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Monthly Archives: March 2015

More Books to Help Survivors

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If Only – Moving Beyond Blame to Belief

David S. Seamands

Victor Books

The Search for Peace

Robert S. McGee & Donald W. Sapaugh

Servant Publications

Memory and Abuse – Remembering & Healing the effects of Trauma

Charles Whitfield, M.D.

Health Communications, Inc.

Haunted Memories – Healing the Pain of Childhood Abuse

Perry L. Draper

Fleming H. Revell/Baker Book House Co.

I Hate You! – Don’t Leave me. – Understanding the Borderline Personality

Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. & Hal Straus

Avon Books

Childhood’s Thief

Rose Mary Evans, M.S.W.

Bantam Books

Repressed Memories

Renee Fredickson, Ph.D.

Fireside Publishers

Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse (and workbook)

Carolyn Ains & Kay Toon

Where Was God When I Cried

Kay Twombley

Treasure House & Imprint of Destiny Image Publishers

Growth Through the Pain – The Incest survivor’s companion

Catherine Bronson

Simon & Schuster Publishers

Making Therapy Work

Fredda Buckner-Gordon, Barbara Kuerer-Gamgi, & Geraldine Urbach Wallman

Secret Survivor’s – Uncovering incest & it’s after effects in women.

E. Sue Blume

John Wiley & Son’s Publishers

The Healing Path – A guide for women rebuilding their lives after sexual abuse.

John P. Sprinter

Thomas Nelson Pub.

Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A healing program for those who have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused.

Steve Farmer

Ballintine Books

The Family Inside – Working with the Multiple

Doris Bryany, Judy Kessler, and Lynda Shirar

What Happens When we Pray For our Families

Evelyn Christensen

Victor Books

The Sexual Healing Journey

Wendy Maltz

Harper Perennial

Can I Look Now? Recovering from M.P.D.

R. Downing

Evers-Szostak, M & S Sanders

Journey from Betrayal to Trust

Beth Hedva, Ph.D.

Self Esteem

Virginia Satir

Love is Letting Go of Fear

Gerald Jampolsky, M.D.


I have not read all these books hence I cannot endorse all of these books. (Sue)

Blessings to you.

HE LIFTS US UP: Do Nothing… See Nothing… Hear Nothing… and Say Nothing?

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Most people have no earthly idea how abuse affects a child. It is a life time sentence of pain unless we allow the Lord to bring the healing. SPEAK UP.


These pictures are  so cute… but not when you put it under the reasoning of abuse.

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The Violet

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Sue's Pen 2 Paper Blog

Written by Karen Austin – Angels by Grace Pub. Aug. 2003


Beneath the hillside’s rocks and weeds

Competing for space with other seeds

A violet with tender, fragile shoots

Fights for a stronghold within the tangled roots

And as tiny leaves begin to form

Unprepared for the coming storm

A heavy darkness overcame and broke

The plant beneath the shadow of the Oak.


Crushed and spent by feet on the run

The violet turns its head to the rising sun.

And seeks the dew of each new morn

While hiding from its brother’s scorn.

A tethered flower not free to grow

As only its windswept friends could know

The plant gains strength from the world above

And repairs itself…except for love


And in its own appointed time

Recovers from the silent crime

It stands so quiet, brave and still

Rooted there against the hill

Borne on wings of…

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Angels by Grace

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1994 I was facilitating a new ministry the Lord put on my heart. “The Angel Group” was a support group for women who had been sexually abused as children. It was the only Christian based support group within several counties and we had women traveling several miles to attend. The need was, and still is great.

One morning the Lord woke me up out of a sound sleep and told me, “Get up! You’re going to publish a magazine.” I had no idea how to do that but as always the Lord is faithful to walk us through whatever He calls us to do. Standing at the kitchen table with Christ beside me we put together a small outreach publication for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. All submissions were by survivors. The publication started out with only 25 mailings and by the end of four and a half years it had crossed into several states and the hands of many, from hurting survivors to professionals, pastors and everyone in between. Any time we follow the calling of the Lord and do things His way we will be successful. Over the past several months, you my readers, have read several of those submissions.

Here is a letter to the Angel Ministry, now Elah Ministries, Inc., as an example of how reaching out can bring hope, healing, and deliverance to those who are hurting. I see our blogs, yours and mine, as an outreach ministry and regardless of whether you have comments at the end of your article or not, you are touching someone.


April 1998

Dear Angels of Angels by Grace and Angel Group:

I am a fellow “Angel” if you should call it that. Though I must confess it’s been years since I’ve felt like one. I write to you to praise, mainly because I’ve lived in this town for over ten years and your Angels by Grace magazine is the first outreach of support I’ve encountered in that time without seeking it out.

I wanted to let you know, that both witness and compassionate brothers and sisters in this healing journey that yes, you are reaching out indeed. Your magazine managed to reach its way into a secured building and guarded cell block in Douglas County jail, where myself and a handful of women have been blessed with the assurance that there are still people who care.

The other reason I wanted to send praise is on a more personal note. And actually, maybe it’s not so much praise for your work as it is a deep gratitude. I have been here a month and await my court date next week, concerning charges resulting from an addiction that I have.

The addiction in turn, results from years of traveling over, under, and around issues from eight years of sexual abuse as a child. The psychological and mental aspects of healing are nothing new to me. I’ve been through more forms of counseling than I care to disclose.

What is new to me though, is recognizing that no amount of medicine or counseling will help heal these buried hurts if I neglect to make my relationship with Jesus Christ a “constant” in that journey. I have been a born again Christian for seven years now, but oddly enough, that revelation has just occurred to me.

Receiving your magazine today made that possible by awakening a desire in me. A desire to examine my heart and surrender it to the Lord. I have realized that literally, it is too exhausting for me to carry the burdens any longer. I am now ready and willing to let God take them for me.

An added bonus, if you can call it that, is that I have taken the first step in overcoming my addiction and getting my life back on track. There is, most assuredly, a long road ahead for me. And it seems deeply overwhelming at times. I had thought, “there’s so much to do to begin really healing, make amends, forgive others, forgive myself, that I don’t know where to start.”

I do know now. I’ll start on my knees. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll try flat on my face and stomach. I’m learning to pray again and it’s wonderful. I am scared out of my wits when I think about what lies ahead. What I’ll find that I’ve been hiding away. I fear that maybe it will be to much to handle, but in my heart I know that’s just that scared little girl talking, who didn’t know Jesus.

The best part of all of this is that I’m a grown woman now, who knows and believes in Him. Satan, with all his manipulative demons, has no power here! Not in my days now.

I wanted to say to each of you that the lesson of the week for me has been to learn to take the promises of God as just that, Promises. Promises from One who would never forsake or break them. In 1Peter 5:10,11 it says, “The God of all grace, Who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself perfect, establish, strengthen and restore you. To Him be the power for ever and ever.” That’s a promise!

Thank you again for sending your love, even unbeknownst, to each of us here. You are in our prayers, and I ask that if you will, would you please remember to say a word for us? There is a magnitude of hurt and bitterness here the devil himself would back away from. I know that none of it can be cleansed without the power of God. Please pray for that power. Sending much love and thanks, and may God bless and keep you.  Alice.


Blessings to you.

Never Underestimate the Power within ME!

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Knowing who we are in Christ gives us His power to overcome.

Journey with God

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Never take your own revenge, beloved,
but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written,
“Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him,
And if he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will reap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
~ Romans 12:18-21 ~

Roaring lion

Though I am a Christian, that does mean I am perfect
Though I am naive at times, that does not mean I am weak
Though I am a peacekeeper, that does not mean I cannot make war
Though I am forgiving, that does not mean I will let you hurt me
Though I live in this world, that does not mean I am of…

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The Real Church

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Sue's Pen 2 Paper Blog


There are some who say

The church is a sacred place—

And to let my feelings show

Would be a real disgrace.


So as I dressed for church

And finished with my hair—

I glanced into the mirror

To be sure my mask was there.


I heard the Lord so gently

Speaking to my soul

“My child, I long to touch you—

I want to make you whole…”


“I brought you here today—

Not for you to hide—

But that others on life’s journey

Could help you see inside…


“In the world, it’s hard

To let the real you show—

But here, My child, you’re safe—

It’s where hurting people go.


I long to help you children—

That’s why My church was born—

Come unto Me, I’ll help you mend

When you feel tossed and torn…”


My tears began to flow—and

My mask slipped…

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Taking the First Step

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The door slides open easily and quietly and my eyes fall on a stack of fliers lying on the counter top. I walk slowly toward them, curiosity pulling me toward them. Picking one up and reading I see the bold imprint at the top.


If you were sexually abused as a child, let the Lord help you heal.

As though the paper is on fire I suddenly drop it. Quickly glancing around in hopes that no one has seen me. “No one knows” rushes through my mind as I rush out the door. Leaving the flier behind does not alleviate the nervousness I feel. For the rest of the day the words on the flier keep playing over and over in my mind. Finally I return and quickly grab a flier from the stack and stuff it in my purse.

That is how many women have started the healing process. The fliers I left in the church lobby were soon gone and the first meeting of the support group for women began. Many women had never told of the abuse they suffered as children. They had never sought counseling because to admit to the atrocities done to them as children was so filled with shame and guilt that to even whisper the words was more than they could bear. Without realizing it, the moment they picked up the flier was the beginning of their healing process. God met them at the door of the support group and from that first step inside He loved them to life.

Maybe God is calling you to begin a support group for hurting women in your area. If you’re interested and feel this is something the Lord is calling you to do I’ll be happy to help you get started. I led these support groups for 12 years and know that Christian based support groups are much needed. I know of none being held yet 1 in 3 women have been sexually abused as children.

Feel free to e-mail me at if interested.

Blessings to you.

“Had it not been for a Support Group…” A Testimony.

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Forgiveness is a Choice

Written by Jeri R.  Angels by Grace Pub. – July 2003

Had it not been for a support group I was a member of about a year ago, I probably would not be writing this testimony.

I can remember the day that I went to make arrangements to have chemo. I was on my way home from making the appointment when I suddenly thought, “I will call my mother as soon as I get home” and then the most overwhelming feeling passed over me. I can’t describe it.

I said to myself, as I drove on, “After all the things that she had done to my sister and I, regardless of how she always handled our situation, that I would never be able to discuss anything with her again.”

My mother handled the sexual abuse of my sister and I with denial and cursing us. She called us both liars and I finally gave up trying to talk to her about anything.

Driving along the road leading home from the doctors office I felt real sadness, realizing I couldn’t even tell her that I now have cancer.  I know that I would not have felt anything; good, bad, or indifferent about her had it not been for the teaching in the support group on forgiveness.

I will always be thankful to the leaders for showing me and others how important it is to forgive. I made a choice to finally forgive my mother after all these years the night of that teaching. With the love and support of the others in the group I forgave my mother and that forgiveness has lifted so much hurt from my heart.


NOTE: Jeri was in her late 70’s and was a very angry controlling woman when she was finally able to forgive. She called me the next morning yelling, “What did you do to me?!” Upon questioning her, her final reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone any more! What did you do to me!?” I smile remembering this beautiful woman.

Blessings to you.

Three Years and Counting

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I pray this helps others not only to better understand the pain but how the Lord will help to overcome it.

Isaiah 43:1


Today is a very special anniversary for me. Even as I write this, I hesitate to share it. It makes me nervous to think of my secret finally getting out there for all the world to see. But if I don’t share the pain of needing a deliverer, how will God be glorified?

So, here’s my confession: Three years ago today, I cut myself for the last time.

It started sometime when I was sixteen. Anxiety and self-loathing would build up in me until I was desperate for some sort of relief. It started with scratches from a pin and graduated from there. I had a pocket knife in my room that I brought out of hiding when I needed a distraction from the pain.

If you’ve never self-harmed (and I pray you never do) then it’s difficult to explain how it helped. It’s this release; an outer manifestation of…

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A testimonial letter to Jesus

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Dear Jesus:

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I haven’t wanted to talk to You most of the time during these past few weeks. I don’t feel close, yet I know You’re with me. I don’t want to open Your Word or even go to church. “Why?” keeps popping into my mind. Yet I don’t really care why.

I know I’m getting tired of feeling like this. I can’t work, I can’t do the hobbies I enjoy. I can’t serve You as I have in the past or as I should. It’s You that does these things through me. I know that. But I don’t even want to pray, Lord!

If I don’t care why, then why am I writing this? If this experience is to show me I can’t do anything without You, I already know that. I want to scream, “So what’s going on?” but I don’t want the answer, either. I’m messed up, Lord. I’m at a place I don’t remember being before I became a Christian. And yes, it’s very obvious that I’m operating out of the flesh. Part of me is screaming, “So what, I am human!”

I feel like I’m mad at You and I don’t know why. This feels like the time I was really hurting and You allowed me to go through that in front of others. Boy, was I a mess then! And I didn’t like that any more than I like this. I don’t see what the lesson is here. Are You using this experience as a lesson for someone else? I want to shout, “Where’s the lesson?” But I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

Choices? Consequences? You’ve led me to those type verses the few times I’ve opened Your Word this past few weeks. I did read them before I slammed the Bible closed. Is that what all of this is about? Are You showing me I do have choices? That the lost feeling that seems to permeate me now, comes from those choices?

Lord, there’s anger, frustration, agitation. All sorts of negative feelings swirling around inside me. Why? Where does it come from? I care – I don’t. I want – I don’t want. I even feel, “So what?” It’s all here inside me.

I guess it’s up to me now, right? I can ask for Your understanding, ask You, “Why?” Part of me doesn’t want to know. Doesn’t care. That doesn’t make sense, either. I know this relationship is team work. You and me have to work together to accomplish whatever we endeavor. This part of the team doesn’t seem to care any more. Yet, I do.

Instead of me “waiting on the Lord, ” I think You, Christ, are waiting on me. Waiting until I want Your help, want You as an intricate part of my life again. Which, by the way, I never understood anyway. I never deserved You in the first place. So where’d You go? How come You left?

Lord, I know You haven’t left. I have. And I don’t know how to get back. Or, if I want to. I gave You my life. You’re my Shepherd. Come find this lost lamb, ’cause I’m scared.

The answer I was given is found in John 1:48-51

Name withheld by request – Angels by Grace Pub. – April 1998


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Blessings to you.