RSS Feed

Tag Archives: healthy boundaries

The Importance of Setting Boundaries in Your Life

Posted on
Health Alert News 
Many people believe that it is selfish to set boundaries.

However, it is important for you to set boundaries in your personal life and professional life. There are many ways that you can benefit from setting personal and professional boundaries.

Save Stress 

If you do not set boundaries at home or at work, then you will quickly find yourself getting overwhelmed. You may end up being drained and not having any energy to do anything else. If you set boundaries, then you will be able to reduce your stress.

Your Own Needs and Met 

When you constantly put other people before yourself, you will likely neglect your own needs. Setting boundaries is one of the keys to making sure that your emotional and physical needs are met. You are more likely to get your needs met if you ask other people for help.

More Compassionate 

Many people think that setting boundaries is unfair and mean.

However, it can actually have the opposite effect. In fact, psychologists have found that people who set boundaries are more compassionate.

Letting people know about what is and is not okay is respectful and kind.

Better Relationships 

Setting boundaries will allow you to have better relationships with everyone around you. Conflict is less likely to occur if everyone already knows what is acceptable. You will have a more peaceful environment in the home and the workplace. Everyone will be happier as a result of this.

Less Resent and Anger 

If there are no boundaries, then people will likely start to walk all over you. This will cause you to feel angry and resentful.

However, if you communicate to ensure that your needs are being met, then you will likely have less anger and resentment.

Peace of Mind 

You will be able to avoid letting people take advantage of you if you set boundaries. This will give you peace of mind. You will be less likely to suffer verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of anyone if the boundaries are already there.

More Time and Energy 

Being a person that says yes to everything and everyone can be draining. However, you will have more time and energy if you set boundaries. If you say no to people and things that drain you down, then you will be able to spend time doing more of the things that you love. As a result of this, you will be happier and healthier.

http://www.elahministriesinc.com

http://www.SuesPen2Paper.com

http://www.facebook.com/elahministriesinc.com

Advertisements

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Posted on

imagesCAP2A2M3

Every person has things that they will tolerate and those things that they will not tolerate. From ourselves and others. It’s called setting boundaries. But are the boundaries we set healthy boundaries?

Children that grow up in dysfunctional families are not given a choice, or not taught what healthy boundaries are. There are not usually boundaries set in dysfunctional homes. Sexual abuse is tolerated or hidden, beating Mom when the dinner isn’t ready on time, cussing and screaming, slapping, verbal attacks, degradation. There are all forms of abuse being tolerated. If there are any boundaries at all they are usually unhealthy.

What is a boundary? According to Webster’s dictionary it is “A limit. Anything marking a limit.” It’s as though we draw a line in the sand and say, “Don’t cross this line!” As Christians we can set healthy boundaries by refusing to listen to dirty jokes and  gossip for example.  Those are healthy boundaries. Once we have let others know that we will not tolerate filthy language, gossip, dirty jokes or whatever it is that offends us we must stick to those boundaries.

What are unhealthy boundaries? Allowing someone to verbally abuse us is one example of an unhealthy boundary. For example, I tell my husband that he can cuss all he wants but I just won’t tolerate the “F” word. Is that really a healthy boundary? No! Or for example, “Just don’t hit me in the face.”

There are many many examples of healthy and unhealthy boundaries but what it boils down to is what and how much I will tolerate, not just from others but from myself. Will I allow someone barging into the bathroom while I soak in the tub? Will I allow someone to continually verbally abuse me and say nothing? Will I continue to be degraded in front of my co-workers? Boundaries are set so that we may be treated with dignity and respect. If I allow others to belittle me or in some way show less than the respect that I deserve then I have not set boundaries. I am accepting that I am “less than.”

Children that have been abused have not been taught boundaries. As adults we tend to allow others to abuse us verbally, emotionally, or physically because we have not been taught that we are loved and respected as another human being. We expect less of people and of ourselves because that’s what our life experiences taught us. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In Gen. 1:28 God told Adam and Eve about ownership. We are not to only take control of the things of the earth but that we are to take control and responsibility for our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. “We are made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t.”* In other words, are we going to allow certain unhealthy things to control us?  “It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t.” *

In  Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend book, “Boundaries” he states, “Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.” *

They go on to discuss attitudes, feelings, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. All have boundaries. “Boundaries are built and you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others.”

Many people feel they are being disobedient, will hurt others feelings, people may think I’m controlling, or angry if I set boundaries. But setting healthy boundaries are none of these. All children need healthy boundaries set in place not only for their safety but for learning they are loved and respected and we as adults also need to put in place healthy boundaries.

As a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse I had to learn to create  healthy boundaries in order to live an emotionally healthy life. All of our relationships are affected by the boundaries we set or the lack of boundaries. What we tolerate is what will continue!

One of books that was of great help in my understanding and learning how to put in place healthy boundaries is:

*51AFJW77T0L._AA160_[1]Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I highly recommend it and the workbook. (available at http://www.amazon.com)

If you have confidential comments or questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

 

http://www.elahministriesinc.com

http://www.suespen2paper.com

http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

Blessings to you.