves us. Hope filled the little girls heart and she ran forward and asked Jesus to save her. When she got home she waited and watched. Any sound and she’d run to the window to see if Jesus had shown up to save her from the torture she lived in. She expected the knock on the door any day.

But no knock came. As the days passed she felt hurt and confused, then angry, then bitterness set in. As a young teen her hell continued at home with added pain piling up. She was gang raped then learned she was pregnant. The child was snatched from her womb and placed in the arms of a stranger without her ever seeing her child. Her bitterness grew and any who spoke of God would meet with her wrath.

Her rage and angry roots grew so deep no one could get through. The door was slammed shut to anything pertaining to a loving God. Her pain continued to dig deeper and deeper. She attempted suicide a couple of times but to no avail. God wouldn’t even let her die!

She married in her late twenties and thought all would be okay now. Only it wasn’t.

Her new husband beat her. He stayed out all night and brought women to their bed when she was out of town. He drank and lived in the bars. He got mixed up with the wrong crowd and finally was looking down the wrong end of a gun being held by a killer. Her pain deepened but life must go on.

Where was God? She didn’t ask. She figured He could care less. As far as she was concerned she didn’t exist in God’s eyes. If He doesn’t care, why should she?

Once again single she figured single life was okay. She dated, she worked, she had a good time, too. The mask she wore covered her wounded heart.

Four years later she met another man. A man totally opposite of her abusive husband. A Christian man. He didn’t belittle her. He didn’t hit her or call her ugly names. He didn’t drink or chase women. He supported her and loved her. He didn’t preach to her, somehow knew better. He didn’t talk about love. He showed her what love is and gradually she was able to toy with the idea that maybe God brought this loving man into her life. She trusted her husband and loved him more than anything she’d ever known.

But bad things happen.

She retired. He retired. They traveled and enjoyed doing the things they had dreamed about doing some day. But all those dreams were never met. He got sick. Five years of fighting his illness and living in hospitals brought her new pain. At least now she was talking to God. Lashing out would be more like it. “If You are real You are going to have to prove it to me!” she screamed silently.

He did.

Soon after she buried her husband she found herself standing in front of a pastor asking Jesus to be her Savior. She wasn’t sure how she got there, or really why she was there, but after that things began  changing in her life. Changing drastically! Jesus was now her Counselor and the wounds of the past were being confronted and healed. Her life was being transformed a step at a time.

Her phone rang one morning. She slowly walked toward the kitchen to answer it. While reaching for the phone the Lord spoke softly, “I’m giving back to you what was taken away.” She heard her long-lost child’s voice for the first time in thirty-six years.

God wasn’t through proving He’s real.

He used her to help others with similar pain from their pasts. He taught her to trust Him. He took her to places she had never been, not just physical locations, but emotional and spiritual places. He’s given her dreams and visions and warnings and encouragement to give to others. He’s used this once hurt and angry little girl in ways that continues to amaze her even today.

Long ago she gave up on Him – but He never gave up on her!

He uses her today to tell those that do not believe or accept Him, that He is real. He wants them to know He cares. He wants them to know they’ll never be alone if they will only accept Him. He wants them to know that He will transform their lives if they’ll just place their trust in Him.

I know, because I was that little girl.

God proved He is real and continues to prove it to me every day. He is my life, my healing, my hope, my Redeemer. He is my all. I pray He will become yours, and that if you haven’t already, you will ask the Lord to forgive you of your sins and come into your heart and transform your life.

Sue

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“If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Roman 10:9  

Feel free to e-mail me if you have confidential questions or comments at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

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Blessings to you.

I Never Felt Loved – A Testimony

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Written by Belinda – Angels by Grace Pub. March 1997

My abuse started around the age of eight or nine, by one of my closest Uncles. This Uncle was everybody’s dream father. He helped with homework, played sports, went swimming, fishing, and so on.

My Aunt treated me as if I were her own. She took me shopping and bought me things, helped me with homework, took me to church with all its activities, and she was teaching me about believing in God. I got Baptized, too.

Because my parents always fought, would separate and then get back together, I felt my Aunt and Uncle’s home was my safe haven. There was no fighting or hitting taking place. They ate dinner together, it was like a dream home where people were family. Then my Uncle started molesting me and that’s when everything went wrong.

My relationship changed with my Aunt, it wasn’t as strong any more. I was afraid she would figure out what my Uncle was doing. I feared going to their house and was afraid to go to sleep while there, or even go to the bathroom alone.

I seemed to be afraid of a lot of things, afraid someone would look in the window, afraid my Aunt would be angry at me and not love me any more. And my Uncle seemed like he didn’t care if he was caught. Yet I felt like I was the guilty one. Knowing the abuse was wrong but being scared people would blame me.

For a year and a half my Uncle grabbed, touched me in places he shouldn’t, as well as making sexual remarks. Then my father began abusing me and that lasted until I was fourteen years old.  My father seemed like he’d turned into this evil man. I couldn’t reason with him, no amount of crying or begging helped. It was like he had no feelings.

Some of my father’s abuse took place on his boat. Hundreds of happy people walking just feet from where he was abusing me and I’d think, “Why doesn’t someone stop! Somebody come in here and help me.” When it was over I hated walking outside because I felt like everyone knew what had just happened and I felt so embarrassed.

What I really can’t understand and what really hurts me is that my mother had caught him abusing me on two separate occasions. My grandmother had also caught him and merely said, “He’ll quit.” But he didn’t. That’s when I lost all hope and faith that he would ever be stopped. He did finally stop abusing me when he and my mother divorced, but then I guess I was in “shut down.” All my survivor skills kicked in and I no longer cried, no more begging, nothing mattered. I had been an A and B student, but I no longer cared for school. I hung out with older crowds, drank, stayed out all night. I thought there was only one way for the boys to like you.

I met the man I married and I suddenly felt loved. Of course I depended on him to make me happy because I didn’t know how to be happy. Some years into the marriage I suddenly didn’t want to be left alone, not even for him to go to work. I started remembering some of the things from the past and I was so unhappy. It was like nothing could make me happy!

I refused to face the past, thinking, “All that’s in the past, it isn’t happening now.” I was in big denial that the abuse was the cause of so many of my problems. I did start seeing a counselor but I continued to feel un-loved, out of place, unhappy, and that no-one cared for me.

I couldn’t make decisions, I felt like I was just floating through life with no purpose, just waiting for it all to end. I couldn’t accept that I was going to have to face my pain and it was almost un-thinkable that I would have to do just that.

I’d tell my counselor, “I’m not angry, I’m not hurt. I feel sorry for my abusers.” Recognizing my anger was real hard for me. I felt like it was betraying my family. My family didn’t deserve any anger from me! I’ve worked on many areas of hurt in counseling. One being, I couldn’t talk about this part of my life with my husband. I didn’t want to share or for him to know I had been abused. I fought with my feelings about not telling him, yet I felt my reasons were justified. What I really felt was that he wouldn’t love me any more if he knew.

My counselor told me many times, “Go home and talk with your husband about this.” My reply was always the same, “I can’t! I’d rather jump off a bridge!” But somehow she got us to go to family counseling and its been going well.  My husband is my number one supporter.

For so long I fought the feelings that would rise up in me and felt there was no hope of ever getting past the abusive past. I felt there was just too much damage done, but I was wrong. Therapy has been very helpful.

After a while I started noticing that I paid attention when God was mentioned. I’d even catch myself praying for His help and guidance. You see, I always said, “There can’t be a God. Why would He let it happen to little girls?” Then I’d think, “Okay, He let it happen, but why make me suffer and not them?” It seemed like I was the one being punished. But then one day I realized I was angry at God. I won’t say I’m completely happy with where I am with Him now, but I’m on the right road and still learning.

I met a lady during the time I was in the hospital and she and I became very good friends. We sat up and talked all night and once when I was really upset she said, “Belinda, you know Someone has been watching over you. Because if not you probably wouldn’t be around today.” That really sticks out to me. Now when things get tough and I don’t think I can go on I ask God to please help me and guide me. Then, somehow, I get through it and the next day is a little brighter.

I feel my accomplishments have been numerous. I no longer deny my feelings (most of the time.) I can at least identify them and can put some of the shame where it belongs. My relationship with my husband and children is much better. I try to listen to myself and believe my pain does exist and it’s okay to hurt. I have hope and I’m trying to find out who “me” is.

The most difficult part of healing for me right now is my relationship with my mother. I loved her so much and I just needed her to say, “Its going to be okay.” Instead, she refuses to accept that I didn’t want the abuse or the damage that the abuse has caused. That’s very hurtful for me. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen so I struggle with feelings of guilt, fearing I’m hurting my family. They believe, “It’s all in the past, so let it go.” That makes me feel alone and that my family doesn’t love me.

I try to remember that my husband and children do care and want me to heal. I have them. I’m working on issues of my family and those losses. Letting go of that fantasy family and childhood, yet realizing “normal family” can’t be.

If someone called me on the phone and asked for my advice, I’d tell them, “Don’t deny your feelings. Things will get better and easier. Follow your heart, you deserve healing.” And I would cry for them and just let them talk until they couldn’t talk any more. And I’d let them know Someone is watching over them.

My work has been hard and I know I have only one way to go. I would choose to heal again if I had to because I’m just getting a glimpse of who I really am. I know when I am through healing I’m finally free from my childhood and its pain. My husband, children, and I can truly be happy.

I’m working very hard on my relationship with God. I am forever grateful for the people who have helped me. My husband, for standing by me and not giving up. My best friend ____, who listened and pulled the truth from me. ____for all those encouraging talks, and the work that my counselor has done. For my angels, Sue and Kay, who took the time to help and understand. I look at them and think, “It does get better. They can laugh and smile and be themselves.” So they are a big inspiration.

I’ve always thought about angels and to me it seems kind of strange that I landed at Angels Group Support Group for help, and I’m receiving it. I’m hoping for everyone to receive the healing we all deserve. Keep me in your prayers as I’ll keep you in mine.

Belinda

~~~~~~~~

Note: With Belinda’s counselor and our support Belinda pressed charges against her abuser. He pled guilty and was sent to prison.

 

http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Angels by Grace

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1994 I was facilitating a new ministry the Lord put on my heart. “The Angel Group” was a support group for women who had been sexually abused as children. It was the only Christian based support group within several counties and we had women traveling several miles to attend. The need was, and still is great.

One morning the Lord woke me up out of a sound sleep and told me, “Get up! You’re going to publish a magazine.” I had no idea how to do that but as always the Lord is faithful to walk us through whatever He calls us to do. Standing at the kitchen table with Christ beside me we put together a small outreach publication for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. All submissions were by survivors. The publication started out with only 25 mailings and by the end of four and a half years it had crossed into several states and the hands of many, from hurting survivors to professionals, pastors and everyone in between. Any time we follow the calling of the Lord and do things His way we will be successful. Over the past several months, you my readers, have read several of those submissions.

Here is a letter to the Angel Ministry, now Elah Ministries, Inc., as an example of how reaching out can bring hope, healing, and deliverance to those who are hurting. I see our blogs, yours and mine, as an outreach ministry and regardless of whether you have comments at the end of your article or not, you are touching someone.

~~~~~~

April 1998

Dear Angels of Angels by Grace and Angel Group:

I am a fellow “Angel” if you should call it that. Though I must confess it’s been years since I’ve felt like one. I write to you to praise, mainly because I’ve lived in this town for over ten years and your Angels by Grace magazine is the first outreach of support I’ve encountered in that time without seeking it out.

I wanted to let you know, that both witness and compassionate brothers and sisters in this healing journey that yes, you are reaching out indeed. Your magazine managed to reach its way into a secured building and guarded cell block in Douglas County jail, where myself and a handful of women have been blessed with the assurance that there are still people who care.

The other reason I wanted to send praise is on a more personal note. And actually, maybe it’s not so much praise for your work as it is a deep gratitude. I have been here a month and await my court date next week, concerning charges resulting from an addiction that I have.

The addiction in turn, results from years of traveling over, under, and around issues from eight years of sexual abuse as a child. The psychological and mental aspects of healing are nothing new to me. I’ve been through more forms of counseling than I care to disclose.

What is new to me though, is recognizing that no amount of medicine or counseling will help heal these buried hurts if I neglect to make my relationship with Jesus Christ a “constant” in that journey. I have been a born again Christian for seven years now, but oddly enough, that revelation has just occurred to me.

Receiving your magazine today made that possible by awakening a desire in me. A desire to examine my heart and surrender it to the Lord. I have realized that literally, it is too exhausting for me to carry the burdens any longer. I am now ready and willing to let God take them for me.

An added bonus, if you can call it that, is that I have taken the first step in overcoming my addiction and getting my life back on track. There is, most assuredly, a long road ahead for me. And it seems deeply overwhelming at times. I had thought, “there’s so much to do to begin really healing, make amends, forgive others, forgive myself, that I don’t know where to start.”

I do know now. I’ll start on my knees. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll try flat on my face and stomach. I’m learning to pray again and it’s wonderful. I am scared out of my wits when I think about what lies ahead. What I’ll find that I’ve been hiding away. I fear that maybe it will be to much to handle, but in my heart I know that’s just that scared little girl talking, who didn’t know Jesus.

The best part of all of this is that I’m a grown woman now, who knows and believes in Him. Satan, with all his manipulative demons, has no power here! Not in my days now.

I wanted to say to each of you that the lesson of the week for me has been to learn to take the promises of God as just that, Promises. Promises from One who would never forsake or break them. In 1Peter 5:10,11 it says, “The God of all grace, Who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself perfect, establish, strengthen and restore you. To Him be the power for ever and ever.” That’s a promise!

Thank you again for sending your love, even unbeknownst, to each of us here. You are in our prayers, and I ask that if you will, would you please remember to say a word for us? There is a magnitude of hurt and bitterness here the devil himself would back away from. I know that none of it can be cleansed without the power of God. Please pray for that power. Sending much love and thanks, and may God bless and keep you.  Alice.

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http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

http://www.suespen2paper.com   http://www.cybersupportgroup.org

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Will faith carry you?

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We have all faced times of trouble, of sorrow, of events that have tested our faith to the limits. So how do we rise above those down times, those times when God and His Son and Holy Spirit seem to be off somewhere in the distance that we feel we cannot reach?

Scripture says that faith comes through hearing. (Ro. 10:17) To me that doesn’t always mean through a preacher behind the pulpit. It can be through others who have walked similar paths as we have. It can be through reading the scriptures in the Bible, music, or that small still voice that comes from deep within us.

As Christians we have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He is with us constantly. There is never a second that we are alone and He will not remain silent as long as we tap into the Source. We build our faith by praying and listening. By crying out to God Almighty and believing that He hears us and cares.

Being in an abusive environment can destroy hope and faith. We hope things will get better and they don’t. At times they only get worse. How is faith to grow when it seems nothing we do has any impact on our circumstances? It’s a tough life and without hope we seem to disappear into a sea of pain and hopelessness. But hope is there because we have a loving and merciful Savior.

We have a Savior that bore our pain when He was nailed unmercifully to a cross. He looked out over humanity and love swelled in His heart as He said, “It is finished.”  (John 19:30) There’s our hope! We have a Savior that took our sins with each dying breath he took.

Somewhere along the line of life we have heard of God. He says no one has an excuse not to believe. (Ro.1:20) His Majesty is all around us. The blue of the sky, the trees that sway in a wind that we can not see yet can feel. The first cry of a new born baby. Every breath we take is ordained by God. His presence is everywhere. We just have to believe and have faith that God is on our side.

We should never allow circumstances, what people have done to hurt us, the hurt we feel, or past sin to stand between us and our loving, compassionate, caring, and merciful God. Our relationship with Him is the most important relationship we will ever have in this life time. Have faith. He loves you.

 

http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

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elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

The Great Sculptor

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As I counsel hurting believers week after week, pain is often the common denominator in their lives. Why does God allow pain and suffering in the life of the believer? In reading, “When God Weeps” by Joni Eareckson Tada, I found several reasons why we go through suffering. I would like to share some of her thoughts with you.

Hebrews 5:7-9 states, “…although He was a Son, He learned obedience from what he suffered and made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him.” This is good news for the suffering soul. The Son of God did not exempt Himself from affliction but lived through it and learned from it. Once the process is complete, He became the source of help for all who obey Him.  Should we suffer? “A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.” (Matt. 10:24-25)

Suffering fashions us into a “holy and blameless” image of Christ. (Eph.1:4) much like a figure sculpted out of marble. An artist in Florence, Italy once asked the great Renaissance sculptor Michaelangelo what he saw when he approached a huge block of marble. “I see a beautiful form trapped inside.” he replied. “and it is simply my responsibility to take my mallet and chisel and chip away until the figure is set free.”

The beautiful form, the visible expression of “Christ in you, the hope of glory” is inside Christians like a possibility, a potential. The idea is there, and God uses affliction like the hammer and chisel, chipping and cutting to reveal His image in you. God chooses as His model His Son, Jesus Christ. “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” (Rom. 8:29)

God continues to chisel, chipping more away. “To keep me from becoming conceited…there was given me a thorn in the flesh.” (2Cor.12:7)  God works deeper, carefully fashioning every hidden crevice, even our temperament: “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who…made Himself…nothing He humbled Himself and became obedient to death – even death on the cross!” (Phil. 2:5-8)

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our commitment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character. It’s a beautiful image!

And it’s an image like no other. When Christ is unveiled in me, it’s a unique sculpture. It’s what patience, self-control, endurance, gentleness, kindness, as well as a healthy hatred of sin, looks like on “Joni.” That’s different than the way sensitivity and self-control look on my husband or anyone else. My particular affliction is divinely hand-tailored expressly for me.

Yielding to the chisel is “learning obedience from what we suffer.” Our circumstances don’t change; we change. The “who” of who we are is transformed, like a form unfolding, into His likeness with ever-increasing glory. “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2Cor. 3:16-18)

I cannot afford to focus on the hammer and chisel. I cannot look around me and bemoan what God is chipping away. Turn your focus on Him, trusting that He will never cut or gouge too deeply. God is not a casual or capricious Sculptor. “For I know the plans I have for you, ‘ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11)

James Eubanks – Grace Ministries

Angels by Grace -June 1998

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elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Where my hope lies

 

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elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

We Can Overcome!

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Healing doesn’t mean

the damage never

existed.

It means the 

damage no longer

controls our lives. 

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Ro. 12:2

 

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Blessings to you.

Faith – It does not make things easy. It makes them possible. Luke1:37

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I have a stirring in my spirit and it’s love, concern, compassion, empathy and anger. Yes, anger! I’m angry at how the devil is influencing some of my brothers and sisters in Christ who have suffered the horrific effects from the sins that others have done to them and I want it to stop!

Oh, how the devil can make us feel such hopelessness while facing the issues from the past. I know! I spent a long time crying, screaming, wanting to die, and wanting God to stop the pain I felt inside. I know what it’s like to want to give up. To just make the pain stop! I’ve lain curled up in the fetal position with thoughts and plans of suicide racing through my mind and I know how it is to pray and pray and pray and think my prayers are a waste of time.

I know what it’s like to hold women as they scream through the pain when a horrific memory jumps up and bites them. I suffered those nightmares, too! I’ve had various women live with me that the Lord brought to my home. Hurting, suicidal, suffering through the issues because of the past. I have ministered to them in my home, in support groups, and I have ministered to them individually. I have also sat in that counselors chair and felt like a zombie with no hope and I’ve stared at the pill bottle more times than I want to admit. I know those times when we shake our fist at God and scream, “WHY!? WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP IT!?”

It isn’t easy! But there is hope!

Let me assure you that there is a time when the nightmares stop, the issues that plaque you will lessen, and the time will come when you can hold your head high and say, “I am stronger because of what happened to me. The Lord brought me through it. Glory be to God.”

Christ is our hope! You can believe that or you can turn away from the only One who truly knows your pain. Your choice. He will use people to help us and it doesn’t always have to be a counselor or a therapist. I suggest a counselor but I don’t know your circumstances.  A friend who can sit beside us and cry with us, a support group, reading books that help us to better understand the issues we deal with, and I don’t mean self-help books! are all helpful. Someone who you trust that you can talk to sometimes helps. I know about those trust issues, too. I know about the shame of telling I have been violated. Maybe it happened once and maybe it happened for many years. The pain can be the same, the shame and guilt can be the same, but there is hope!

Some may feel God has deserted them because we’re so sick of hurting and seemingly He isn’t doing anything. He is always at work behind the scenes! He promised to never leave you nor forsake you. (Duet. 31:8)  He doesn’t lie! He said that by His stripes we are healed. (Is. 53:5) He doesn’t lie! He said that, “If you come close to Me I will come close to you.” (James 4:8) He doesn’t lie! He said He died so that we could have life more abundant. (Jn. 10:10) He doesn’t lie!

In our anguish we sometimes feel like giving up. Don’t! We sometimes feel the world is better off without us. It isn’t! You were put here for a purpose. We sometimes feel the pain will never end. It does! We sometimes feel nobody cares, He does! We feel unloved, dirty, and that if anyone knows they will shun us like a bad disease. Christ loves you! You were bought with His blood! (1Cor. 6:20) There is hope!

I have ministered to women that have been Satanically abused and have overcome what was meant for absolute pure unadulterated evil! I have ministered to people with multiple personalities and witnessed God’s healing as they became whole and one. I have witnessed the Lord work miraculous healing in those who have slit wrists, over-dosed, and wanted nothing to do with God. There is hope!

But healing does not come by curling up in our beds in the fetal position. That’s blunt, I know. If we expect healing to come and we want the pain to stop we have to grit our teeth and take each issue as it presents itself and work it. I know, it gets old! But we have to be like a bulldog standing ready to fight the devil. It’s the devil that plants those hopeless thoughts in our heads!

That’s how healing comes! We don’t give up! We face the past with the strength and courage that Jesus Christ gives us on a daily basis. We buckle down to the business of becoming what Christ wants us to be not what some perverted abuser said we were or who left us feeling less than. There is hope!

Yes, it’s hard! It’s darn hard to face the past! We can’t heal what isn’t confronted! With Him all things are possible. (Matt. 19:26) He isn’t going to force you. He wants you to be a happy, healthy, child of His. Healthy emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There is hope of being able to walk proud, to be able to face a world with love and compassion instead of anger, hatred and shame. There is hope that one day I can stand before a room full of people and say, without shame, I was sexually abused and this is what the Lord has done.

I’ve done that, too. Many times. Don’t give up. There is hope!

“Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1John 4:4

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 Jesus, You came to set the captives free and in Your Holy Name I come against the demons of hopelessness.

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

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Blessings to you.

A Testimony – “Touched by an Angel”

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Have you ever been touched by an angel? I can honestly say since I have grown in my recovery and closer to the Lord, that I have been touched by many angels. I probably won’t be able to name them all but I am going to tell you about some of them.

My first angel, I would have to say, would be my husband, John. God sent him to me when I was living on my own, having a hard time with finances, and wanting to go to school. This man, I had only known for three months, decided to help me with my career. We’ve now been married for ten years.

My other encounter with an angel, I would have to say, would be my two boys. They have been the biggest blessing to me and our home.

Before I was hospitalized last year for attempted suicide and depression, Satan had me believing that the only reason why I was born was to have these two boys and that my work was done here on earth, that I was a terrible mother, wife, and friend. Satan tried to make me believe that the world was a better place without me and that God was calling me home. (I really believed this.)

I was so miserable here on earth that Satan made me believe that God wanted to take my pain away by having me commit suicide. God did want to lift my pain, but not the way Satan had said.

God sent another angel my way, my therapist. She is a Christian and I know God put us together for a reason, although I haven’t figured it out yet, but I know and trust Christ to lead me, and us, in the right direction.

The next angel came while I was in the hospital. Dr. M. has been a blessing since day one. She and my therapist have well gone above and beyond the call of duty in the therapist and patient relationship. Dr. M. has spent many nights with me late in her office and my therapist has spent her week-ends on the phone with me to help me through some rough times.

I don’t think people realize the impact that sexual abuse has on a person. You are robbed of your childhood, you have a lousy relationship with your parents, and in my case, family members that don’t believe that someone in my family could do this to me. “I must be making it up.” So I have been trying to function in this world with my family as though nothing had ever happened to me as a child.  Trying to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, a Sunday School teacher, and whatever other duties life has asked me to do. (Does this sound familiar?) Then one day I just broke down and didn’t know why. I just did not want to live any more.

It has taken me over a year to realize that all the people, situations, and places that God has put me in over the past year, that I really am lucky to be here. I have had several suicide attempts. Some really rough week-ends, days just trying to make it through the day. Why? I keep asking God why? And the only reason that I can come up with is that we are all placed here for a reason. We are not to make the decision when our life is to end.

We are not our judges. There is only one and that is God Himself. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone except to me. I am a survivor and I am loved, if not by others, by Jesus Himself. The reason He had for creating me might have been to teach Sunday School for three years and touch a life, or get a job and touch a life, or join a support group and touch a life. Maybe not even to touch a life but change someone’s thinking. Make them smile, give them encouragement when things are not going so well for them. They might not know it but some day they can say they have been touched by an angel.

Because we are all angels in God’s eyes. We were put here on earth to love and care for one another. That is exactly what angels do! And they do it unconditionally without asking anything in return.

I want to thank all the people that God has put in my life. And all the angels He has sent my way. Even though I fought hard to push many people away, thank you Jesus for not giving up on me and for sending more and more angels my way. I know I need all of the help I can get.

I am still very much in recovery. I have a long way to go. I know that I am not alone, that You will be by my side the whole walk and just getting over the hurdle and finding out that there are wonderful people out there wanting to help me, people who love me, support me, and don’t want to hurt me.

Trust is a big issue for anyone who has been abused in any way, shape, or form. The Lord is constantly telling us, over and over again, in the Bible, “Trust in Me and I will lead you to a place of everlasting love and peace.”

The answer is not suicide. That is not our decision to make. The answer is trusting and believing in the Lord Jesus Christ.

My prayer for all who read this: May you find happiness, peace, and love in this life that God has so greatly blessed us with. It may have started out not being so wonderful, but look at it this way, if the first twenty years of your life was terrible, then make the next twenty years the best that they can be.

Touch a life that may need a little encouragement, we are all God’s angels. He is by no means through with us and He has not given up on us. So please don’t give up on you.

Written by Caroline. Angels by Grace – Dec. 1995

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Enjoy the comfort in the words of this song.

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

http://www.elahministries.com

http://www.suepen2paper.com

Blessings to you.