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Tag Archives: Emotional ties

Held in bondage by being silent

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So many times we do not have the opportunity to tell someone that we love them, we forgive them for all the hurt they have caused us or what we’re going through.  We have thoughts that we’ve never put into words. Regardless of whether they hear us or not we still have an opportunity to say the things we want to say.

When my husband was sick and dying I had every opportunity to tell him those things that I felt in my heart, and I did. In my post, “Confronting your abuser” I tell how I was given the opportunity to confront my Dad about the years of abuse he inflicted upon me. But what if we can’t tell the person, our abuser, what we would really like to say? The hurt and anger, the consequences from their actions, the sorrow that they have caused. What if they don’t care what we think? What if they’re thousands of miles away on a desert island with no means of contact or dead? What if we’re just afraid to say the things that we always wanted to say?

My first husband was a wife beater, an alcoholic, and a womanizer. When he was killed (I didn’t do it) I went back to the grave yard alone and sat looking at his tombstone. I cried, I screamed, I laughed, and I told him all the ways he had hurt me. I don’t remember how long I sat there pouring out everything I ever wanted to say to him. I loved you and you hurt me. I went with a heavy heart and even though he couldn’t hear me I left feeling free of all those feelings that had been bent up inside. I walked away feeling like I was walking on a cloud. The burdens of my heart was left behind as I drove away.

All of us have unspoken words to our abuser/s. Maybe we have lashed out at one time or another and they received it with a deaf ear. Maybe we’ve just had it all bottled up inside because “it wouldn’t do any good to say it.” Those unspoken words keep us in emotional bondage to the one who hurt us. We are still locked together with that person just as if we have handcuffs locked about our wrist.

Jesus does not want us bound to evil. He came that we may have life more abundant and that means free from not only the many issues that we grapple with from the abuse but the emotional ties of not being able to voice the hurt, anger, and pain we feel. Christ has the key to those handcuffs. Will you take it?



Assignment: One of the most important assignments I’ll give.

Sit down with pen and paper and write a letter to your abuser. It will not be sent! You are the only one who will read it, if that is your choice. Pour your heart out! Hold nothing back! This isn’t a sweet, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but…” kind of letter. This is pouring out the hurt, the betrayal, the rage you feel, whatever it is you want to say.

The last three words of your letter should be, “I forgive you.” I know that’s a tall order, but Christ forgives us and we don’t deserve it either. If you can’t end your letter with those words, it’s okay. For now.

Freedom is yours if you’ll take the time to do this exercise.  If you have more than one abuser I suggest picking the one whom you feel hurt you the most, (if that’s possible) then when you’ve felt that freedom go back at another time and write to another, then another and do it until you have been set free from each. This is a safe means of letting out the anger, hurt, etc.

Let us know how you feel after writing the letter. It can be encouragement to the others in the group.


If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at:


“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” John 8:36

Blessings to you.