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Monthly Archives: June 2015

Feeling Fearful?

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Sue's Pen 2 Paper Blog

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2Tim. 1:7

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear; because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 Jn. 4:18

“He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Ps. 91:1

“There shall be no evil befall you, neither shall any plaque come near your dwelling. For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.” Ps. 91:10-11

“Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of desolation of the wicked, when it comes. For the Lord shall be your confidence, and shall keep your foot from being taken.” Prov. 3:25-26

“In God I put my trust; I will not be afraid what man…

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The Marriage Bed – A Testimony

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Written by Kay – Angels by Grace Pub. – May 1997


“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled;” Hebrews 13:4

The Lord had to teach me what this verse meant, and how making love to my husband is holy, clean, and ordained by God.

I had some very misconstrued ideas about this subject. Such as; you do not make love with the lights on! You have to be quiet! You do not enjoy it, you endure it! You do not pursue or instigate sex, and you never, never, never, ever make love on Sunday!

Do any of these statements sound familiar? It was very hard for me to believe that God had anything to do with sex. I was wrong.

God, by His grace and through the Holy Spirit, revealed His word to me. How He created man and women to be one, both physically and spiritually. To enjoy the blessing that He intended for marriage.  He revealed that making love to my husband was not just a physical act, but a spiritual experience. My learning this did not happen over night. It took time for His word to get into my heart, mind, and soul.

He led me to read, “Song of Solomon” and other portions of scripture that deals with the marriage relationship. I prayed that God would change the way I thought and believed. I asked Him to help me be the wife that He created me to be, and I also asked that I would desire my husband, and love him with God’s unconditional love.

Before my husband would come home I would start thinking good thoughts about him. Because my thoughts would tend to wander when we were making love, I would have to focus on what the Word said and on my husband. It wasn’t easy at first. But the more I tried it, the easier it got. The Lord did a tremendous healing in me. I am very grateful that He has opened my eyes to see His truth.

Are you experiencing problems in the marriage bed? Are you missing out on the blessings and promises of God? My prayer for you is that you will allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the healing power of God’s Word. Then you will begin to enjoy the beautiful blessings of making love to your mate. remember that what He will do for one, He will do for another.


Blessings to you.

Feeling Discouraged?

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Sue's Pen 2 Paper Blog

Image result for cartoon - feeling discouraged

I am feeling this today for it is one of the saddest days in American history. The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of gay “marriage.” Romans 1:26-27 God has called homosexuality “degrading their bodies, shameful lusts, unnatural relations, indecent acts, perversion and debrived minds.” And yet unrighteous people have said it’s okay and is now the law of the land. I need these scriptures today for my heart is very heavy. I must continually remind myself of who our Almighty God is and try to stay focused on Him. Man can do what they want but God is still in control. Amen.


“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me, You shall stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me.” Ps. 138:7

“Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in…

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Frame it – Hang it on your Mirror

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They have greatly oppressed me

from my youth,

But they have not

gained victory

over me.”


Blessings to you.

Is it all for Naught?

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Sue's Pen 2 Paper Blog


What is it that we spend our lives striving for?

Is it the success of having those things

that last but a short time?

We reach for the moon and fall short,

only to feel as though we have failed.

He who is on high gives us His will,

gives us His direction,

and tells us what to strive for.

If our sights are set on earthly things

our heavenly life can be jeopardized.

For as we search for fulfillment here,

through work, play, and others,

we are blinded to the great rewards

our heavenly Father promises. 

He who is on high lovingly requests

we reach for His truth.

For it is His truth

and love

that sustains,

fills us with


and completeness.


reach for His life

and He will give you life,

forever more.

The Holy Spirit

Blessings to you.  

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What is Healing?

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It is atrocious what some have had done to them by those we love and are supposed to love us as Christ loves us. The stories are many and some are so horrid that they cannot be told. This is a fallen world and it is only by the Grace of God that any us that have experienced those childhood horrors have survived.

As children we were the victims of unspeakable evil but as adults we are left with the issues of guilt and shame. (along with many other issues) Guilt because we were blamed. “If you hadn’t done….” “If you had listened to me….” “I’m doing this because I love you” “I’m doing this for your own good.” “It’s our secret.” “You told! Now look what happened!” The blame comes in many forms.

I ask you this question – how is a child to defend herself/himself? We are taught that the adults are right. We are taught to obey regardless of what is being done. And yet a small child is blamed for all the evil that is being perpetrated upon his or her small body, mind, and soul. How could we defend ourselves? When we asked and was ignored, what is a child to do? When we are forced to keep silent, through threats, what can a child do?

The shame comes from what has been instilled by God in every human being; right and wrong. There is a deep sense within us that says what is being done to us at this early age is wrong! Yet we are told “we like it” or we are once again blamed is some other fashion. The perpetrator ALWAYS blames and places the guilt upon the victim! If at some point our minds are screaming to stop, go away, stop hurting me, and our body responds with pleasure we immediately feel great shame. That shame can turn to hating the body that God created. Then we feel even more shame because we could not control what God gave us. It’s a vicious cycle and can create all sorts of emotional problems.

There are many issues that we adults must overcome in order to be all that God created us to be. Unforgiveness is a big one. We want revenge! We want to hate the one/s who did this to us. We hate what they did! We want them to suffer just like we did! And yes, at times we want them to PAY!

So how do we heal from all that was done physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually? How do we overcome our hatred and anger? How do we forgive when the atrocities have left such deep bleeding wounds in our heart, mind, and soul? How do we heal and what is healing?

Let me use an example here. A small dog has been beaten to an inch within its life. It has been starved, locked outside in the heat and the cold with no food or water. It has been used as a battering ram by some evil person.  Someone who devalues what God created. Someone comes along and sees the dog and rescues it. The dog is fed, watered, nurtured and loved back to life. It now looks healthy and happy. It’s filled with love and joy for the one who rescued it. But raise a fist in anger and it will shrink. It hasn’t forgotten the past.

That’s what abuse does to us. Evil entered our bedrooms (or wherever the abuse took place) and someone who devalued what God created broke us down and used us for their own sick purposes. Christ, our Rescuer, comes along and if we let Him He will nurture us and restore us but we have to trust Him. The little dog trusted his rescuer and became healthy and happy. We have to trust our Rescuer! We have to seek Him for our healing. We cannot do it alone. Like the little dog we have no hope of overcoming the abuse until our Rescuer lifts us up in His arms and says, “I love you and I’m here to help you.”

Healing is being the broken, beaten down, no hope, filled with anger and hatred and an unforgiving person to becoming the person that is not knocked to their knees with the pain of the past. Healing is confronting the issues from the past head on and not pushing them aside and walking through life like a zombie! Healing is becoming the person that can hold her head up and testify to having been abused without shame and guilt! Healing is being able to tell the world, “I was sexually abused and the Lord God Almighty brought me through it. He helped me to survive what was done to me, and I can stand here and tell you that I am NOT ASHAMED!”

It takes guts! It takes counseling! It takes fortitude to face the pain of the past! It takes perseverance! It takes a lot of prayer! It takes replacing the lies with God’s truth! It takes Christ shining His big “flashlight” within us and exposing the deep wounds! It takes learning who we are in Christ and rebuking the lies of being less than!  It takes tears of cleansing! It takes time! It takes being able to forgive! And above all – it takes walking hand in hand with Christ our Savior the full length of the path to recovering and overcoming what was done to us. It takes trusting Him for our healing!

Healing does not mean we suddenly have amnesia and the past is forgotten. We may still feel sadness or anger on occasion. What was done to us was not fair and we didn’t deserve it. We may on occasion grieve our lost childhood for a moment and we may reflect on our past but –  Healing means we are no longer crippled by our past.

Healing means that you will be able to stand tall and feel clean and whole and loved.

Take heart,” daughter,” He said, “your faith has healed you” Matthew 9:22


Feel free to e-mail me any confidential questions or comments at:

Blessings to you.

1997 – 40 Million Plus

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These statistics were taken from RENEW HOPE FOR VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE. By Robert S. McGee and Harry Schaumburg.


40 Million individuals have been victims of sexual abuse.

35% of all women have been abused.

Sexual abuse will probably increase in the future because of several factors:

1. Child pornography is a growing industry.

2. Step-families are increasing and in which a child is 8 times more likely to be abused. 17% of those raised by a step-father will be abused before age 14 as opposed to 2% raised by a biological father.

3. Numbers of untreated childhood sexual abuse victims may contribute to a growth in sexual abuse cases. 46% of imprisoned sex offenders who show a persistent, exclusive preference for children, were themselves sexually molested as children.

In one treatment program for compulsive sexual behavior 83% reported being victims of sexual abuse.


I’m sure the statistics for today are even more staggering! Pornography is definitely a way of life for many, human trafficing is unbelievably real, blended families have increased, Petophiles inundate the websites and chat rooms. Our world has not gotten better since 1997. May God protect our children.

Blessings to you.

Was it Abuse? – A Testimony

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Written by “Your Sister in Christ” – Angels by Grace Pub.  April 1997


You know for the longest time I was in denial of what took place in my childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t block it from my mind and make believe it never happened.

Unfortunately those memories are still very vivid and when I least expect it they replay themselves. To cope with the confusion and awkward feelings though, I began to question the memories. In turn, without realizing it, I was excusing the offender’s actions.

I asked myself over and over, “Was it really abuse? I didn’t lose my virginity! Was it really abuse? I don’t think it happened that often, I can’t remember! Was it really abuse? Abuse sounds so horrible!”

Yes! It was sexual abuse! Just because my story is not as tragic as some, it does not make it insignificant. I was violated and taken advantage of as a child and scars were left.

Abuse is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as: :To maltreat; to misuse; to use with bad motives or to wrong purposes. To violate; to defile.” Well guess what? Here are the answers for the questions above; it was wrong for me to be “touched” as a child.

It does not matter whether I had lost my virginity or not. It does not matter how many times it happened, once is enough to leave scars. It matters that a child’s innocence was violated.

We need to realize that sexual abuse comes in many different ways. It’s not always a rape, or a pattern established by the offender that is repeated numerous times.

I believe the majority of women have experienced, at one time or another, some type of sexual abuse. We need to stop making excuses for our offenders. Those people who by their un-Godly actions have contributed negatively to our character.

The good news ladies and gentlemen is that in Christ we become a new creation! So, I commend you all for your courage to speak up and speak out. You are triumphant! You have reached so many, including myself.

I have begun to read this magazine (Angels by Grace) on a regular basis and your poems and stories of success are an inspiration. Continue the good work!


FOR FURTHER INFO. ABOUT WHAT SEXUAL ABUSE IS GO TO MY POST: “What is Sexual Abuse?” 6-30-14 It’s in my archives.

Blessings to you.

Will the REAL ME please step forward? – Multiple Personality Disorder/ D.I.D.

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“…I will rescue him; I will protect him…I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him and show him My salvation.” Ps.91:14-16

The Lord our God said that He knows every hair on our head, that He values us more than even the birds of the air, and that He knew us before we were even born. He created us as special, as like no other, yet in His image. He knows what we will face in this life before we even leave the womb.

God has given every person defense mechanisms to help us guard against atrocities and tragedies that can happen in life. We commonly think of denial when speaking of defense mechanisms. If we deny something long enough we can actually believe it never happened. This is very common in sexual abuse cases. Of course there are many other defense mechanisms that we can/do use. One being multiple personalities.

As children many of us have created “secret friends.” Playmates that do not exist yet if asked the child will insist they exist. When the child gets tired of them or matures out of the stage of needing a “secret friend” the “friend” disappears.

How do I know these personalities are real?

Multiplicity is a defense mechanism that God gave some to be able to survive the horrific childhood abuse they are being subjected to. It is hard to believe for those with M.P.D. to consider this as a gift from God, but in reality it most definitely is! The personalities are created to protect the core child from complete insanity. They are not make believe! The child doesn’t even know they have been created until the Lord deems it time for healing to begin. They can not be wished away or out grown like a childhood “secret friend.” They are the child’s actual memories of past events. 

How do I know I’m not making this up? 

Other personalities, “Alters”, can not be created on a whim! Again, they are not “secret friends.” It is impossible to create alters without traumatic events having had occurred. There has to be extended emotional trauma, traumatic events that take place in early childhood for alters to be formed. We form our personalities between birth and age five. A child that young is not equipped emotionally to be able to handle trauma. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse is traumatic to a child! If there is no one the child can seek help from, go to for love and comfort and safety they must deal with the trauma within themselves. They have no recourse because protection has been withheld. If his/her personality has not yet been firmly established other personalities may be the recourse the Lord uses against the abuse he/she is experiencing.

 What do the personalities do?

The main purpose is to protect the core child’s emotional stability. The core child is the child that God created, lived in the mother’s womb, and was delivered into the world. He/she was created in God’s image; to love and be loved. When abuse robs the child of being loved as God created her to be and that is replaced with severe extended abuse the personalities that are formed takes the pain, the anger, the guilt, the shame, the confusion, and all that the child is experiencing both physically and emotionally. It is as though the core child is safely hidden away and the alters take over and are living the life that the core child would live. One personality may experience the child being raped, another will experience the guilt and blame put on her by the abuser or co-conspiritor. Another may  be one who denies “Daddy did that.” It is as though there are many people in a room. Each of those people has a personality. Some may be serious, others fun loving, others studious and so on. It is the same with multiple personalities. But with this disorder each personality has a specific purpose, protect the core child in whatever way works!

My family says I’m lying. Who do I believe? 

Many families will deny the abuse as their way of not having to deal with it. Mom may have been sexually abused herself and can’t cope with what it stirs up in her. She may be an actual participant in the abuse and knows they can go to jail. The abuser most always denies his guilt. There are many reasons behind the denial of abuse happening to a child. I do not excuse any of them! There’s no excuse as far as I’m concerned for a parent to ignore a child’s cry for help. Not even, “I didn’t know.” There’s just too many signs that lead to at least suspicion of something being wrong.

PRAY. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth of your past to you. You can ask around and see if Auntie so and so knows something or if other children in the family were also being abused. Someone knows something but most of all, you know within yourself that something happened even if you do not recall the details. Seek counseling.

Can Satan create alters? 

Simply put – yes! This is common within Satanic Ritual Abuse. They are created for the purpose of creating havoc,  to carry out Satan’s purposes, (not God’s), and to destroy the child emotionally as well as physically. Let me be clear here. This does NOT mean, or imply in any way, that a Christian is possessed by the devil!  God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Healer, not the devil! Satanic created alters is a whole other area that cannot be dealt with in this writing.

Can alters be influenced by demons?

Again, simply put – Yes! For the same purposes that Satanic personalities are created. “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” God enabled alters to be created to SAVE THE CHILD. Demonic influence is to DESTROY the child! Demons can pose as alters. (pretend to be an alter) Through prayer the demonic influence can be stopped! In some cases a very angry alter, an over the top kind of uncontrollable rage, is due to demonic influence. Suicidal alters are many times, if not always, being influenced by the dark side. Others may be influenced to vehemently deny the abuse has ever happened and accusations of being a liar, making it all up, name calling, etc. can come from this type of influence. Ask the Lord to put a hedge of protection around each alter and to bar any demonic influence. Expose the demon and its influence and it will leave, in Jesus name.

Why now? Why have they started coming out? 

I don’t want to speak for the Lord but probably because He has deemed it is time to face the past hurt. He did not create us to be abused or to have multiple personalities. He wants us to be all that He created us to be. That does not include a shattered and splintered psychy.

Many times people who have been sexually abused as children repress those memories. That’s a defense mechanism. Statistics have shown that those repressed memories will begin to surface around the age of 27 – 35. There are many factors or events that can trigger memories to begin to come forward. For an example, the birth of the first child. Seeing another child being abused physically. Any number of events or circumstances than begin to trigger memories.

In multiplicity cases I firmly believe it is in the Lord’s timing. The alters have done their job and it’s time for the core child, who is probably an adult now, to be brought out from hiding and begin to heal those deep wounds which will enable her to become whole and live a healthy, happy, and productive life.

Can alters communicate with each other?

Yes. Some will stay silent but others can be quite vocal. That’s why the person will at times hear arguing or “chit-chat” amongst them.

What does integration mean?

Integration is where the alter’s purpose is no longer needed by the core person and is “infused” into the core being. Some will just disappear where others will become a part of the healed core person who is now becoming one instead of remaining many. Some people I have ministered to have expressed a kind of grieving when an alter is integrated. Others have felt a slight sadness yet feel relieved because that alter has been healed of all his/her pain. One day the alter is there and the next she/he is no longer there. Integration, being healed of multiplicity, having no more alters, is the ultimate goal.  The core person may still have the talents, likes and dislikes, of some of the alters. Remember, alters are a part of the core person. It is the anger, shame, secrecy, deep seeded pain, etc. that has been healed. 

Can alters be saved? (asking Christ to be their Savior)

Yes. Alters are a part of the person. It is a very good idea to ask alters if he/she would like to ask Jesus into their heart. It may sound crazy but the more alters that “live for Christ” the better. Remember, alters are carrying the pain of the abuse. Christ is our Healer and will honor any who come to Him for healing and salvation.

The Healing Journey

The healing journey is a difficult one to put it mildly. Many fears, many tears, and many memories flow that need to be healed. No-one wants to have to accept they have been horribly abused but to be all that we were created to be the steps to wholeness must be taken. Abuse robbed the person of a whole childhood! Having multiple personalities can rob the core person of even those years of teen dances, getting married, staring into the eyes of his/her first born. Why? Because alters are the ones experiencing those first kisses, dances, wedding, and child birth. Multiple Personality Disorder saved the person from total mental collapse but wholeness will give him/her understanding and the freedom to live the rest of his/her life as the one God created for His joy and His purpose. The survivor can now fulfill his/her destiny with freedom from the past.

 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

Please feel free to e-mail me with any confidential questions or comments:

Blessings to you.

Unhelpful Myths About The Sexual Assault and Rape of Men

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