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Why God Allows Your Pain

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Place Your Pain With Him – A Testimony

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This is a testimony I gave before a church congregation several years ago. (Sue)

 

“…You saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a Father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Duet. 1:31

In this verse the reference is to the Israelites being led from Egypt to the Promised Land. As they followed the path that Christ led them along they suffered many trials and tribulations.

For us today, this verse can mean that Christ has carried us from areas that we dwelled in, or are now dwelling in; darkness, sadness, feelings of being alone. Many of us have been in such situations, where we feel so alone that we wonder if there really is a God.

I didn’t know the love of Christ because my parents didn’t believe in Him. If the adults in our lives do not believe, they will not pass on that Jesus Christ is our saving grace. How can a man or woman, who put their selfish need ahead of the welfare of their children, hand down Christian love? How can they show the unconditional love of Jesus Christ?

When human needs; alcohol, sex, gambling, or even a job that requires 80 hours a week, are prominent in a home, there is no room for the children’s needs, caring, or Christian love.  If children are being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused they are in an atmosphere of pain, suffering, and putting the adults needs ahead of any child’s needs.

The child is thrown in the arena of sin, in an environment filled with sinful deeds that the innocent child has no power to control. When we as adults replace unconditional love with drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse we all suffer, not just the children.

Those of you who have experienced a home where drugs and alcohol are predominant – where is the unconditional love displayed? In a fix? In a bottle? What about those of us who have been ignored emotionally? Is this what Christ calls Agape love? We have been set aside until our presence is forced upon others.

The responsibility of parents (adults) toward children is stated plainly in scripture:

“Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Prov. 22:6

“Assemble the people before Me to hear My words

so that they may learn to revere Me

as long as they live in the land

and may teach them to their children.”

Duet. 4:10

It is the adults responsibility to lead children toward Christ, not away. Those responsibilities are all of ours. The spiritual, as well as the physical and emotional is placed in our hands by the Father God. When we shirk those duties the children suffer. They are not taught Christ’s teachings, but the lessons of humans. They see Satan at work, not Christ.

How can children believe we have a loving God if all of their experiences evolve around evil? They can’t! And as adults that grew up in that environment, we carry those same belief systems with us – unless there is someone who will bring the light of Jesus Christ before us.

When I was growing up in an abusive, dysfunctional home I would not have known His light. A neighbor took the time and invited me to their church, and because being away from the house for a few hours meant I would be free from the abuse for that length of time I went.

The minister spoke about Jesus, who I had only heard of briefly. At 7 years old I heard the minister say that Jesus would save us. In my ears I heard, “save me,” (from the abuse) so I went to the altar to ask the preacher if Jesus would save me.

That altar call did not stop my abuse. But it did save me, although I did not know it at the time. I now know that Jesus Christ stood at that altar beside me, holding my small hand He cried just as hard as I did.

Forty something years later I invited the Lord into my heart, mind, and soul. He has brought me from the devastation of years of sexual abuse, the years of being beaten and humiliated,  through the pain of being gang raped at an early age, the years of being married to an alcoholic, womanizing, wife-beating husband who died at the wrong end of a gun, and the devastation I felt when I lost the only human being I ever trusted, the husband the Lord brought me, my late husband.

He has brought me through years and years of pain, guilt, fear, and shame to where I can stand tall, stand here before all these people and tell you unequivocally that the only healing, the only hope we have from the pains we had in the past and the places we are right now in life’s situations is Jesus Christ.

He suffered as we have suffered. He knows the sting of insults, the searing pain of wounds being inflicted by physical abuse, the feelings of being left alone and deserted. He not only walked in our shoes – He died there.  You don’t have to die as Jesus did. You don’t have to dwell in the darkness of feeling alone, forgotten, or cast aside. The Lord Jesus is right here. He’s sitting right beside you!

Reach out and take His hand. Let Him lead you through the wilderness you may be feeling. He can, He will heal the wounds from the past and those that you have right now.  Let Him fill your heart with a peace like you have never known before. You can only feel that peace if  you invite Him in.

Allow the Lord to carry you once again, He knows your needs, trust in Him and walk free.

“You dear children, are from God and have overcome them,

because the One who is in you is greater

than the one who is in the world.

They are from the world and therefore speak from the world,

and the world listens to them.

We are from God, and whoever is not from God does not listen to us.

This is how we recognize the Spirit of Truth and the spirit of falsehood.”

John 4:4-6

A short time ago Satan knocked me flat. Being the slime bag that he is, he blind-sided me and I was in such an emotional state that I could not even pray. The Lord Jesus knew my needs and allowed the Holy Spirit within me to write this poem. I’d like to share it with you.

A little girl

Just seven years old

Walked in church

eyes aglow.

She was a child

who felt beaten and lost

But she found the courage

to approach the cross.

All she could whisper

as she accepted His grace

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

Grown, old and gray

She’s once again

Been knocked to her knees

With Satan’s glee.

But now, as then

As she approaches the cross

All she can muster

from deep inside her heart

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

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Blessings to you.

 

We aren’t condemned any more!

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 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,” Rom. 8:1

“You aren’t worth the air you breath!” That was told to me as a young child.

Those of us that have experienced an abusive home life know all too well what being condemned means. We were yelled at for the slightest offense, and many times there was no offense on our part. We were just there! We were used as battering rams for those who could not express their anger at someone else. Maybe it was, or is, a parent, a boss, a poor driver,  a spouse, boyfriend, etc. The anger gets directed at us. We’re blamed for the anger that arises. “It’s all your fault!” And the cuss word’s fly!

In some instances we were used for the cruel jokes of another, made fun of, called stupid, told we were never going to amount to a hill of beans. We were poked fun at in many ways, some were physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, and emotionally tormented as though we were no more than a pile of numb and dumb rocks.

Life isn’t easy and at times some of us have felt that life isn’t worth living. “They’d be better off without me.” Oh yes, we know what being condemned means and praise be to God that through Christ I am free forever from condemnation! (Ro.8:1,2)

God did not create us to be condemned by others. John 1:12 says that I am God’s child. That makes me think of when we see our first born immediately after he/she enters the world, the love that wells up inside. A love we cannot even express. How much more God must be filled when He looks down on His new child. The child He has adopted as His own. (Eph.1:5) I’ll bet’cha a months wages He was grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Because I have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior He has forgiven me of my sins; past, present, and future. Praise God for that or I’d really be in big trouble! When we confess our sins and ask Him for forgiveness He forgives, and not only that, He never remembers them again! (Heb. 10:17) Then why the heck am I beating myself up over some sin that He doesn’t even remember any more!?

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. (2Cor.1:21) Oh wow. He’s anointed me to do anything He calls me to do. Does that mean my little short fat legs can run a marathon or I can write a book or speak in front of thousands, or paint a portrait? Woooow. And I’m immediately a citizen of heaven. (Phil.3:20) Oh praise God, I hate really hot temperatures!

I’m now free from any condemning charges against me, by Him when I was an un-believer, and by those who have condemned me. (Ro. 8:33,34) See, they’re liars! The enemy tries to make me believe their lies. God says, “Oh My precious child, Sue, I created you and you are worthy of the air that I give you to breathe and so much more!” All of God’s children are precious in His sight and His heart and His mind. We children of God are worthy! We’re worthy because He has deemed it so through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.

When the memories of abuse flood back I can find His grace and mercy. (Heb.4:16) I start crying to God and He’ll be right here to comfort me or to explain something I need to know to help me better understand. I don’t have to be afraid any more because Christ has given me power , love, and a sound mind, not a spirit of fear. (2Tim 1:7) I confess, at times I’m not so sure about the “sound mind.” But I definitely have the power to overcome all that was done to me because He is with me and loves me with an everlasting love that I can’t even fatham.

Hey Satan, guess what? You can’t touch me any more! I am born of God (1Jn.5:18) I can be influenced, I can have demonic oppression but I belong to God and there’s not a flippin’ thing the enemy can do about it except try to turn me away from God. That ain’t going to happen! So Get behind me, Satan! And God has told me that all things will work together for good (Ro. 8:28) and I’m confident that what God started in me will be perfected. (Phil.1:6)  So back off, devil, I’m God’s and I believe Him!

If all of this is true, and it is, then why do we continue to hang onto the lies and judgments and condemnation that others have placed on us through childhood and even adulthood?  By continuing to believe the lies of the past we are calling God a liar. Sorry, but that’s true. His word tells us just the opposite of the crap, (excuse my language) that others told us so why do we hold on to the crap and refuse to believe what God tells us? He loves us! He loves us unconditionally. He isn’t the one who lied, called us names, told us we were as stupid as a door knob or as dumb as a rock. He isn’t the one who used us as His tool in unspeakable ways. So why are we willing to continue to believe the evil one who worked through others to destroy us? God said,

“… that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.…”

Eph. 4:23,24

~~~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

Holding onto the Shield of Faith

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In Ephesians 6 God tells us to put on the Full Armor of God. He has given us the tools to fight the enemy of God.  One of those tools is the Shield of Faith.

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Eph. 6:16

The Lord, through His prophets, have been warning us that we are facing terrible times ahead. We shake our head in wonder now at the things that are taking place in our society and the world and wonder what is going to happen. Do we focus on the senseless slaughtering from ISIS, the attempt to destroy the sanctity of marriage through the homosexual agenda, the slaughtering of millions of unborn children, attacks against Israel, or Ebola? Although these are important do they strike a note of fear in us? Do they consume our thoughts?

Our focus is to be on God! He is calling us to repentance. He is wanting to hear our heartfelt prayers and our praise and worship. We are not to focus on the world or the events that are happening in the world. We are to look beyond and above the world to eternity. Our eyes are to be on Him not the events of the world that can leave us shaking in fear.

We are to cling to God through His Son Jesus Christ through our faith in Him. We pray without ceasing and in addition to the other pieces of armor we take hold of that piece, the shield of faith, and hold fast!

Gary D. Kinnaman, in his book, “Winning your Spiritual Battles” discusses the various pieces of God’s full armor and gives an account of what each Biblically means and how we can be protected. Mr. Kinnaman states that in the New Testament there are four different shades of meaning of faith.

1. Saving Faith – We trust that Christ saves us from sin and the consequences thereof. Ro. 10:9, Ro. 4:3

2. Faith to Receive – Faith in our daily trust in God for His provision and help.Heb. 11:6

3. Power faith, gift faith, miracle working faith. – Faith in a general sense – faith to be saved and faith to walk with God. 1Cor.12:9, Gal. 5:22-23, 1Cor. 12:7-11,  1Cor.12-14, Heb. 11:6

4. Enduring faith – Faith that does not quit. It is the persistent, resilient belief that God’s Word is true, over and against every problem, wrong thought, or demon. Endurance is active faith, deflecting persistently the fiery attacks of Satan.

So how do we endure? One day at a time! In 1Peter 1:3-9, “Through faith {you} are shielded by God’s power.” (verse 5) “The shield of faith is God’s power and presence protecting and energizing us in spiritual warfare.”

“Faith in the sense of perseverance shields all the other armor. Truth must persevere to prevail. Righteousness must persevere to prevail. We must persevere in peace-making in order to prevail.”

In these troubling times God is calling us to persevere. We must have enduring faith if we are going to “run the race” and receive the prize. Grab your shield of faith and hang on tight, it’s only going to get worse.

“Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Rev. 2:10

A prayer for Holding up the Shield of Faith:

“Heavenly Father and mighty God, shield me with Your power as I trust in You. The flaming arrows of the enemy have burned my soul. Heal the pain inside, and give me the strength to resist.

I am committed to enduring to the end of this trial, regardless of how long it lasts. I am not a victim. I am a victor, more than a conqueror through Christ.

My faith, Lord, is in You. I renounce my own abilities, and I confess that unless Jesus builds up my life, everything I do is in vain. Only when I trust You completely am I completely protected from the fiery darts of the wicked one. I hide myself in the fire of Your presence. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

41K3383MY0L._AA160_[1]Winning Your Spiritual Battles – How to put on the full armor of God. Gary D. Kinnaman

Available at http://www.amazon.com

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Blessings to you.

Are your hands full?

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“Therefore if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

One of the first articles I wrote for the new Cyber Support Group blog (Rocks in my Garden) was with an assignment of placing rocks in a basket as each issue was healed. Survivors carry much guilt, shame, unforgiveness, low self-esteem, anger, etc. The healing of these many issues takes time and much work. They did not happen over night and will not be healed over night. As each issue is looked at we go through the pain of having to relive some of the events of the past but as we do so the Lord is with us and helping us to delve into the deep dark secrets and the effects it has in our present life.

Shame is something that is placed on us through acts that defy what we are created to be. God did not create us to walk with shame or guilt or rage because of what was done to us. He wishes each of us to be free to laugh, love, and rejoice in Him with the freedom much like a child happily playing.

If we have these issues bearing down on us we cannot be free to be as He created us to be. We must take each issue and deal with it. We cannot do it alone! We need Christ’s wisdom, guidance, and insight. We need the support of others and possibly a good counselor that is willing to walk with us through the pain.

Anger is a volatile emotion that can debilitate us and affects every relationship we have. It’s as though we have a volcano deep inside just waiting to erupt. Healing the issues we have to deal with helps in easing the effects of the volcano. It brings about forgiveness and as forgiveness is granted, for us and our abuser/s, we are set free from the devastating effects. I have seen survivors who felt as though a million pounds had been lifted from their shoulders by the act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is difficult when we have been so violated by another human being that we trusted. Betrayal of the deepest level is difficult to forgive but it is absolutely necessary for us to be able to move forward and become free. It is the most important step in gaining freedom. It is the goal that we can set before us – to be able to forgive the one/ones that so harmed us. I’m not talking about lip service forgiveness but the kind of forgiveness that truly comes from the heart. We can start by telling the Lord that because He forgives us we choose to forgive (abuser name) and eventually we will be able to forgive from the heart.

Forgiveness is a choice! It does not mean what was done was right. It does not mean you have to have a relationship, or even contact, with this person. It does not mean that you will forget what was done. It means you release the consequences and judgment to God. Unforgiveness is wanting revenge. Forgiveness means that you have broken the ties that your abuser has you bound up with. It means you have taken a most important step in being able to move forward and live the life that God wants you to have. It means freedom.

Here are some scriptures to help you with various issues you may be facing:

Eph. 4:20

Eph. 4:31, 32

Phil. 4:6,

Gen 28:15

Mark 11:25

Is. 26:37

Ps. 91:4-7

 If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

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Blessings to you.

The roller coaster of healing – A Letter to Jesus

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Dear Jesus:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I haven’t wanted to talk to you most of the time during these past few weeks. I don’t feel close, yet I know you’re with me. I don’t want to open your Word or even go to church. “Why?” keeps popping into my mind. Yet I don’t really care why.

I know I’m getting tired of feeling like this. I can’t work, I can’t do the hobbies I enjoy. I can’t serve you as I have in the past or as I should. It’s you that does these things through me, I know that, But I don’t even want to pray, Lord! If I don’t care why, then why am I writing this? If this experience is to show me I can’t do anything without you, I already know that. I want to scream, “So what’s going on?” but I don’t want the answer, either.

I’m messed up, Lord. I’m at a place I don’t remember even being before I became a Christian. Any yes, it’s very obvious that I’m operating out of the flesh. Part of me is screaming, “So what! I am human!” I feel like I’m mad at you and I don’t know why. This feels like the time you used my healing to show others the pain we feel from abuse. Remember that? I was really hurting and you allowed me to go through that in front of others. Boy, was I a real mess then! And I didn’t like that any more than I like this.

I don’t see what the lesson is here. Are you using this experience as a lesson to someone else? Me? I want to shout, “Where’s the lesson!?” But I’m not sure I want to hear the answer. Choices? Consequences? You’ve led me to those type verses the few times I’ve opened your Word this past few weeks. I did read them before I slammed the Bible closed.  Is that what all of this is about? Are you showing me I do have choices? That the “lost” feeling that seems to permeate me now, comes from those choices?

Lord, there’s anger, frustration, agitation. All sorts of negative feelings swirling around inside me. Why? Where does it come from? I care – I don’t. I want – I don’t want. I even feel, “So what?” It’s all inside of me.

I guess it’s up to me now, right? I can ask for your understanding. Ask you, “Why?” Part of me doesn’t want to know, doesn’t care. That doesn’t make sense, either.  I know this relationship is team work. You and me have to work together to accomplish whatever we endeavor. This part of the team doesn’t seem to care any more, yet I do.

Instead of me waiting on the Lord, I think, you Christ, are waiting on me. Waiting until I want your help, want you as an intricate part of my life again. Which, by the way, I never understood anyway. I never deserved you in the first place. So where’d you go? How come you left?

Lord, I know you haven’t left. I have. And I don’t know how to get back, or, if I want to. I gave you my life. You’re my Shepherd. Come find this lost lamb, ’cause I’m scared.

The answer was given in John 1:48-51.

~~~~~

Name withheld by request – Angels by Grace April 1998

 

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Blessings to you.