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Monthly Archives: May 2015

A Message to Someone Who is Hurting

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God is our hope for He brings the healing.

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

A message to someone who is hurting…
is all that I want to share.
For I know how you feel…
cause I have already been there.
I have felt the brokenness…
and feelings that I could not cope.
But God has His Hands on you…
so don’t give up hope.

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HE LIFTS US UP: Angry With God?

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God won’t “zap” you with lightning if you admit you’re angry at Him. He’s so much bigger than your anger.

ChristianBlessings

Angry with God…
for unanswered prayers?
When everyone says He cares…
and He is always there.
Well, He loves us all…
and knows what’s in each heart.
So telling Him you are angry…
is a good place to start.

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Five Good Responses

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By the Georgia Counsel on Child Abuse

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If a child tells you that he/she has been abused, there are five important things to say during the initial conversation. These are:

1. I believe you

                 2. I am glad you told me.

                                            3. It is not your fault that this happened

                  4. (Sexual) abuse is wrong

                                    5. I will help you so that it will stop. 

The following are examples of possible ways to begin such a conversation. Use these only as a guide and adapt to fit your style of talking.

1.  I have been worried about you lately. Is there anything that you would like to talk about?

2.  Something seems to be bothering you. Would you like to talk so that I may help you?

3.  I have been able to help other children who have problems. If you would be willing to tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help you, too.

4. If a child asks you to promise not to tell anyone, it is important to let the child know that you are not   able to promise that right now, but that you do promise to help him/her in anyway you can.

5.  If a child describes a problem that is happening to a friend, ask him/her if anything like that has ever happened to you.

Responses to avoid:

1. Are you sure that is happening?

2. Are you telling me the truth?

3. Why are you telling me?

4. Let me know if it happens again.

5. Why didn’t you stop him? or What did you do to make this happen?

~~~~~~

http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Loving An Abuser Is Like Taking A Sugar Pill Laced With Arsenic

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Our testimonies is God’s way of reaching out to others to give them hope.

Voices In My Ear

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I’ve re-blogged this because so many survivors get caught up in this sort of behavior. Male and female. Christ can heal you!

ChristianBlessings

Voices In My Ear

It’s yet early in the morning and I’m wide awake
If I make the wrong choices my integrity’s at stake
As I sit at my computer I ponder with what to write
I hear a voice whispering come and look at my site
No one will know what do I have to loose
This voice keeps whispering let me help you choose
Everyone’s asleep now no one will know
I forget about the history that my computer will show
It will be my little secret who is it going to hurt
The voice keeps whispering come and look at this dirt
This voice keeps whispering come and take a peek
It’s pleasure that we’re after as we play hide and seek
I hear a softer voice whispering in my ear
Open up My Word it’s Me that you draw near
I now have two choices which…

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“But Why ME!?!?” – A Testimony

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Sue's Pen2PaperBlog

Written by Nancy – Angels’s by Grace Pub. – April 1997

“What’s that gray thing on the wall, Mom?”

“It’s the shadow of the green chair, Son.”

“What’s that big blue thing in those people’s back yard, Mom?”

“Why those guys have a swimming pool, Son.”

“Don’t cut your hair, Mom. It’s how I tell you apart from the other Moms.”

“Never, Son. I promise. I’ll never cut it. You’ll always find me in the way you recognize best.”

My son is legally blind. He has Cerebral Palsy and, though he walks, runs, jumps, and talks, it’s not quite the same as other kids. He never acknowledged his differences, not really. Oh, I talked to him about it. His young, little boys eyes would stare owlishly through his thick glasses and he would nod with great wisdom, but it never dawned on him until he reached the fifth grade.

That…

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Baggage we Carry

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BAGGAGE:

B –    Blame

A    – Anger

G    – Guilt

G   – God as Father

A    – Alone

G    – Given to experimentation (Drugs, Alcohol, etc.)

E    – Erratic Relationships

GOD HEALS!

H   – Hear the truth

E   – Expel bitterness

A    – Accept help

L    – Look for God

http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

http://www.suespen2paper.com   http://www.cybersupportgroup.org

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

Where’s our Linen Belt?

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Some may think this has nothing to do with child abuse but when people abuse children they are doing it through the influences from Satan not Christ. When we turn from God, as an individual or a nation, we are following Satan. There’s no in between. May our hearts turn to Christ and may His healing give us His peace, joy, and abundant life He promises.

Sue's Pen2PaperBlog

rameses_girdle

In Jeremiah 13:1 the Lord instructs Jeremiah, “Go buy a linen belt and put it around your waist, but do not let it touch the water.”  Now isn’t that kind of a strange request? Put on a linen belt but hey, don’t get it wet. Maybe because linen is a type of material that when wet will squeeze the daylights out of Jeremiah or become really itchy like wool. After all it was considered an “intimate” garment. It was worn like our underwear. But on the other hand maybe not. Maybe He had some other reason.

Jeremiah does as he’s told and then the Lord tells him to take the belt off and go bury it in Perath. Jeremiah had to be wondering what in the world is the Lord doing! First He has Jeremiah put the belt on, then take it off, and then go hide it! What? But Jeremiah…

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Creating a Helpmate Wasn’t as Easy as it Sounds.

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Sue's Pen2PaperBlog

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When God was creating mothers He was into His sixth day of overtime, when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around with this one.”

And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; have 180 movable parts, all replaceable. She has to run on black coffee and leftovers. She has to have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair, and she has to have six pairs of hands.”

The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands. No way!”

“Well, it’s not the hands that are causing Me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”

“That’s on the standard model? the angel asked.

The Lord nodded…

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I Never Felt Loved – A Testimony

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Written by Belinda – Angels by Grace Pub. March 1997

My abuse started around the age of eight or nine, by one of my closest Uncles. This Uncle was everybody’s dream father. He helped with homework, played sports, went swimming, fishing, and so on.

My Aunt treated me as if I were her own. She took me shopping and bought me things, helped me with homework, took me to church with all its activities, and she was teaching me about believing in God. I got Baptized, too.

Because my parents always fought, would separate and then get back together, I felt my Aunt and Uncle’s home was my safe haven. There was no fighting or hitting taking place. They ate dinner together, it was like a dream home where people were family. Then my Uncle started molesting me and that’s when everything went wrong.

My relationship changed with my Aunt, it wasn’t as strong any more. I was afraid she would figure out what my Uncle was doing. I feared going to their house and was afraid to go to sleep while there, or even go to the bathroom alone.

I seemed to be afraid of a lot of things, afraid someone would look in the window, afraid my Aunt would be angry at me and not love me any more. And my Uncle seemed like he didn’t care if he was caught. Yet I felt like I was the guilty one. Knowing the abuse was wrong but being scared people would blame me.

For a year and a half my Uncle grabbed, touched me in places he shouldn’t, as well as making sexual remarks. Then my father began abusing me and that lasted until I was fourteen years old.  My father seemed like he’d turned into this evil man. I couldn’t reason with him, no amount of crying or begging helped. It was like he had no feelings.

Some of my father’s abuse took place on his boat. Hundreds of happy people walking just feet from where he was abusing me and I’d think, “Why doesn’t someone stop! Somebody come in here and help me.” When it was over I hated walking outside because I felt like everyone knew what had just happened and I felt so embarrassed.

What I really can’t understand and what really hurts me is that my mother had caught him abusing me on two separate occasions. My grandmother had also caught him and merely said, “He’ll quit.” But he didn’t. That’s when I lost all hope and faith that he would ever be stopped. He did finally stop abusing me when he and my mother divorced, but then I guess I was in “shut down.” All my survivor skills kicked in and I no longer cried, no more begging, nothing mattered. I had been an A and B student, but I no longer cared for school. I hung out with older crowds, drank, stayed out all night. I thought there was only one way for the boys to like you.

I met the man I married and I suddenly felt loved. Of course I depended on him to make me happy because I didn’t know how to be happy. Some years into the marriage I suddenly didn’t want to be left alone, not even for him to go to work. I started remembering some of the things from the past and I was so unhappy. It was like nothing could make me happy!

I refused to face the past, thinking, “All that’s in the past, it isn’t happening now.” I was in big denial that the abuse was the cause of so many of my problems. I did start seeing a counselor but I continued to feel un-loved, out of place, unhappy, and that no-one cared for me.

I couldn’t make decisions, I felt like I was just floating through life with no purpose, just waiting for it all to end. I couldn’t accept that I was going to have to face my pain and it was almost un-thinkable that I would have to do just that.

I’d tell my counselor, “I’m not angry, I’m not hurt. I feel sorry for my abusers.” Recognizing my anger was real hard for me. I felt like it was betraying my family. My family didn’t deserve any anger from me! I’ve worked on many areas of hurt in counseling. One being, I couldn’t talk about this part of my life with my husband. I didn’t want to share or for him to know I had been abused. I fought with my feelings about not telling him, yet I felt my reasons were justified. What I really felt was that he wouldn’t love me any more if he knew.

My counselor told me many times, “Go home and talk with your husband about this.” My reply was always the same, “I can’t! I’d rather jump off a bridge!” But somehow she got us to go to family counseling and its been going well.  My husband is my number one supporter.

For so long I fought the feelings that would rise up in me and felt there was no hope of ever getting past the abusive past. I felt there was just too much damage done, but I was wrong. Therapy has been very helpful.

After a while I started noticing that I paid attention when God was mentioned. I’d even catch myself praying for His help and guidance. You see, I always said, “There can’t be a God. Why would He let it happen to little girls?” Then I’d think, “Okay, He let it happen, but why make me suffer and not them?” It seemed like I was the one being punished. But then one day I realized I was angry at God. I won’t say I’m completely happy with where I am with Him now, but I’m on the right road and still learning.

I met a lady during the time I was in the hospital and she and I became very good friends. We sat up and talked all night and once when I was really upset she said, “Belinda, you know Someone has been watching over you. Because if not you probably wouldn’t be around today.” That really sticks out to me. Now when things get tough and I don’t think I can go on I ask God to please help me and guide me. Then, somehow, I get through it and the next day is a little brighter.

I feel my accomplishments have been numerous. I no longer deny my feelings (most of the time.) I can at least identify them and can put some of the shame where it belongs. My relationship with my husband and children is much better. I try to listen to myself and believe my pain does exist and it’s okay to hurt. I have hope and I’m trying to find out who “me” is.

The most difficult part of healing for me right now is my relationship with my mother. I loved her so much and I just needed her to say, “Its going to be okay.” Instead, she refuses to accept that I didn’t want the abuse or the damage that the abuse has caused. That’s very hurtful for me. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen so I struggle with feelings of guilt, fearing I’m hurting my family. They believe, “It’s all in the past, so let it go.” That makes me feel alone and that my family doesn’t love me.

I try to remember that my husband and children do care and want me to heal. I have them. I’m working on issues of my family and those losses. Letting go of that fantasy family and childhood, yet realizing “normal family” can’t be.

If someone called me on the phone and asked for my advice, I’d tell them, “Don’t deny your feelings. Things will get better and easier. Follow your heart, you deserve healing.” And I would cry for them and just let them talk until they couldn’t talk any more. And I’d let them know Someone is watching over them.

My work has been hard and I know I have only one way to go. I would choose to heal again if I had to because I’m just getting a glimpse of who I really am. I know when I am through healing I’m finally free from my childhood and its pain. My husband, children, and I can truly be happy.

I’m working very hard on my relationship with God. I am forever grateful for the people who have helped me. My husband, for standing by me and not giving up. My best friend ____, who listened and pulled the truth from me. ____for all those encouraging talks, and the work that my counselor has done. For my angels, Sue and Kay, who took the time to help and understand. I look at them and think, “It does get better. They can laugh and smile and be themselves.” So they are a big inspiration.

I’ve always thought about angels and to me it seems kind of strange that I landed at Angels Group Support Group for help, and I’m receiving it. I’m hoping for everyone to receive the healing we all deserve. Keep me in your prayers as I’ll keep you in mine.

Belinda

~~~~~~~~

Note: With Belinda’s counselor and our support Belinda pressed charges against her abuser. He pled guilty and was sent to prison.

 

http://www.elahministries.com   http://www.facebook.com/elahministries

elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.