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Testimony – Its Still Happening Today!

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I am a thirty one year old in recovery from satanic ritual abuse as well as sexual abuse. I was born into an occult that involved my mother, father, and grandfather on my mother’s side. My grandfather was the head of the whole thing.

From the time I was born I was sexually abused and used as a “pure” sacrifice for all kinds of satanic rituals. You see in an occult world sex is praise and worship to Satan, much like our singing praise and worship to God. In the occult world when you have a child who has not been touched, much can be gained by those in charge who have the power to give “legal rights” over to the enemy, at the expense of the child of course. That’s what happened to me.

To my mother and father I was considered an experiment. My mother didn’t want to have children, but she had me for the purposes of the occult.  My grandfather died when I was four years old and that seemed to unleash all the resentment and bitterness within my mother and she turned those emotions on me, full force.

In my mothers mind she was going to put the experimental child, me, in its place. So she took me before the occult council and had them degrade me. She considered that putting me in my place on the spiritual level. “Spiritual” being of Satan.  After the meeting with the council she took me to a room and ….

…………………..I’m leaving blank due to being graphic…………………..

When I awoke and it was discovered that I was still breathing my mother assigned me a new role to take on in life. “You are not my daughter. You are my slave!” she told me firmly. “You are to do as you are told, you are not to speak, you have no opinion, and most of all you have no choices!” she continued to shout.

I have since looked up the definition of “Slave” and another word comes up, “Servitude.” Which means having no liberty to do as one pleases. It’s a lack of freedom to determine one’s course of action or way of life. To sum it up, that was me!

The funny thing is that I never took to her teachings. When my mother went from church to church, making trouble and causing chaos, I was hanging onto every word my Sunday School teacher was saying about Jesus. I accepted Jesus into my heart and He has been living there for a very long time.

I have now been in what I call hard core counseling. The Lord has been revealing to me the “legal rights” to my soul that was given to Satan by my grandfather and parents. What is awesome is that Christ has been taking back those rights from Satan. Satan no longer retains any rights over my life.

Christ has also taken me back to that room where……….(graphic)

You see, when I left that room as a slave child I left my true self behind. Christ has since placed me back in there, telling me I was to come out of that slave mentality. But in order to get out of that horrible room I had to get past the people that put me there.

I was scared to death to even face those people much less walk near them. But I decided to trust in the Lord and with His help I confronted and faced the evil. This time I put them in their place! And with that I walked out of that room holding Jesus hand.

Because of Jesus walking through those memories with me I received much release. Inner freedom just washed through me. I am no longer living with the slave mentality or playing that role. Best of all I no longer feel like a slave inside. I am so very free and I now have a sense of security within myself that no one else can give but God.

I have forgiven my mother and father but it is not necessary for me to have any kind of relationship with them. Why? Because they continue to practice devil worship to this day. I have wonderful friends, a church family, and besides, I have the most wonderful Father. My heavenly Father. And maybe some day He will even bless me with a family of my own.

It is a miracle to me that I have survived my upbringing and that I never took any interest in my parents activities or Satan worship. I worship God through His Son Jesus Christ.

Let me say that the road to recovery has been anything but smooth. With Jesus holding my hand, my willingness to face, head on, the bumps and obstacles of healing, has enabled me to overcome much. Jesus truly healed so many wounded emotions as well as my broken heart. If it weren’t for Him I would not be a survivor. It is because of His mercy, His grace, His strength, and most of all, His Name has protected me and He’s guided me through it all. God bless.

Debbie M. – Elah Publication -June 2003

Note: Debbie has since graduated college, has a Master’s degree in education and is married and has 2 children.

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http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.suespen2paper.com  http://www.facebook.com/elahministries   elah501c@bellsouth.n

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The roller coaster of healing – A Letter to Jesus

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Dear Jesus:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I haven’t wanted to talk to you most of the time during these past few weeks. I don’t feel close, yet I know you’re with me. I don’t want to open your Word or even go to church. “Why?” keeps popping into my mind. Yet I don’t really care why.

I know I’m getting tired of feeling like this. I can’t work, I can’t do the hobbies I enjoy. I can’t serve you as I have in the past or as I should. It’s you that does these things through me, I know that, But I don’t even want to pray, Lord! If I don’t care why, then why am I writing this? If this experience is to show me I can’t do anything without you, I already know that. I want to scream, “So what’s going on?” but I don’t want the answer, either.

I’m messed up, Lord. I’m at a place I don’t remember even being before I became a Christian. Any yes, it’s very obvious that I’m operating out of the flesh. Part of me is screaming, “So what! I am human!” I feel like I’m mad at you and I don’t know why. This feels like the time you used my healing to show others the pain we feel from abuse. Remember that? I was really hurting and you allowed me to go through that in front of others. Boy, was I a real mess then! And I didn’t like that any more than I like this.

I don’t see what the lesson is here. Are you using this experience as a lesson to someone else? Me? I want to shout, “Where’s the lesson!?” But I’m not sure I want to hear the answer. Choices? Consequences? You’ve led me to those type verses the few times I’ve opened your Word this past few weeks. I did read them before I slammed the Bible closed.  Is that what all of this is about? Are you showing me I do have choices? That the “lost” feeling that seems to permeate me now, comes from those choices?

Lord, there’s anger, frustration, agitation. All sorts of negative feelings swirling around inside me. Why? Where does it come from? I care – I don’t. I want – I don’t want. I even feel, “So what?” It’s all inside of me.

I guess it’s up to me now, right? I can ask for your understanding. Ask you, “Why?” Part of me doesn’t want to know, doesn’t care. That doesn’t make sense, either.  I know this relationship is team work. You and me have to work together to accomplish whatever we endeavor. This part of the team doesn’t seem to care any more, yet I do.

Instead of me waiting on the Lord, I think, you Christ, are waiting on me. Waiting until I want your help, want you as an intricate part of my life again. Which, by the way, I never understood anyway. I never deserved you in the first place. So where’d you go? How come you left?

Lord, I know you haven’t left. I have. And I don’t know how to get back, or, if I want to. I gave you my life. You’re my Shepherd. Come find this lost lamb, ’cause I’m scared.

The answer was given in John 1:48-51.

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Name withheld by request – Angels by Grace April 1998

 

If you have any confidential comments/questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

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Blessings to you.