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Fool Proofing your Relationships

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Written by Kelley – Angels by Grace Pub.  March 1998

Recently I attended a ladies seminar. The speaker was Jan Silvious and the topic was fool proofing your relationships. Through it God showed me how I had been a fool in my own life, convicted me, and showed me areas of my life that needed to be dealt with.

Jan told us the characteristics of a fool. (1) A lost person (unrepentant),  (2) One who has been hurt in life and has knarls (hard areas) to cover up the wound so no one will see the hurt, (3) always right, (4) angry, (5) verbally abusive, and (6) can be physically violent and that when it gets to that point, abandon ship!

Jan also shared with us God’s way in scripture for us to deal with fools. They are; (1) Forgive them, (2) pray for them, (3) feed them with a long-handled spoon.

This last point stems on the fact that you can’t trust them and therefore you can’t have a close relationship with them. You can interact as if you were encountering a stranger ( be cordial). The reason being, you can’t change them. Answering machines are a great way for dealing with fools. The point is, it is okay to distance yourself from them.

God showed me how I had been a fool in my own life. I went home knowing I had to confess it before the Lord. Also, He allowed me to realize that there were some fools in my life. That some of them I had taken the stand He wanted me to take. I knew the decision I made about not being a part of the abusive cycle in my family any more, was the decision He wanted me to make.

Jan also touched on how we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for the dirt, guilt, etc. that we feel stemming from the things that had been done to us. The only thing we can do is accept God’s forgiveness. That hit me hard!

God is taking me through the process of forgiving the one’s who have hurt me. In my inner world, my response to that statement was, “You mean I’m going to have to forgive all these other people who have hurt me? I can’t even forgive myself (get rid of the shame, guilt, dirty feeling, etc. that I feel!) I would have gladly given the door prize I won in the Seminar back if it would rid me of the guilt and shame.

One of my mother’s favorite sayings is, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” I have fought that statement by mentally thinking it a spiritual clean, not a physical clean. I have never felt clean enough to come into God’s presence. My mother’s statement kept coming to mind. And because of this I could see myself cutting my wrists in the effort to become clean. Fortunately, God has allowed me to know that Calvary is the only solution. By cutting my wrists was not the answer. It wouldn’t work.

I didn’t try to cut my wrists. Instead I carried out my part of the promise to my counselor, which was to beep her if I was in a crisis.  Unbeknownst to me, her beeper malfunctioned and she was unable to respond. I called a friend.

In the conversation with my friend she prayed with me, showed me how I must give my guilt, shame, and feelings of being dirty to the Lord. As a result I gave all my shame, guilt, and feelings of being dirty to the Lord. I haven’t felt the same since!

Because these sins are gone I have kind of an empty feeling. Yet I know that Christ fills those spaces with His love. I have a lot to praise God for. One thing is when I received a copy of a story entitled “Obstacles or Opportunities.” It said that when a person spilled tea it leaves an ugly stain. The artist took out a crayon and made a beautiful picture of a buck ( male deer) out of the ugly stain. The point is, in being God’s woman (saved), He can take something ugly or the uglies of my life and make something beautiful out of it. My part is standing on His promises in His strength even when I don’t want to exist or deal with anything any more because the battle is tough.

I see how God has carried out the point of the story and made something beautiful out of the ugly. My flesh would love to say, “Well, He should have, because He owes me!” However, the truth is He doesn’t owe me anything! He does it because He loves me! He loves you and He can do the same things for you if you will let Him. Are you willing? It won’t be easy but, He will carry you through it!


Blessings to you.


About Sue Cass

Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I am the founder and C.E.O. of Elah Ministries, Inc. A non-profit 501c3 ministry that offers hope, healing, and deliverance to hurting souls. Elah Ministries, Inc. is supported strictly by donations and the proceeds from the sale of my nine published books; both fiction and non-fiction. I hope this ministry and my books draws people closer to our Lord Jesus Christ.

5 responses »

  1. Thanks for sharing that message and your story Sue!
    God’s goodness is so evident in your testimony! Praise God!


    • Hi Rolain:
      That isn’t my testimony. It was written by someone else for publication in the Angel’s by Grace Publication I used to do. The Publication went to several different people and offices, as well as jails and youth detention centers in different states around the U.S.A. God’s goodness is shown in so many testimonies and that’s why testimonies are so important. Thanks for your support for this ministry and I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Have a blessed week.


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