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We aren’t condemned any more!

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 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,” Rom. 8:1

“You aren’t worth the air you breath!” That was told to me as a young child.

Those of us that have experienced an abusive home life know all too well what being condemned means. We were yelled at for the slightest offense, and many times there was no offense on our part. We were just there! We were used as battering rams for those who could not express their anger at someone else. Maybe it was, or is, a parent, a boss, a poor driver,  a spouse, boyfriend, etc. The anger gets directed at us. We’re blamed for the anger that arises. “It’s all your fault!” And the cuss word’s fly!

In some instances we were used for the cruel jokes of another, made fun of, called stupid, told we were never going to amount to a hill of beans. We were poked fun at in many ways, some were physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, and emotionally tormented as though we were no more than a pile of numb and dumb rocks.

Life isn’t easy and at times some of us have felt that life isn’t worth living. “They’d be better off without me.” Oh yes, we know what being condemned means and praise be to God that through Christ I am free forever from condemnation! (Ro.8:1,2)

God did not create us to be condemned by others. John 1:12 says that I am God’s child. That makes me think of when we see our first born immediately after he/she enters the world, the love that wells up inside. A love we cannot even express. How much more God must be filled when He looks down on His new child. The child He has adopted as His own. (Eph.1:5) I’ll bet’cha a months wages He was grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Because I have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior He has forgiven me of my sins; past, present, and future. Praise God for that or I’d really be in big trouble! When we confess our sins and ask Him for forgiveness He forgives, and not only that, He never remembers them again! (Heb. 10:17) Then why the heck am I beating myself up over some sin that He doesn’t even remember any more!?

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. (2Cor.1:21) Oh wow. He’s anointed me to do anything He calls me to do. Does that mean my little short fat legs can run a marathon or I can write a book or speak in front of thousands, or paint a portrait? Woooow. And I’m immediately a citizen of heaven. (Phil.3:20) Oh praise God, I hate really hot temperatures!

I’m now free from any condemning charges against me, by Him when I was an un-believer, and by those who have condemned me. (Ro. 8:33,34) See, they’re liars! The enemy tries to make me believe their lies. God says, “Oh My precious child, Sue, I created you and you are worthy of the air that I give you to breathe and so much more!” All of God’s children are precious in His sight and His heart and His mind. We children of God are worthy! We’re worthy because He has deemed it so through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.

When the memories of abuse flood back I can find His grace and mercy. (Heb.4:16) I start crying to God and He’ll be right here to comfort me or to explain something I need to know to help me better understand. I don’t have to be afraid any more because Christ has given me power , love, and a sound mind, not a spirit of fear. (2Tim 1:7) I confess, at times I’m not so sure about the “sound mind.” But I definitely have the power to overcome all that was done to me because He is with me and loves me with an everlasting love that I can’t even fatham.

Hey Satan, guess what? You can’t touch me any more! I am born of God (1Jn.5:18) I can be influenced, I can have demonic oppression but I belong to God and there’s not a flippin’ thing the enemy can do about it except try to turn me away from God. That ain’t going to happen! So Get behind me, Satan! And God has told me that all things will work together for good (Ro. 8:28) and I’m confident that what God started in me will be perfected. (Phil.1:6)  So back off, devil, I’m God’s and I believe Him!

If all of this is true, and it is, then why do we continue to hang onto the lies and judgments and condemnation that others have placed on us through childhood and even adulthood?  By continuing to believe the lies of the past we are calling God a liar. Sorry, but that’s true. His word tells us just the opposite of the crap, (excuse my language) that others told us so why do we hold on to the crap and refuse to believe what God tells us? He loves us! He loves us unconditionally. He isn’t the one who lied, called us names, told us we were as stupid as a door knob or as dumb as a rock. He isn’t the one who used us as His tool in unspeakable ways. So why are we willing to continue to believe the evil one who worked through others to destroy us? God said,

“… that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.…”

Eph. 4:23,24

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http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

 

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False Memory Syndrome

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Many of us grew up in homes where Satan’s influences were more prevalent than Christ’s. All forms of abuse took place and for those who have experienced abuse, particularly sexual abuse, coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms can take place within the victim.

In the case of sexual abuse the victim can repress those memories so deeply that as an adult she/he may “forget” the abuse occurred. But it isn’t that easy because our brains don’t forget. Like a computer, even though we delete something, it’s still hidden somewhere in the hard drive. It will come up at sometime with the right buttons pushed!

The victim may eventually go for counseling for depression or anger issues or any number of reasons. One in particular is feelings that “something happened” or flash backs of abuse begin to occur. Others may know they were abused but can’t recall everything and the family members deny vehemently that nothing happened and “you’re making it up.” Which places the victim in a dilemma of “am I making this up or did it really happen?”

In my case I had to sit down and think back over the years I could remember. Yes, I had definite memories of places, approximate ages, and was having dreams that brought out a few incidents,  plus the fact that a sister was also abused even though my mother was denying that I was abused. I went through the stages of “he wouldn’t do that, it didn’t happen, I have to be making this up.” Yet I couldn’t deny that what memories I had were in fact real and not just figments of my imagination.

There are some guidelines that I found useful in discerning the truth.

1. Who brought up sexual abuse in the therapy session?  Did you tell the counselor you had vague memories of abuse? Or did you seek counseling for some problem area and found the counselor “suggesting” sexual abuse as an answer? If your heart reveals thoughts, memories, inklings of an abusive background, follow your heart. I found that when a memory surfaced, it felt right, or it felt wrong. It explained a dream I never understood or a vague inkling of something I couldn’t pin down. If your counselor insists you were abused and that just doesn’t resonate with your heart, mind, and soul, pray about it. God will show you the truth. Consider seeking another counselor if this one continues to insist on abuse.

2. Think back over the early years. Has someone else in your family talked about, or hinted at abuse directed at them. Did a sister reveal that “Daddy was hurting her.?” Is there a tangible friction between your mother and you that you can’t explain as normal friction? In my case there seemed to be a “wall” between my mother and I that I didn’t understand. I know now it was because she knew of the abuse and turned a blind eye to it. Even though I had buried the memories somewhere in my brain I knew she knew. I’m not suggesting that if you and Mom don’t see eye to eye that you were abused and she knew and did nothing to protect you. I’m suggesting you seek God’s truth and He will reveal the reasons why you and Mom don’t see eye to eye. Unforgiveness for other hurts can be a reason. Another indicator can be that you don’t want to be alone with a particular person, especially someone you trusted, find out why.

3. Confrontation isn’t a good idea until you are absolutely certain of abuse. If through therapy exact memories of places and events have been revealed by you, not a therapist telling you they took place even though you don’t recall them, then and only then is confrontation a possibility. That is up to you. Don’t expect an apology or even confirmation of the abuse and do it only with the Lord’s guidance.

It is very difficult to admit that someone we trusted and loved has betrayed that trust and love. As adults we waiver between admitting the truth to ourselves and others. When we have come to face the horrors of the past it’s still very difficult to seek counseling or tell others of the abuse. To have to face the truth about the past destroys the image we have put in place of a “happy home”  or  “I had wonderful parents.” It is having to face betrayal of the worst kind and that isn’t easy.

False Memory Syndrome is very dangerous to those of us who lived, survived, real – not imagined -sexual abuse. Ask Christ to reveal His truths and you will know within your heart, Is this false? Is this truth? Don’t allow others to convince you it did not happen when in reality it did. And, don’t allow a counselor, or anyone, to convince you it did happen when in reality it did not. Lives can be destroyed by a false memory.

My Dad finally admitted what he did yet my mother was still in denial right up to her death.

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If you have confidential comments or questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

http://www.elahministries.com  www.suespen2paper.com

http://www.facebook.com/elahministries elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Sexual abuse & false beliefs

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Beliefs can be verbally taught or non-verbally taught.  As children we believe what adults communicate to us. They are “big people and they know!” So is it any wonder that we, as adults, may still have some of those false beliefs that were communicated to us through an abusive childhood? I know of no-one who has been abused that were not told, in some fashion, that it was their fault. It doesn’t matter if you were an infant or a teen, the abuser always blames the victim! It is because of these false beliefs that we speak, respond, and behave in certain ways.

“You need to realize where your emotions and actions come from. Jesus said, Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. (Matt. 12:34, KJV). In other words, our communication (which reveals our thoughts, emotions, and the intent of our actions) comes from our hearts (our belief system). Because every situation in our lives is interpreted by what we believe, our belief system, not the situation, is the key to our response!” *

We need to be able to identify those false beliefs, reject them, and replace them with God’s truth.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you and ask Him to reveal to you where that belief originated.

Assignment:

Circle the false beliefs listed that you feel reflect your thinking. Write in what God says about that.  Add any more at the bottom that you feel are not on the list. **

1. Example – I was a bad child. – Truth: I am God’s child. He doesn’t make “bad kids.”

2. The abuse was my fault.

3. Since the abuse was my fault, I deserve the punishment.

4. I don’t measure up.

5. I am a failure.

6. I am not good enough.

7. I must not fail.

8. Trusting people is dangerous.

9. I must not get to close to people.

10. Feelings are bad.

11. I must not show my feelings.

12. People are no good.

13. I am no good.

14. Everything wrong in my life is their fault.

15. If I make myself sexually unappealing I can avoid other abuse.

16. Sexual contact is the only way to get my needs met.

17. My body is disgusting.

18. I hate my body.

19. I can’t be without him, no one will ever need me as much.

20. I must protect everyone – mother, father, family, etc.

21. Sex makes no sense.

22. – 25

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If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

Suggested reading:

Available at Amazon.comProduct Details

 

* The Complete Search for Significance – Robert S. McGee -Page 413

** Search for Significance workbook –  Robert S. McGee

 

NOTE: Praise the Lord! The assignment from the post, “Held in Bondage by being silent” has produced some rewarding breakthroughs. Two abusers have been confronted through the letters written (not sent) and the survivors was able to forgive. These assignments will help if they are completed. All praise, honor, and glory goes to the Lord.

 

http://www.elahministriesinc.com

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Blessings to you.