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Monthly Archives: February 2019

Man Regrets Transgender Surgery and Life as Women, Says Media ‘Misled’ Him

Michael Foust | ChristianHeadlines.com Contributor | Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Man Regrets Transgender Surgery and Life as Women, Says Media ‘Misled’ Him

MAN REGRETS TRANSGENDER SURGERY AND LIFE AS WOMEN, SAYS MEDIA ‘MISLED’ HIM


A man who formerly lived as a transgender woman and who had sex-reassignment surgery is speaking up about how he regrets the changes he made.

Many other people like him exist, he says, but their voices are not given a platform.

“Had I not been misled by media stories of sex change ‘success’ and by medical practitioners who said transitioning was the answer to my problems, I wouldn’t have suffered as I have,” Walt Heyer writes in a column on USA Today’s website. “Genetics can’t be changed. Feelings, however, can and do change. Underlying issues often drive the desire to escape one’s life into another, and they need to be addressed before taking the radical step of transition.”

Heyer, who heads SexChangeRegret.com, says he met and married a woman in his early 20s. They had two children, but he eventually began identifying as a woman himself. Those feelings, he says, were sparked by a grandmother who dressed him like a girl when he was four years old. An uncle sexually abused him, too. A medical professional him that his “childhood events were not related” to his “current gender distress.”

He started taking female hormones at age 42. He had breast implants and genital reconfiguration surgery. He and his wife split.

“My childhood dream was realized, and my life as a woman began,” he writes.

He changed his birth certificate and became known as “Laura.” Inside, though, he wasn’t happy.

“A gender specialist told me to give it more time,” he writes. “Eight years seemed like an awfully long time to me. Nothing made sense. Why hadn’t the recommended hormones and surgery worked? Why was I still distressed about my gender identity? Why wasn’t I happy being Laura? Why did I have strong desires to be Walt again?”

At age 50, he had his breast implants removed. He spent the next few years in counseling. By age 55, his desires to be a woman were gone.

He then met a woman who “didn’t care about the changes to my body.” They were married and have been together for 21 years.

“You will hear the media say, ‘Regret is rare.’ But they are not reading my inbox, which is full of messages from transgender individuals who want the life and body back that was taken from them by cross-sex hormones, surgery and living under a new identity,” Heyer writes. “After de-transitioning, I know the truth: Hormones and surgery may alter appearances, but nothing changes the immutable fact of your sex.”

Michael Foust is a freelance writer. Visit his blog, MichaelFoust.com.

Photo courtesy: Lauren Mitchell/Unsplash

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Child Sexual Abuse and Education

THIS TESTIMONY COULD HAVE TRIGGERS.

Showers Of Grace

Disclaimer

This post discusses themes of child sexual abuse and may be graphic for some readers. 

writingFor the past four months I have been writing a memoir about my experience growing up in a dysfunctional household and how it has affected me through each stage of my life. Though I have been trying to take a subjective stance with my writing by not allowing my emotions to dictate the text, I have found that my writing has been not only cathartic but it has helped me pinpoint certain events that still negatively impact me to this day.

While I have relatively “gotten over” (does one ever really “get over” traumatic experiences or do they simply learn to live with it?) most of my childhood traumas, I found myself catching my breath when writing about specific events — such as child sexual abuse.

I have a hard time calling what I…

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Emotional Child Abuse Defined

SCAR

Raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children

EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE DEFINED

“Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidating, or under the guise of ‘guidance,’ ‘teaching,’ or ‘advice,’ the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.” (University of Illinois, Counseling Center)

However, when people discuss child abuse, they often refer to the physical abuse and sexual abuse of children, both absolutely horrific types of abuse. All forms of child abuse are terrible… but the one that underpins them all—the abuse that often gets ignored—is emotional child abuse.

“Emotional abuse is at the core of all major forms of abuse and neglect, is more damaging in its impact than acts of physical and sexual abuse alone, and requires special attention to disentangle it from physical and sexual acts of maltreatment.” (The Emotionally Abused and Neglected Child: Identification, Assessment and Intervention: A Practice Handbook)

Whereas physically abused and sexually abused children have the physical proof as witnesses to their abuse, the emotionally abused child often does not.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE?

“Emotional abuse is the systematic diminishment of another. It may be intentional or subconscious (or both), but it is always a course of conduct, not a single event. It is designed to reduce a child’s self-concept to where the victim considers himself unworthy—unworthy of respect, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of the natural birthright of children: love and protection.” (child advocate, lawyer, and author Andrew Vachss, You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart essay)

Another definition by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children is:

“Emotional abuse is the persistent emotional ill-treatment of a child such as to cause severe and persistent adverse effects on the child’s emotional development. It may involve conveying to children that they are worthless or unloved, inadequate, or valued only insofar as they meet the needs of another person. It may feature age or developmentally inappropriate expectations being imposed on children. It may involve causing children frequently to feel frightened or in danger, or the exploitation or corruption of children. Some level of emotional abuse is involved in all types of ill treatment of a child, though it may occur alone.” (Department of Health et al, 1999, p.5-6)

The words persistent and systematic are crucial to the definition of child abuse. Emotional child abuse isn’t a parent telling his child once, “Why did you spill the juice? Don’t do that again!”

Emotional abuse is systematic. It’s a consistent destructive force in a child’s life. For example, an emotionally abusive parent will tell a child,“Why did you spill the juice? You are so clumsy…” and then, at some point in time (close enough to be linked to the first event), “You spilled something again? Can’t you ever do something right?” and then later, again at another point close enough in memory that the child ties it together, “You are always spilling things because you’re not careful. You don’t pay attention. You’re always messing things up.” And so on…

In time, the emotionally abused child adopts the phrase into his or her memory as something that defines them: “I am always messing up. I don’t pay attention. I am not careful.” He takes the words as a description of who he is… and the phrases will come back to him often.

All the destructive words, whether encased in subtle phrasing or baldly hurtful, will become part of the child’s “self talk.” The words will become truths to the child.

To find out more about the different types of emotional child abuse, visit this page.


Just waking up to the fact you had an emotionally abusive childhood?  This 92-page PDF can help you during this difficult time. For just $7.99, you receive What Really Happened: Finding Out You Had an Emotionally Abusive Childhood (and Tips for Healing).


veronica-jarski_authorVeronica Jarski is founder and managing editor of The Invisible Scar, a passion project dedicated to raising awareness of emotional child abuse and its effects on adult survivors. She has extensive editorial experience and a bachelor’s degree in journalism. Her work has been featured on myriad publications, such as Kapost, MarketingProfs, and Ragan.

 

Respect How I feel

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Too many times people tell us, “Oh you shouldn’t feel that way.” We need to listen to the person’s heart. If they are hurting that is what they are feeling from within. It is not right and it is not wrong. It is what it is and hurts can be healed but not by ignoring the feelings. Yes, there are rights and there are wrongs in this world and the Lord knows what is best for us. He will convict us of wrong doing or thinking but when it comes to our hearts, He knows exactly where we are. So we need to be careful in possibly adding more pain by condemning another of what is happening within their heart.

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