Monthly Archives: December 2016
Don’t be surprised if you find just the opposite extreme is true for you. We all react to our abusive past in a variety of ways.
One way to miss deadlines. Author Sugar Pond, Source Mess (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic ).
This post was written together with Marie Williams whose remarks are in italics. Marie blogs at Come Fly with Me, https://mariewilliams53.wordpress.com.
Sometimes it can seem that the world is against us. Wherever we turn, doors are shut to us. We can never catch a break; are never cut any slack; keep running into walls. We cannot find any support.
Sound familiar? Rejection rules the lives of abuse victims…or does it?
Certainly, rejection played a major role in our childhood. Let’s, however, turn that experience on its ear. Let’s instead ask ourselves the unthinkable, whether abuse victims are trained to seek out rejection.
Cruelty v. Kindness
“A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself” (Prov. 11: 17).
Treated cruelly in the past, abuse victims may tolerate cruelty from others…
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Oh how true this is! We are made in the image of Christ and that’s who we should immulate.
Most of us remember Silly Putty from childhood. A silicone-based toy, Silly Putty (trademarked by Crayola) could stretch, bounce, and replicate print images like those found in newspapers or comic books (today’s “graphic novels”).
Once removed from its protective shell, Silly Putty could be twisted and folded into a variety of shapes, and the images captured on it comically distorted. These properties still astound and delight children.
But to abuse victims, Silly Putty offers a caution.
All human beings – abuse victims included – need validation, confirmation that their thoughts and feelings are appropriate, and in line with reality. The need is part of what makes us human. However stoic we may imagine ourselves, we were engineered for connection to others.
When we are denied connection through abuse, our need for validation does not disappear. It intensifies.
Anxious to please, we may become putty in the hands of friends…
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Blue Christmas ornament, Author Kristina Servant, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/xkristinax/8230065092 (CC BY-2.0 Generic)
WARNING: Graphic Images
“I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me.”
– “Blue Christmas”, Elvis Presley
The holidays can be a difficult time for abuse victims, especially those of us suffering from depression. We cannot help but compare the idealized scenes of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Diwali festivities with our own childhood experiences.
Even the “best” of holiday gatherings may have been rife with tension. All too often, there was little to be joyful about.
Children in dysfunctional homes do not receive the care and attention they deserve. Through no fault of their own, they may become the targets of their parents’ rage or neglect.
There are numerous reasons for this . …
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