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15 Quotes About How to Set Healthy Boundaries

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dianasmussen.com

1-5-2020

Have you ever read the Boundaries Series by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend? I have to say that this is one of the best books I have ever read. As a former victim of Domestic Violence I had no idea what a boundary was or how I could set one. I never said NO!

I had no idea when to say YES and when to say NO! I was saying YES to people I should have said NO to. I was saying NO to people I should have said YES to. Does this make any sense? Do you struggle to set boundaries in your life?

I was literally a Chameleon. I was so starved for attention that I became whatever the man in my life wanted. I was a prep for the engineer, I was a biker for the biker, etc. ad nauseum. I literally had no idea what Diana liked or wanted. Seriously. I was a doormat.

But not anymore, lol! Seriously, this book changed my life. It really helped me. And NO, they did not pay me to say this. What books have helped you with life? Yes, I know, the Bible. Me too. Any others?

15 Quotes About How to Set Healthy Boundaries

  1. “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
  2. “Emotions, or feelings, have a function. They tell us something. They are a signal….Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. Much like a nation’s radar defense system, angry feelings serve as an “early warning system” telling us we’re in danger of being injured or controlled.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  3. “Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.” ― Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend
  4. “When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It’s not your problem. It’s not your responsibility. You don’t have to respond, but I’d like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  5. “When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  6. The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
  7. “When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  8. “The best example of a safe person is found in Jesus. In him were found the three qualities of a safe person: dwelling, grace, and truth.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
  9. “Emotions, or feelings, have a function. They tell us something. They are a signal….Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. Much like a nation’s radar defense system, angry feelings serve as an “early warning system” telling us we’re in danger of being injured or controlled.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  10. “Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.” ― Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend
  11. “When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It’s not your problem. It’s not your responsibility. You don’t have to respond, but I’d like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  12. “When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  13. The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
  14. “When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom.” ― Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  15. “The best example of a safe person is found in Jesus. In him were found the three qualities of a safe person: dwelling, grace, and truth.” ― Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend

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First Legally “Non-Binary” American Gets Designation Reversed, Says Gender Ideology is Fiction

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First Legally “Non-Binary” American Gets Designation Reversed, Says Gender Ideology is Fiction

First Legally “Non-Binary” American Gets Designation Reversed, Says Gender Ideology is Fiction

The first man to be legally declared “non-binary” has reversed course and successfully petitioned a court to restore his designation as a man after realizing transgender ideology was all a lie.

After beginning to identify as a woman in 2013, James Shupe became a hero of the transgender community for making history by receiving his “non-binary” designation back in 2016. Now, that’s all changed.

In an interview with PJ media, Shupe disclosed all of the problems that taking prescribed cross-sex hormones had on his health.

“I ended up in the psych ward three times because of hormones. I had blood clots in my eyes because my estrogen levels were 2,585 instead of 200, low bone density, problems controlling my bladder, and emotional instability. Blood tests indicated I was dropping into kidney disease territory for about 18 months, I had chronic dermatology issues and skin reactions to estrogen patches. I passed out on the kitchen floor from Spironolactone,” he said.

In 2017, Shupe began to realize that he had been duped by gender ideology. In January 2019, he took a big step towards reclaiming his birth sex and drove to a DMV to ask for a new driver’s license that designated him as a male.

Speaking of another woman, Jones David Hollister, who is currently trying to change her legal designation to non-binary, Shupe said, “I hope that Hollister and all the others are denied the right to change their sex to non-binary because it’s fraud and legal fiction based on pseudoscience. I was indoctrinated to believe that I had this thing called a gender identity and that suppressing it was causing my mental health problems. It was all a lie.”

Prior to being “cancelled” for his decision to live again as a man, The New York Times wrote a profile on him touting his transgenderism. And after being legally declared “non-binary,” Oregon Live immediately hyped the news in a story that paints a glowing picture of transgenderism as “exciting.”

Now, Shupe says the media won’t talk to him. “Not a single Oregon media outlet has been willing to talk to me, let alone report that I’ve reclaimed my birth sex and have denounced gender ideology,” Shupe told PJ Media.

Despite the claims of transgender activists, cross-sex hormone therapy causes massive harm to those struggling with gender dysphoria, as James Shupe evidenced. It is not compassionate to treat a psychological problem by attempting to medically transform one’s body.

In a closing statement to PJ Media, Shupe said, “It’s an incredibly painful thing to walk back a landmark court decision that made you internationally famous and admit the whole thing was based on lies and deceit.”

Additional Resources:

Focus on the Family: Transgender Resources

New Resource for Parents: “Responding to the Transgender Issue”

When Transgender Issues Enter Your World

Resources When Your Child Encounters LGBT Ideology at School

Sex Ed Identity Crisis

 

You can follow this author on Twitter @MettlerZachary

 

Photo from PJ Media 

Leave Behind…

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I’m a bit hesitant to say I hope you had a wonderful Christmas because so many of us will scrunch up our faces just thinking about all these holidays right in a row, because Christmas time and all the holidays bring back memories we would rather not have surface. It can, and often is, a time that we want to hide under the blankets and wait for it all to be over.

The commercials are enough to drive anyone nuts with all their pushing of “you’ll be better with…” and “a time for family, friends, and fun.” For those of us that survived tremendous trauma in childhood, that will, or can bring back, flashbacks that are not fun or friendly.

But I have good news.

Those holidays are now past and we can, yes we can, leave behind those difficulties and look forward to a whole new year.

“THEY HAVE GREATLY OPPRESSED ME

FROM MY YOUTH,

BUT THEY HAVE NOT

GAINED VICTORY

OVER ME,”

That’s Psalm 129:2 and if you believe that verse then 2020 will be even better than 2019. We have a Lord and Savior that knows all of our deep pain and He is our Almighty Healer.

With each step we take in our healing journey He is right there with us. He will bring out of the darkness what is hidden and once exposed, and truly looked at, the light of His saving grace will heal it.

That sounds so simple I know. But I also know it is not quite as simple as it sounds because I have gone through those painful steps myself.

For many years Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, was something I absolutely dreaded because of past memories, but when I found that verse it was His light shining into those dark places and gave me the encouragement, strength, and fortitude to carry on in spite of what happened in the past.

I pray that as we all step into this new year that we will forge forward with new hope, new insight, and new healing, and embrace the wonderful things that the Lord has planned for us.

You can do it!

So have a …

HAPPY, JOY FILLED, PEACEFUL, AND PROSPEROUS 2020

 

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America’s First ‘Nonbinary Person’ Speaks Out: “It Was All a Sham”

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Jamie ShupeRight off, you need to read the full column in The Daily Signal from Jamie Shupe, who chronicles his long, painful journey through the transgender world. He outlines his childhood history of abuse, how he coasted through the medical community with only one therapist cautioning against transgenderism, and how he finally came back to living the actual truth: that he is now and always will be a biological male. His story is an important one, a story the LGBTQ and far left do not want you to see; that transgenderism harms everyone involved and as we’ve seen over the past few years, society at large.

Let’s begin:

Four years ago, I wrote about my decision to live as a woman in The New York Times, writing that I had wanted to live “authentically as the woman that I have always been,” and had “effectively traded my white male privilege to become one of America’s most hated minorities.”

Thus started Jamie’s rise to fame as the radical LGBTQ left’s poster child to take down convention.

Three years ago, I decided that I was neither male nor female, but nonbinary—and made headlines after an Oregon judge agreed to let me identify as a third sex, not male or female.

Now, I want to live again as the man that I am.

After three years, Jaime was dissatisfied with being a transwoman, which should’ve fired off alarm bells for those treating him. But an agenda was at play, so Jaime became nonbinary with the radical LGBTQ left greasing the runway with KY Jelly. The LGBTQ’s efforts, with Shupe as the pioneer, set in motion many of the radical ideas with no basis in reality, which governs our modern discourse: that gender is on a spectrum, that your truth is THEE truth, and anyone who disagrees with you is a hateful bigot to be shamed and shunned by all. Related: UK Woman Thrown in Jail for Deadnaming a Transgender Online.

But here’s what got all of this started. Jaime has a long history of suffering through abuse.

The nurse practitioner ignored that I have chronic post-traumatic stress disorder, having previously served in the military for almost 18 years. All of my doctors agree on that. Others believe that I have bipolar disorder and possibly borderline personality disorder.

I should have been stopped, but out-of-control, transgender activism had made the nurse practitioner too scared to say no.

Let that last line sink in. Jamie knows, and from what it sounds like wishes he’d been stopped. But activism, out of control activism, rendered medical practitioners frightened of what would happen to them if they said no to his transgender demand.

As a child, I was sexually abused by a male relative. My parents severely beat me. At this point, I’ve been exposed to so much violence and had so many close calls that I don’t know how to explain why I’m still alive. Nor do I know how to mentally process some of the things I’ve seen and experienced.

As we already know from Walt Heyer and others, many transgender people suffered through a childhood trauma. Or several. Meaning wanting to be another gender is a symptom pointing to a larger problem which should be treated, not accommodated.

So Jaime “became a woman” to become what he wanted to be in his mind.

It wasn’t until I came out against the sterilization and mutilation of gender-confused children and transgender military service members in 2017 that LGBT organizations stopped helping me. Most of the media retreated with them.

So it’s all fun and games until you question the agenda of the people helping you. The minute one says “maybe we shouldn’t push hormones on children” that’s when the help stops.

This is the side which promotes tolerance, acceptance, and compassion. But if you question their desire to pump children full of hormones while cutting them up, now there’s a problem.

But the following statement, this is the money shot:

I do not have any disorders of sexual development. All of my sexual confusion was in my head. I should have been treated. Instead, at every step, doctors, judges, and advocacy groups indulged my fiction.

At every step, doctors “indulged my fiction.” This was a man who needed help. No one but one therapist wanted to help him, not “indulge his fiction.” Again, you need to read the full story, it’s eye-opening.

What we, as a society, are doing is indulging the fiction of people who need help. But we are not helping them by going along with their fantasy, we are just delaying and prolonging their suffering. Many transgender and former transgender people, like Jamie here, are screaming at us to wake up. But the LGBTQ zealots are trying to silence them, and us, every step of the way. Threatening our livelihoods if we dare speak up.

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the grizzle grist mill

*A little late to posting today. My apologies.

I saw this picture the other day, and it struck a chord in my soul. Sometimes, we work hard to hide the scars we’ve obtained through the valleys of life. Many times, a scar leaves us with the memory of what is broken and marred. Often times, we try to cover the scar with a smile, a laugh or a seeking to remain in the shadows, thinking somehow, if the scar is never seen, the wounds and the pain will magically disappear as well.

I have found this statement to be so very true. “Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.”

Growth, strength and healing is all in perspective. Let truth be your guide. Let love be your light, and let hope be your destiny despite the scars with which you…

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STUFFING OUR FACE

I think Thanksgiving should be everyday. Oh, not the turkey, dressing, and cranberry sauce but having a thankful heart. Each night before bed I thank the Lord for all He is, all He does, and who He is, and the one thing I don’t ever want to forget is to thank Him for loving me in spite of all my flaws.

With the holidays, (I hate Christmas being referred to as a “holiday,”) but with what we refer to as the holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, so many of us are caught up in the traditional baking, gift shopping, and party’s that it may be difficult to focus on writing.

I have found this to be true the last few days. There’s just too many distractions, places to go, things to be done before the mad crowds hit the Malls and stores. I refuse to shop after Thanksgiving!

It is also a time of year that can be very difficult, so for those of us that are reminded of childhood pain and suffering or are grieving losses of loved ones, there is hope and we can be thankful for our Lord and Savior that understands our pain and is faithful to bring us through.

Maybe writing in our journals will help if we list those wonderful things that the Lord has done and be thankful we have Him as our Healer and the One who will dry our tears and get us through.

My suggestion is to do what makes you happy, be it serving others in a soup line, eating a Hungry Man turkey dinner while watching cartoons, or cooking a huge Thanksgiving dinner. Be thankful for all the mercy and blessings the Lord has showered us with.

Me? I am thankful that my roommate loves to cook. She’s cooking a big dinner and I’m eating it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We’ll get back to writing after our tummies are full.

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Healing Doesn’t Mean…

Image may contain: one or more people and text

 

Once Again

the grizzle grist mill

Once Again

Your face reminds me of the pain

Your smile retains the brokenness

Your voice prods the gash deep in my soul.

Just when I think I’ve grown past, I hear your laughter within

Just when I feel I’ve moved beyond, I see your hand holding on

Just when I believe I’ve overcome, I touch a memory in the forgotten mind

I wish I could just stay angry forever

I long to see the payment for your crime

I yearn for the day when justice divides

Yet, He draws me back to unconditional love

He reminds me of His unyielding mercy

He calls to my heart to gracefully forgive

Not for your sake, but rather, for mine

Once Again

Penned – MG – 11/14/19

This is quite an old song, but it so eloquently describes the wounded heart. ❤️

https://youtu.be/E5rfLcGZumE

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Thank You – Bethel Music

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All we have to do is reach out to Him and He will take the shame, the guilt, and all we have hidden in those dark places.

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John Hopkins Psychiatrist: ‘Gender Confusions Are Mostly Driven by Psychological and Psychosocial Problems’

John Hopkins Psychiatrist: ‘Gender Confusions Are Mostly Driven by Psychological and Psychosocial Problems’

Listen to the Article!

Craig Bannister

By Craig Bannister | September 17, 2019 | 3:52 PM EDT

(Getty Images/Guy Smallman)

Dr. Paul R. McHugh, the Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University and former psychiatrist–in-chief for Johns Hopkins Hospital, who has studied transgendered people for 40 years, believes that patients suffering gender dysphoria need psychological care – not gender reassignment treatment.

“I think their mental problems, often depression, discouragement are the things that need treatment,” Dr. McHugh, who has argued that it is a scientific fact that “transgendered men do not become women, nor do transgendered women become men,” told The College Fix in an interview published Tuesday:

“I believe that these gender confusions are mostly being driven by psychological and psychosocial problems these people have. That explains the rapid onset gender dysphoria (Brown University Researcher) Lisa Littman has spelled out.”

Because their problems are psychological, many people who become transgender find that they no less troubled after the change, he says:

“It would explain why many of the people who go on to have treatment of their body discover they are just as depressed, discouraged and live just as problematic lives as they did before because they did not address the primary problem.”

Also, since so little is known about the effects of the hormone treatments, medical professionals providing them are, basically, just experimenting on their transgender patients, McHugh tells The Fix.

Dr. McHugh predicts that, once people realize the harm it’s doing, transgender treatment will be viewed with regret, much like the eugenics movement.