RSS Feed

Tag Archives: Being set free

Are your hands full?

Posted on


“Therefore if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

One of the first articles I wrote for the new Cyber Support Group blog (Rocks in my Garden) was with an assignment of placing rocks in a basket as each issue was healed. Survivors carry much guilt, shame, unforgiveness, low self-esteem, anger, etc. The healing of these many issues takes time and much work. They did not happen over night and will not be healed over night. As each issue is looked at we go through the pain of having to relive some of the events of the past but as we do so the Lord is with us and helping us to delve into the deep dark secrets and the effects it has in our present life.

Shame is something that is placed on us through acts that defy what we are created to be. God did not create us to walk with shame or guilt or rage because of what was done to us. He wishes each of us to be free to laugh, love, and rejoice in Him with the freedom much like a child happily playing.

If we have these issues bearing down on us we cannot be free to be as He created us to be. We must take each issue and deal with it. We cannot do it alone! We need Christ’s wisdom, guidance, and insight. We need the support of others and possibly a good counselor that is willing to walk with us through the pain.

Anger is a volatile emotion that can debilitate us and affects every relationship we have. It’s as though we have a volcano deep inside just waiting to erupt. Healing the issues we have to deal with helps in easing the effects of the volcano. It brings about forgiveness and as forgiveness is granted, for us and our abuser/s, we are set free from the devastating effects. I have seen survivors who felt as though a million pounds had been lifted from their shoulders by the act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is difficult when we have been so violated by another human being that we trusted. Betrayal of the deepest level is difficult to forgive but it is absolutely necessary for us to be able to move forward and become free. It is the most important step in gaining freedom. It is the goal that we can set before us – to be able to forgive the one/ones that so harmed us. I’m not talking about lip service forgiveness but the kind of forgiveness that truly comes from the heart. We can start by telling the Lord that because He forgives us we choose to forgive (abuser name) and eventually we will be able to forgive from the heart.

Forgiveness is a choice! It does not mean what was done was right. It does not mean you have to have a relationship, or even contact, with this person. It does not mean that you will forget what was done. It means you release the consequences and judgment to God. Unforgiveness is wanting revenge. Forgiveness means that you have broken the ties that your abuser has you bound up with. It means you have taken a most important step in being able to move forward and live the life that God wants you to have. It means freedom.

Here are some scriptures to help you with various issues you may be facing:

Eph. 4:20

Eph. 4:31, 32

Phil. 4:6,

Gen 28:15

Mark 11:25

Is. 26:37

Ps. 91:4-7

 If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at:

Blessings to you.

Held in bondage by being silent

Posted on


So many times we do not have the opportunity to tell someone that we love them, we forgive them for all the hurt they have caused us or what we’re going through.  We have thoughts that we’ve never put into words. Regardless of whether they hear us or not we still have an opportunity to say the things we want to say.

When my husband was sick and dying I had every opportunity to tell him those things that I felt in my heart, and I did. In my post, “Confronting your abuser” I tell how I was given the opportunity to confront my Dad about the years of abuse he inflicted upon me. But what if we can’t tell the person, our abuser, what we would really like to say? The hurt and anger, the consequences from their actions, the sorrow that they have caused. What if they don’t care what we think? What if they’re thousands of miles away on a desert island with no means of contact or dead? What if we’re just afraid to say the things that we always wanted to say?

My first husband was a wife beater, an alcoholic, and a womanizer. When he was killed (I didn’t do it) I went back to the grave yard alone and sat looking at his tombstone. I cried, I screamed, I laughed, and I told him all the ways he had hurt me. I don’t remember how long I sat there pouring out everything I ever wanted to say to him. I loved you and you hurt me. I went with a heavy heart and even though he couldn’t hear me I left feeling free of all those feelings that had been bent up inside. I walked away feeling like I was walking on a cloud. The burdens of my heart was left behind as I drove away.

All of us have unspoken words to our abuser/s. Maybe we have lashed out at one time or another and they received it with a deaf ear. Maybe we’ve just had it all bottled up inside because “it wouldn’t do any good to say it.” Those unspoken words keep us in emotional bondage to the one who hurt us. We are still locked together with that person just as if we have handcuffs locked about our wrist.

Jesus does not want us bound to evil. He came that we may have life more abundant and that means free from not only the many issues that we grapple with from the abuse but the emotional ties of not being able to voice the hurt, anger, and pain we feel. Christ has the key to those handcuffs. Will you take it?



Assignment: One of the most important assignments I’ll give.

Sit down with pen and paper and write a letter to your abuser. It will not be sent! You are the only one who will read it, if that is your choice. Pour your heart out! Hold nothing back! This isn’t a sweet, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but…” kind of letter. This is pouring out the hurt, the betrayal, the rage you feel, whatever it is you want to say.

The last three words of your letter should be, “I forgive you.” I know that’s a tall order, but Christ forgives us and we don’t deserve it either. If you can’t end your letter with those words, it’s okay. For now.

Freedom is yours if you’ll take the time to do this exercise.  If you have more than one abuser I suggest picking the one whom you feel hurt you the most, (if that’s possible) then when you’ve felt that freedom go back at another time and write to another, then another and do it until you have been set free from each. This is a safe means of letting out the anger, hurt, etc.

Let us know how you feel after writing the letter. It can be encouragement to the others in the group.


If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at:


“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” John 8:36

Blessings to you.