It is atrocious what some have had done to them by those we love and are supposed to love us as Christ loves us. The stories are many and some are so horrid that they cannot be told. This is a fallen world and it is only by the Grace of God that any us that have experienced those childhood horrors have survived.
As children we were the victims of unspeakable evil but as adults we are left with the issues of guilt and shame. (along with many other issues) Guilt because we were blamed. “If you hadn’t done….” “If you had listened to me….” “I’m doing this because I love you” “I’m doing this for your own good.” “It’s our secret.” “You told! Now look what happened!” The blame comes in many forms.
I ask you this question – how is a child to defend herself/himself? We are taught that the adults are right. We are taught to obey regardless of what is being done. And yet a small child is blamed for all the evil that is being perpetrated upon his or her small body, mind, and soul. How could we defend ourselves? When we asked and was ignored, what is a child to do? When we are forced to keep silent, through threats, what can a child do?
The shame comes from what has been instilled by God in every human being; right and wrong. There is a deep sense within us that says what is being done to us at this early age is wrong! Yet we are told “we like it” or we are once again blamed is some other fashion. The perpetrator ALWAYS blames and places the guilt upon the victim! If at some point our minds are screaming to stop, go away, stop hurting me, and our body responds with pleasure we immediately feel great shame. That shame can turn to hating the body that God created. Then we feel even more shame because we could not control what God gave us. It’s a vicious cycle and can create all sorts of emotional problems.
There are many issues that we adults must overcome in order to be all that God created us to be. Unforgiveness is a big one. We want revenge! We want to hate the one/s who did this to us. We hate what they did! We want them to suffer just like we did! And yes, at times we want them to PAY!
So how do we heal from all that was done physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually? How do we overcome our hatred and anger? How do we forgive when the atrocities have left such deep bleeding wounds in our heart, mind, and soul? How do we heal and what is healing?
Let me use an example here. A small dog has been beaten to an inch within its life. It has been starved, locked outside in the heat and the cold with no food or water. It has been used as a battering ram by some evil person. Someone who devalues what God created. Someone comes along and sees the dog and rescues it. The dog is fed, watered, nurtured and loved back to life. It now looks healthy and happy. It’s filled with love and joy for the one who rescued it. But raise a fist in anger and it will shrink. It hasn’t forgotten the past.
That’s what abuse does to us. Evil entered our bedrooms (or wherever the abuse took place) and someone who devalued what God created broke us down and used us for their own sick purposes. Christ, our Rescuer, comes along and if we let Him He will nurture us and restore us but we have to trust Him. The little dog trusted his rescuer and became healthy and happy. We have to trust our Rescuer! We have to seek Him for our healing. We cannot do it alone. Like the little dog we have no hope of overcoming the abuse until our Rescuer lifts us up in His arms and says, “I love you and I’m here to help you.”
Healing is being the broken, beaten down, no hope, filled with anger and hatred and an unforgiving person to becoming the person that is not knocked to their knees with the pain of the past. Healing is confronting the issues from the past head on and not pushing them aside and walking through life like a zombie! Healing is becoming the person that can hold her head up and testify to having been abused without shame and guilt! Healing is being able to tell the world, “I was sexually abused and the Lord God Almighty brought me through it. He helped me to survive what was done to me, and I can stand here and tell you that I am NOT ASHAMED!”
It takes guts! It takes counseling! It takes fortitude to face the pain of the past! It takes perseverance! It takes a lot of prayer! It takes replacing the lies with God’s truth! It takes Christ shining His big “flashlight” within us and exposing the deep wounds! It takes learning who we are in Christ and rebuking the lies of being less than! It takes tears of cleansing! It takes time! It takes being able to forgive! And above all – it takes walking hand in hand with Christ our Savior the full length of the path to recovering and overcoming what was done to us. It takes trusting Him for our healing!
Healing does not mean we suddenly have amnesia and the past is forgotten. We may still feel sadness or anger on occasion. What was done to us was not fair and we didn’t deserve it. We may on occasion grieve our lost childhood for a moment and we may reflect on our past but – Healing means we are no longer crippled by our past.
Healing means that you will be able to stand tall and feel clean and whole and loved.
Take heart,” daughter,” He said, “your faith has healed you” Matthew 9:22
Feel free to e-mail me any confidential questions or comments at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Blessings to you.