“Women who are victimized in a domestic abuse relationship can have multiple problems that are a direct result of such abuse. These problems can affect all aspects of functioning and can be short-lived or chronic. The following is a list of possible effects of domestic abuse upon women. While this is not a comprehensive list, it suggests the wide-ranging effects of domestic abuse upon the victim/survivor.”
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Siamese Twins, Nuremberg Chronicles (1440-1514) (PD-Old)
This post was written in collaboration with Marie Williams whose remarks are highlighted. Marie blogs at Come Fly with Me, https://mariewilliams53.wordpress.com.
We return to the topic of procrastination and perfectionism, related patterns of behavior in which many abuse victims find themselves trapped.
The part we play in creating our own dilemmas – the large and small crises in our lives stemming from procrastination – was discussed in Part 1 of this series.
Chance for Failure (Imperfection)
“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1: 7).
Apart from the problems it would generate for anyone, failure – defined by many abuse victims as imperfection, to any small degree – results in shame and self-revilement for us. Since creating these dilemmas greatly increases our chance for failure, the question arises why we persist…
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Entwined Geminis, Safavid Dynasty, Persia (c. 1635), Author Unknown, Source pinterest.com (PD)
This post was written in collaboration with Marie Williams whose remarks are highlighted. Marie blogs at Come Fly with Me, https://mariewilliams53.wordpress.com.
“Most of my life has been spent circling or avoiding important things that I need to do and I get very frustrated with myself. Sometimes, I find myself trying to locate passports or important papers at the 11th hour, when I’ve had ample time to deal with matters like this.”
-Marie Williams
Procrastination and perfectionism are patterns of behavior well familiar to abuse victims, twin destructive forces that have deep meaning for those who have suffered abuse.
We invest the necessary (the “shoulds” and “musts” of life) with the power to annihilate us, or at least demolish the fragile image we have of ourselves. Then we defer, delay, and defer again – certain that we will…
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Our suffering is never for nothing as long as God gets the glory, for He enables us to heal, share and encourage.
As I work in my calling, I am reminded why I used all sorts of substances, and other cunning diversion techniques to escape the reality of my pain. The struggle is real. Suddenly, it is clear, why pain is often camouflaged with masks, overachievement, status, social media popularity, and the like. It is difficult to face your scars, reopen them, ask God for healing, forgive yourself and others, and MOVE ON! Many proclaim, “my past is the past” I beg to differ. There are some who were told that they were failures, hence the unconscious need to prove that they are successful. Others may have been abused, and struggle in relationships. Then there are those like myself that have an eclectic array of abuse, neglect, self-hatred, and etc. to fill the Grand Canyon.
I simply must get it out. I have to mull over those seemingly irrelevant details of my…
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I think this speaks to not just the abused, but many others as well.
“Seated Nude” by Amadeo Modigliani (1909), Source wikipaintings.org (PD – 100)
WARNING: Graphic Images
This skin suit that surrounds me, more wrinkled now than any “lawyer suit” I ever owned, is no longer smooth, no longer supple. It is marred by scars and stretch marks, like the tributaries of some ancient river; has been visited by varicosities, and callouses, hives, rashes, and eruptions too often to count.
But once this skin knew the joy of raindrops. Once it knew the fever that passion evokes.
This skin suit that envelopes me has been bruised, pierced, incised, and sutured; has been burned by the sun to a poison apple red.
This skin has been stroked and patted, been tenderly groomed, oh so tenderly violated, again and again and again and again – each cell silently screaming in protest, recoiling in horror.
This skin suit of mine has served as a witness to…
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