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Honoring Mommy & Daddy

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The Ten Commandment are given to us to protect and enhance our daily lives. A young child is taught to respect the commandments and all of the scriptures. Hopefully through, and with, the love of their parents or some other loving individual.

Many times the commandment, “Honor your mother and father” is taught by an abusive person as a means of control and manipulation. His/her distorted version of this commandment can and does cause many problems later in life for the survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

It can also distort His word for those who have been physically or emotionally abused. Particularly if that abuse was from those closest to the child, the parent.

“These are the commandments the Lord

proclaimed in a loud voice…

Honor your father and your mother

as the Lord your God has commanded you,

so that you may live long and that it

may go well with you in the land

your God is giving you.”

Duet. 5:16 

“Children, obey your parents

in the Lord, for this is right.

“Honor your father and your mother,…

that it may go well with you and

that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Eph. 6:1-3

“Honor your father and mother” must be looked at more closely for those of us who have difficulty with that commandment.  Look at the Ephesians 6 verse closely. There is one key phrase that needs clarifying. “In the Lord.” What does that mean? Simply put, “In the Lord” means in accordance with God’s commands! If this phrase was not there, specifically telling us that we are to obey and honor as Christ would have us do, there would be no holds barred, no boundaries.

God placed the innocent child in the charge of adults and told them specifically how they should raise this child. Your parents, be it biological, adoptive, grandparents, foster parents, or step-parents are directly responsible to God for your well-being; physical, emotional, spiritual. All of these people are intended to be agents of God’s love and protection.

As adults we have the responsibility to keep children from harms way. We have very specific, clear-cut guidelines that the Lord put in place to show us how to do that. One of those is:

“No-one is to approach any close relative

to have sexual relations. I am the Lord.”

Leviticus 18:6

The verses continue on to specify mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandparents, sisters, brothers, in-laws, step children, and so on. (See Lev. 18) You can’t get any clearer than that!

If you were abused by a relative, that sin is not only a sin against you but against God.  If your abuser was not a relative he/she has still sinned against God and will also pay accordingly.

“Whoever welcomes a little child like

this in My name welcomes Me,

But if anyone causes one of these

little one’s who believe in Me to sin,

it will be better for him to have a

millstone hung around his neck

and to be drowned in the

depths of the sea.”

Matthew 18:5 

You will notice He does not specify “Dad welcomes…” or “Mother welcomes…,” or for that matter “Uncle welcomes…” He says, “Anyone causes…”

As adults Father God gives us the absolute responsibility to not harm; physically, sexually, emotionally, or spiritually the children in our society.

“…your Father in heaven is not

willing that ANY of these

little ones should be lost.

Matthew 18:14

As adults within our society our status is looked upon as authority to the child. It makes no difference if the child is ours or someone else’s. Tell a child that you have never met before to sit in the swing properly, for example. That child will more than likely not question your authority. He/she will promptly take the proper sitting position. (At least that’s how it was when I was growing up.)

Our responsibility as being older than the child is to look out for the well-being of those younger. Parents, neighbors, or strangers have this responsibility. Would you stand by as a child played on a railroad track, seeing the train approaching from the distance? Of course not! That is part of the responsibility that we carry. That the Lord Jesus gave to us.

“These commandments that I give you

(everyone) are to be put upon your hearts.

Impress them on your children…

tie them as symbols upon your hands

and bind them on your foreheads.”

Duet. 6: 6-9

 In other words, the Lord is telling us that we are to eat, drink, walk, talk, speak, teach, and be as Christ-like as humanly possible. We are to be a Christ-like example to others. Especially children.

“Train a child in the way

he should go, and when

he is old he will not

turn from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“Train a child…” We are all a part of the training of children. Even if we do not have children we are to be a Christ-like example to them.

What about honoring?” Honor your father and mother.” The Greek word for honor is TIUAW, which means, “acknowledge the status of.” Another form of the Greek word for honor is TIUN,NS, which means  “respect, recognition.”

We show respect and recognize the status of our elders, be it parents or others. By the child, in the example used earlier, sitting properly in the swing, respect for that elder is being shown. By acknowledging that authority there was no argument. The child promptly sat properly.

By the very act of recognizing the older person’s position we are honoring that person. The Lord said, “honor your father and mother.” We do! by recognizing their position as our parents, by obeying their commands; right or wrong. If they demanded we do something, as a child, we obeyed because of their position and authority.

Throughout scripture we will find directives, to parents in particular.

“Fathers do not embitter your children,

or they will become discouraged.”

Col. 3:21

“For I have chosen him, so that he

will direct his children and his household

after him to keep the way of the Lord

by doing what is right and just…”

Gen. 18:19

“Fathers, do not exasperate

(do not nag or arbitrarily assert authority)

your children; instead, bring them up

in training and instruction

of the Lord…”

Col. 3:19-20

“Husbands, love your wives

and do not be harsh to them.

Children, obey your parents

in everything,

for this pleases the Lord…”

Col. 3:19-20

This last verse can show us, in my opinion, that by doing what we were told, (as though we had a choice!) we pleased the Lord as His command says. It was our abuser(s) who chose to break the commandments of our Lord.

“…choose for yourselves this day

whom you will serve…”

Joshua 24:15

Obviously, our abuser(s) chose not to serve the Father in heaven. When we were told, “It’s our secret” or some derivative of that, our abuser was admitting his/her guilt. He/she was keeping us silent so that he/she would not be found guilty of the sin that he/she chose to commit against you and against Christ.

“…assemble the people before Me

to hear My words so that they

may learn to revere Me as long as

they live in the land and may teach

them to their children.”

Duet.4:10 

The lessons that we were being taught through the abusive actions of others were not in keeping with what Christ said for people to do. If His truths and His commandments were being taught in a Christ-like manner, which means that we have the life of Christ within us and the power of the Holy Spirit, we would never have experienced the pain that was inflicted upon our innocent souls.

We would not now have a distortion within our inner being, a bad taste in our mouth, and there would be no hesitation to even speak the words, “Honor your father and mother.”

We must also keep in mind that another of His commandments tells us to love one another. We must learn to love one another as Christ loves us. Forgiveness is tough! But, through the Holy Spirit within us, we can forgive those who taught us the wrong connotation of “Honor your father and mother.”

“May my vindication come from you;

May your eyes see what is right.”

Psalm 17:2 

~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

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Place Your Pain With Him – A Testimony

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This is a testimony I gave before a church congregation several years ago. (Sue)

 

“…You saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a Father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Duet. 1:31

In this verse the reference is to the Israelites being led from Egypt to the Promised Land. As they followed the path that Christ led them along they suffered many trials and tribulations.

For us today, this verse can mean that Christ has carried us from areas that we dwelled in, or are now dwelling in; darkness, sadness, feelings of being alone. Many of us have been in such situations, where we feel so alone that we wonder if there really is a God.

I didn’t know the love of Christ because my parents didn’t believe in Him. If the adults in our lives do not believe, they will not pass on that Jesus Christ is our saving grace. How can a man or woman, who put their selfish need ahead of the welfare of their children, hand down Christian love? How can they show the unconditional love of Jesus Christ?

When human needs; alcohol, sex, gambling, or even a job that requires 80 hours a week, are prominent in a home, there is no room for the children’s needs, caring, or Christian love.  If children are being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused they are in an atmosphere of pain, suffering, and putting the adults needs ahead of any child’s needs.

The child is thrown in the arena of sin, in an environment filled with sinful deeds that the innocent child has no power to control. When we as adults replace unconditional love with drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse we all suffer, not just the children.

Those of you who have experienced a home where drugs and alcohol are predominant – where is the unconditional love displayed? In a fix? In a bottle? What about those of us who have been ignored emotionally? Is this what Christ calls Agape love? We have been set aside until our presence is forced upon others.

The responsibility of parents (adults) toward children is stated plainly in scripture:

“Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Prov. 22:6

“Assemble the people before Me to hear My words

so that they may learn to revere Me

as long as they live in the land

and may teach them to their children.”

Duet. 4:10

It is the adults responsibility to lead children toward Christ, not away. Those responsibilities are all of ours. The spiritual, as well as the physical and emotional is placed in our hands by the Father God. When we shirk those duties the children suffer. They are not taught Christ’s teachings, but the lessons of humans. They see Satan at work, not Christ.

How can children believe we have a loving God if all of their experiences evolve around evil? They can’t! And as adults that grew up in that environment, we carry those same belief systems with us – unless there is someone who will bring the light of Jesus Christ before us.

When I was growing up in an abusive, dysfunctional home I would not have known His light. A neighbor took the time and invited me to their church, and because being away from the house for a few hours meant I would be free from the abuse for that length of time I went.

The minister spoke about Jesus, who I had only heard of briefly. At 7 years old I heard the minister say that Jesus would save us. In my ears I heard, “save me,” (from the abuse) so I went to the altar to ask the preacher if Jesus would save me.

That altar call did not stop my abuse. But it did save me, although I did not know it at the time. I now know that Jesus Christ stood at that altar beside me, holding my small hand He cried just as hard as I did.

Forty something years later I invited the Lord into my heart, mind, and soul. He has brought me from the devastation of years of sexual abuse, the years of being beaten and humiliated,  through the pain of being gang raped at an early age, the years of being married to an alcoholic, womanizing, wife-beating husband who died at the wrong end of a gun, and the devastation I felt when I lost the only human being I ever trusted, the husband the Lord brought me, my late husband.

He has brought me through years and years of pain, guilt, fear, and shame to where I can stand tall, stand here before all these people and tell you unequivocally that the only healing, the only hope we have from the pains we had in the past and the places we are right now in life’s situations is Jesus Christ.

He suffered as we have suffered. He knows the sting of insults, the searing pain of wounds being inflicted by physical abuse, the feelings of being left alone and deserted. He not only walked in our shoes – He died there.  You don’t have to die as Jesus did. You don’t have to dwell in the darkness of feeling alone, forgotten, or cast aside. The Lord Jesus is right here. He’s sitting right beside you!

Reach out and take His hand. Let Him lead you through the wilderness you may be feeling. He can, He will heal the wounds from the past and those that you have right now.  Let Him fill your heart with a peace like you have never known before. You can only feel that peace if  you invite Him in.

Allow the Lord to carry you once again, He knows your needs, trust in Him and walk free.

“You dear children, are from God and have overcome them,

because the One who is in you is greater

than the one who is in the world.

They are from the world and therefore speak from the world,

and the world listens to them.

We are from God, and whoever is not from God does not listen to us.

This is how we recognize the Spirit of Truth and the spirit of falsehood.”

John 4:4-6

A short time ago Satan knocked me flat. Being the slime bag that he is, he blind-sided me and I was in such an emotional state that I could not even pray. The Lord Jesus knew my needs and allowed the Holy Spirit within me to write this poem. I’d like to share it with you.

A little girl

Just seven years old

Walked in church

eyes aglow.

She was a child

who felt beaten and lost

But she found the courage

to approach the cross.

All she could whisper

as she accepted His grace

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

Grown, old and gray

She’s once again

Been knocked to her knees

With Satan’s glee.

But now, as then

As she approaches the cross

All she can muster

from deep inside her heart

Save me, Jesus

Save me.

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Blessings to you.

 

Wishing I was the Wind – Testimony

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Wishing I was the wind

Remember back in 1956 the song “The Wayward Wind?” I loved that song! Okay, so some of you weren’t even born at that time and I’m aging myself. But that’s okay.

I remember sitting on the school bus, alone on the leather seat, looking out the window, and feeling totally alone. The words of the song would play through my mind and oh how I wished I could be that wind. How I wished I could just blow across the land and not have to encounter the abuse at home. As the wind, I could go wherever I wanted. I could be strong, so strong I could blow over houses or gently tilt a flower low to the ground. As the wind I would have the power to move mountains or ripple a stream.

I wasn’t living next to railroad tracts, as depicted in the song. I wasn’t grieving the loss of a lost lover. I was grieving a lost childhood. I was grieving the lack of love from a dysfunctional family. “Raise a child in the ways it is to go” wasn’t even thought about. I was being taught all the wrong things about who I was and who I would be. I was taught guilt, shame, anger, frustration, and filled with emptiness. I was taught what I was worth – nothing!

Sadly many people’s perception of their self worth derives from many different circumstances, people, society, families, jobs, how many friends we have/don’t have, etc. For me, actions speak louder than words. Don’t tell me you love me while choking me or punching me. Someone’s actions can relay a message of worth. We all know “that look” from Mom, Dad, husband, or wife.

If we claim our worth by how much money we have/ don’t have, our position at work/ executive or janitor, our weight/ to fat or to skinny, race, beautiful or ugly, harsh words or negative actions, or status in life we are being deceived. Magazines and T.V. commercials all have a message that we’re not good enough.

I remember when I confronted my Dad about the years of abuse, I’ll never forget his words. “You were my tool.” I don’t think anything he could have ever said that could have hurt more. You see he was a diesel mechanic. He had hundreds of tools. All shapes, all sizes. All had a specific purpose. They were placed in a big bright red tool box, inanimate objects that he used and put aside until needed the next time. Their only value was deemed in what they could be used for. images[2]

“You were my tool.” Little did I know that perceived self worth was established way back in the early years of my childhood. In my case it was, “Your good for only one thing.”

It was when I became a child of God that I learned God saw me worth more than a ten dollar screw driver or a fifteen dollar pair of pliers. He saw me as more than a vessel for sex or a punching bag. I was so valuable, “more than silver or gold,” that He adopted me as His daughter! His Son died on the cross that I might have life more abundant, forgiveness of my sins, and that I could spend eternity with Him.

My Dad saw me as a tool, to be used and thrown to the side until needed at another time. God saw me as a precious child who needed a Father. imagesCA7OM3L4

I was received and valued by Christ “…with the precious blood of Christ as a lamb without blemish and without spot.” 1Peter 1:19

Our worth does not come from others, positions, status, or world worth. Our worth is based upon what God created. If He didn’t think we were worth creating He would not have created us! He would not have come to earth as a man, Jesus, to save us from an eternity in hell. He would not seek us out as a lost sheep and carry us back into the fold to love and protect us.

If you had been the only human being on the face of the earth He still would have gone to the cross for you. That’s how valuable you are to Him!

Don’t sell yourself short of how valuable you are. Your alcoholic mother, drug buddies, abusive father, parent that abandoned you did not determine your worth! God and God alone is the only one who determines our value. God see’s you valuable enough to die for you and adopt you as His child. “For you are all sons (daughters) of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” Gal. 3:26

~~~~~

“And because you are sons, (daughters) God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.” Gal. 4:6-7

* note: I added (daughters) so no-one feels left out.

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Blessings to you.

 

Tell me they aren’t demon possessed!

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Gay Activist Leaders Promote Sexual Abuse of Children

GREG HOLT APRIL 6, 2016 FEATURED ARTICLES, U.S. NEWS, WATCHMEN ON THE WALL LEAVE A COMMENT

WRITTEN BY ONAN COCA

Here’s the disturbing truth that the Left either chooses not to admit or just can’t believe themselves. The liberal “gay equality” movement has always been about so much more than ensuring that American homosexuals are treated the same as American heterosexuals. If it were just about that, then their lobbying would have stopped some time ago – because homosexuals have reached a stage in American history where they have become a protected class, with more “rights” and privileges than your average American. The culture has swung so far in their favor that it is laughable to suggest that American homosexuals still suffer any maltreatment from the state. In fact, if they are disturbed by your average private citizen, they are likely to find the state as a willing ally in persecuting the politically incorrect citizen!

They “gay rights” movement has always been about far more than “equality.” It’s about power and destruction. Power for the liberal, big-government ideologues and the destruction of traditional, mainly conservative, Christian culture.

The wonderful folks at the Sydney Traditionalist Forum (or SydneyTrads) recently collected a selection of quotes from gay leaders proving this point. In particular, the quotes show that for many gay leaders, the fight for “gay rights” means the forced acceptance of pedophilia as normal.

Read the proof for yourself.

Gay Activist Peter Tatchell:

“I think it is courageous […] Offering a rational, informed perspective on sexual relations between younger and older people, they document examples of societies where consenting inter-generational sex is considered normal, beneficial and enjoyable by old and young alike. […] The positive nature of some child-adult sexual relationships is not confined to non-Western cultures. Several of my friends, gay and straight, male and female had sex with adults from the ages of nine to 13. All say it was their conscious choice and gave them great joy […] it is time society acknowledged the truth that not all sex involving children is unwanted, abusive or harmful.”

 

Gay Professor and Activist Gary Dowsett:

Gay Pedophile“I also have a friend, a paedophile, who is working very hard on making sense out of his relations with boys. These relations consist of, among other things, a large amount of nurture and support for these boys, a real caring for their welfare and growth. […] So what is the problem? Or more succinctly, what is the problem we are facing that warrants the construction of an issue about the relations between gay men and kids? […] For, anecdotes aside, one thing should be quite clear: gay men do have a wide range of relationships with kids, their own, their friends’, in ‘families’ and other social arrangements. That is the starting point in the debate, and it is from this point, our practices, that a political position can be built. And a new political position is needed for there are significant political struggles at stake. First, we have three legal/social questions to win: custody right for gay men and lesbians; the legal rights of paedophiles and their young lovers; and finally the sexual rights of children as a whole. Second, we have three issues within the homosexual movement and community: the support gay men provide the women’s movement and in our alternative child rearing practices and arrangements; the way we have set up the debate at present; and last the real meaning of childlessness. […]

“Cuddling, breastfeeding, bathing together, playing, kissing and fondling kids are immensely pleasurable activities for them and for us. And it is not uncommon to be sexually aroused by that closeness, that touch and that love. How different then is that gentle, tentative sexuality between parent and child from the love of a paedophile and his/her lover? […] The current paedophilia debate then is crucial to the political process of the gay movement: paedophiles need our support, and we need to construct the child/adult sex issue on our terms. […] Our new kinds of arrangements collectively create a new politics of child/adult relations. Is this a bit of gay chauvinism, gay pride, a fond idealistic hope? Maybe, but since when have we too regarded pride as a sin?”

 

Harry Hay, Early “Gay Rights” Leader:

“Because if the parents and friends of gays are truly friends of gays, they would know from their gay kids that the relationship with an older man is precisely what thirteen-, fourteen-, and fifteen-year-old kids need more than anything else in the world.”

 

Journalist Ginger Gorman who interviewed Gay “Dads” and was then “shocked” to Learn that the men were actually depraved Pedophiles:

“I was putting together a series of interviews on gender. This particular interview was with a couple who were gay dads, and they had been on a long journey to have a child via surrogacy […] I felt no sense that anything was wrong. For all intents and purposes this appeared to be a loving family and a loving household. And I’ve gone over and over it in my brain and I just did not feel that anything was wrong[…] I’m profoundly shocked and disgusted by what’s happened. Since then I am just revolted and I find myself quite despairing about the turn of events.”

 

Eve Ensler, Author of the Vagina Monologues and defender of lesbian rape:

“Now people say that it was kind of rape. I was only thirteen and she was twenty-four. Well, I say, if it was a rape, it was a good rape then, a rape that turned my sorry-ass coochi-snorcher into a kind of heaven.”

H/T to the Sydney Traditionalist Forum for Collecting these Quotes on their Site.

SOURCE: Eagle Rising

Since 2014 The Olive Branch Report, the definitive Christian Magazine for today has featured the insightful writing and reporting of Christian blogger Greg Holt. His writing has been featured on American Prophet, American Clarion, Eagle Rising, Not Ashamed of the Gospel, and others. Greg is also the Editor of Inspirational Christian Blogs. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. There is no other

Profile of a pedophile

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  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

What is a pedophile? It is someone who desires sex with children. In my opinion they are mentally sick, demented, and controlled by Satan. Satan uses them in the most perverse ways he can which allows families and individuals to be destroyed emotionally, at times physically, and the victims spirit is shattered.

Statistics show the majority of pedophiles are male but women are  not left out and neither are teenagers. Think about the news casts we’ve seen where a female teacher has been having sex with her students. Think about the young men who trick younger children to meet them “out behind the building.”  These are people who are dangerous and have one agenda, sex with a child.

They can be someone you love, a relative. My Dad was one. His victims numbered six, that we know of. They can be a grandfather, uncle, brother, and yes maybe even your wife or son or a preacher, teacher, coach, or neighbor. In other words, it can be anyone.

Pedophiles have a pattern, an M.O. if you want to call it that. There are behaviors and attitudes that we can look for to help us protect our children. In Charles Montaldo, a crime expert, article, “Profile of a Pedophile” (May 16, 2014) he outlines some of what we can look for.

Young children are not the only victims they target. Some pedophiles “prefer their victims to be close to the age of puberty.” So our teenagers are not safe due to their age. Male and females are potential targets.

Pedophiles will find jobs or volunteer where they are around children. It can be a youth group at church, a playground down the street, little league, swim team. Groups are not the only target area for prospects. They seek out individuals in a variety of ways.

They look for children that are “shy, withdrawn,” and yes, even “handicapped.” “Many victims are from troubled homes and the underprivileged.” Single parents are a prime target. They will get close to the single parent ingratiating themselves into the family  so as to be close to their potential victim. What better way to have your victim close than to live in the same house or across the street? The internet is a prime source of locating and grooming the pedophiles victims. He can be anything the child wants him to be without ever showing his true colors – until its to late.

The pedophile is very skilled in his/her manipulation and “grooming.” Many children have low self-esteem and the pedophile will play on that by becoming friendly and telling the victim how special they are. Children with low self-esteem are not the only ones the pedophile will woo. Giggling girls playing on a chat site can suddenly find themselves being wooed by a pedophile, sucked into the vice of, “he seems so nice.” “There’s no harm in just talking.” The child has just stepped into the pedophiles web of deception.

Part of the grooming process is offering “love,” “support,” filling the needs of the child that seem obvious to the pedophile. They may offer drugs, alcohol, or show the child pornographic pictures all under the guise of, ” it’s okay,”  “it’s healthy and normal.” and “this is preparing you for marriage.”

The pedophile will also use guilt as a means to get to the child. “If you are really my friend you’ll ….” or “I thought you loved me!” The pedophile will use any language or means available to achieve the goal – sex with a child!

Parents be aware! We don’t have to be paranoid but we have to be cautious! We’re warned constantly about watching what our children are doing on the computer. It can become a “yeah, yeah, yeah” but its there for a very good reason. If someone is wanting to be around your child more than normal, volunteering to babysit and almost insisting, take your child camping, rides home from school or a friends more than occasionally, hugging more than appropriate, touching or “sly” looks, be on the alert. If your child suddenly doesn’t want to be around a friend or relative they previously had a relationship with ask why. Mom’s have a God given sensitivity – follow that gut feeling that something isn’t right in the relationship this person has with your child. If it means losing a relationship with a relative or friend – caution is the best antidote. Your child comes first!

   “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

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Blessings to you.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

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Every person has things that they will tolerate and those things that they will not tolerate. From ourselves and others. It’s called setting boundaries. But are the boundaries we set healthy boundaries?

Children that grow up in dysfunctional families are not given a choice, or not taught what healthy boundaries are. There are not usually boundaries set in dysfunctional homes. Sexual abuse is tolerated or hidden, beating Mom when the dinner isn’t ready on time, cussing and screaming, slapping, verbal attacks, degradation. There are all forms of abuse being tolerated. If there are any boundaries at all they are usually unhealthy.

What is a boundary? According to Webster’s dictionary it is “A limit. Anything marking a limit.” It’s as though we draw a line in the sand and say, “Don’t cross this line!” As Christians we can set healthy boundaries by refusing to listen to dirty jokes and  gossip for example.  Those are healthy boundaries. Once we have let others know that we will not tolerate filthy language, gossip, dirty jokes or whatever it is that offends us we must stick to those boundaries.

What are unhealthy boundaries? Allowing someone to verbally abuse us is one example of an unhealthy boundary. For example, I tell my husband that he can cuss all he wants but I just won’t tolerate the “F” word. Is that really a healthy boundary? No! Or for example, “Just don’t hit me in the face.”

There are many many examples of healthy and unhealthy boundaries but what it boils down to is what and how much I will tolerate, not just from others but from myself. Will I allow someone barging into the bathroom while I soak in the tub? Will I allow someone to continually verbally abuse me and say nothing? Will I continue to be degraded in front of my co-workers? Boundaries are set so that we may be treated with dignity and respect. If I allow others to belittle me or in some way show less than the respect that I deserve then I have not set boundaries. I am accepting that I am “less than.”

Children that have been abused have not been taught boundaries. As adults we tend to allow others to abuse us verbally, emotionally, or physically because we have not been taught that we are loved and respected as another human being. We expect less of people and of ourselves because that’s what our life experiences taught us. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In Gen. 1:28 God told Adam and Eve about ownership. We are not to only take control of the things of the earth but that we are to take control and responsibility for our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. “We are made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t.”* In other words, are we going to allow certain unhealthy things to control us?  “It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t.” *

In  Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend book, “Boundaries” he states, “Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.” *

They go on to discuss attitudes, feelings, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. All have boundaries. “Boundaries are built and you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others.”

Many people feel they are being disobedient, will hurt others feelings, people may think I’m controlling, or angry if I set boundaries. But setting healthy boundaries are none of these. All children need healthy boundaries set in place not only for their safety but for learning they are loved and respected and we as adults also need to put in place healthy boundaries.

As a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse I had to learn to create  healthy boundaries in order to live an emotionally healthy life. All of our relationships are affected by the boundaries we set or the lack of boundaries. What we tolerate is what will continue!

One of books that was of great help in my understanding and learning how to put in place healthy boundaries is:

*51AFJW77T0L._AA160_[1]Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I highly recommend it and the workbook. (available at http://www.amazon.com)

If you have confidential comments or questions feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

 

http://www.elahministriesinc.com

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Blessings to you.

Honoring Mommy & Daddy

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The Ten Commandment are given to us to protect and enhance our daily lives. A young child is taught to respect the commandments and all of the scriptures. Hopefully through, and with, the love of their parents or some other loving individual.

Many times the commandment, “Honor your mother and father” is taught by an abusive person as a means of control and manipulation. His/her distorted version of this commandment can and does cause many problems later in life for the survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

It can also distort His word for those who have been physically or emotionally abused. Particularly if that abuse was from those closest to the child, the parent.

“These are the commandments the Lord

proclaimed in a loud voice…

Honor your father and your mother

as the Lord your God has commanded you,

so that you may live long and that it

may go well with you in the land

your God is giving you.”

Duet. 5:16 

“Children, obey your parents

in the Lord, for this is right.

“Honor your father and your mother,…

that it may go well with you and

that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Eph. 6:1-3

“Honor your father and mother” must be looked at more closely for those of us who have difficulty with that commandment.  Look at the Ephesians 6 verse closely. There is one key phrase that needs clarifying. “In the Lord.” What does that mean? Simply put, “In the Lord” means in accordance with God’s commands! If this phrase was not there, specifically telling us that we are to obey and honor as Christ would have us do, there would be no holds barred, no boundaries.

God placed the innocent child in the charge of adults and told them specifically how they should raise this child. Your parents, be it biological, adoptive, grandparents, foster parents, or step-parents are directly responsible to God for your well-being; physical, emotional, spiritual. All of these people are intended to be agents of God’s love and protection.

As adults we have the responsibility to keep children from harms way. We have very specific, clear-cut guidelines that the Lord put in place to show us how to do that. One of those is:

“No-one is to approach any close relative

to have sexual relations. I am the Lord.”

Leviticus 18:6

The verses continue on to specify mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandparents, sisters, brothers, in-laws, step children, and so on. (See Lev. 18) You can’t get any clearer than that!

If you were abused by a relative, that sin is not only a sin against you but against God.  If your abuser was not a relative he/she has still sinned against God and will also pay accordingly.

“Whoever welcomes a little child like

this in My name welcomes Me,

But if anyone causes one of these

little one’s who believe in Me to sin,

it will be better for him to have a

millstone hung around his neck

and to be drowned in the

depths of the sea.”

Matthew 18:5 

You will notice He does not specify “Dad welcomes…” or “Mother welcomes…,” or for that matter “Uncle welcomes…” He says, “Anyone causes…”

As adults Father God gives us the absolute responsibility to not harm; physically, sexually, emotionally, or spiritually the children in our society.

“…your Father in heaven is not

willing that ANY of these

little ones should be lost.

Matthew 18:14

As adults within our society our status is looked upon as authority to the child. It makes no difference if the child is ours or someone else’s. Tell a child that you have never met before to sit in the swing properly, for example. That child will more than likely not question your authority. He/she will promptly take the proper sitting position. (At least that’s how it was when I was growing up.)

Our responsibility as being older than the child is to look out for the well-being of those younger. Parents, neighbors, or strangers have this responsibility. Would you stand by as a child played on a railroad track, seeing the train approaching from the distance? Of course not! That is part of the responsibility that we carry. That the Lord Jesus gave to us.

“These commandments that I give you

(everyone) are to be put upon your hearts.

Impress them on your children…

tie them as symbols upon your hands

and bind them on your foreheads.”

Duet. 6: 6-9

 In other words, the Lord is telling us that we are to eat, drink, walk, talk, speak, teach, and be as Christ-like as humanly possible. We are to be a Christ-like example to others. Especially children.

“Train a child in the way

he should go, and when

he is old he will not

turn from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“Train a child…” We are all a part of the training of children. Even if we do not have children we are to be a Christ-like example to them.

What about honoring? “Honor your father and mother.” The Greek word for honor is TIUAW, which means, “acknowledge the status of.” Another form of the Greek word for honor is TIUN,NS, which means  “respect, recognition.”

We show respect and recognize the status of our elders, be it parents or others. By the child, in the example used earlier, sitting properly in the swing, respect for that elder is being shown. By acknowledging that authority there was no argument. The child promptly sat properly.

By the very act of recognizing the older person’s position we are honoring that person. The Lord said, “honor your father and mother.” We do! by recognizing their position as our parents, by obeying their commands; right or wrong. If they demanded we do something, as a child, we obeyed because of their position and authority.

Throughout scripture we will find directives, to parents in particular.

“Fathers do not embitter your children,

or they will become discouraged.”

Col. 3:21

“For I have chosen him, so that he

will direct his children and his household

after him to keep the way of the Lord

by doing what is right and just…”

Gen. 18:19

“Fathers, do not exasperate

(do not nag or arbitrarily assert authority)

your children; instead, bring them up

in training and instruction

of the Lord…”

Col. 3:19-20

“Husbands, love your wives

and do not be harsh to them.

Children, obey your parents

in everything,

for this pleases the Lord…”

Col. 3:19-20

This last verse can show us, in my opinion, that by doing what we were told, (as though we had a choice!) we pleased the Lord as His command says. It was our abuser(s) who chose to break the commandments of our Lord.

“…choose for yourselves this day

whom you will serve…”

Joshua 24:15

Obviously, our abuser(s) chose not to serve the Father in heaven. When we were told, “It’s our secret” or some derivative of that, our abuser was admitting his/her guilt. He/she was keeping us silent so that he/she would not be found guilty of the sin that he/she chose to commit against you and against Christ.

“…assemble the people before Me

to hear My words so that they

may learn to revere Me as long as

they live in the land and may teach

them to their children.”

Duet.4:10 

The lessons that we were being taught through the abusive actions of others were not in keeping with what Christ said for people to do. If His truths and His commandments were being taught in a Christ-like manner, which means that we have the life of Christ within us and the power of the Holy Spirit, we would never have experienced the pain that was inflicted upon our innocent souls.

We would not now have a distortion within our inner being, a bad taste in our mouth, and there would be no hesitation to even speak the words, “Honor your father and mother.”

We must also keep in mind that another of His commandments tells us to love one another. We must learn to love one another as Christ loves us. Forgiveness is tough! But, through the Holy Spirit within us, we can forgive those who taught us the wrong connotation of “Honor your father and mother.”

“May my vindication comes from you;

May your eyes see what is right.”

Psalm 17:2 

~~~~~

Assignment:

Pray and write in your journal your thoughts about this topic. If it was a relative that abused you, do they deserve to be honored? Has it left a “bad taste” just thinking about it? Can you forgive them?

If you have children, how do they honor you?

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

http://www.elahministriesinc.com

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Blessings to you.