After several years of depressive states, thoughts of suicide, a self image that was barely floor level, and a feeling of being totally and completely alone with years of going in and out of therapy I was sent into an abyss so dark and deep I thought I would never see the light of day ever again.
Then, what I thought was the worst happened. I was diagnosed as a multiple personality. In layman terms, I had all these “Little people” running around inside my brain. I was nuts! Or thought I was. Because so little was known about Multiples I began to devour any information I could about my disorder. I tried to prove my therapist wrong. I tried to deny it within myself. I was wrong on both counts. Everything fit! And when the “others” began to speak through me, out my mouth, I could no longer deny the truth.
The memories from the past poured forth. The horrors of a life time could not be denied, particularly when my abuser admitted it was all true. Believe me this was not an easy trip to take. I was not a Christian. I wasn’t even sure there was a God. If there was, He sure didn’t like me. At least I didn’t think so.
Then, as though I didn’t have enough to handle with all these “others.” My husband passed away. Now I knew God didn’t like me! Wrong again. I found myself before a Minister. God had just picked me up and plunked me down before His alter. I didn’t know why I was there or what was going on. But I found myself accepting Christ into my life. I was at the bottom. I was not only broken but I had nothing to live for. A dead husband and when I had started asking my family questions about my past some got rather hostile because I was exposing the abuse. I felt my only road was straight to hell with a gun at my head. (I’m very serious.)
God had other plans for me, unbeknownst to me. Within days after I was saved Christ began to reveal what really happened that caused me to be Multiple. What His truths were about it. It not only explained the unanswered questions but shed light on why things happened. He did this over a period of time.
Over the past year my life has taken a complete turn for the better. Before, all I could think of was how I wanted to die, to be rid of these voices coming out of my mouth, how I wanted to be with the only person I felt ever loved me and now was dead. I wanted to be dead! Christ said, “NO!” He said the old me would die, but I would be healed of those wounds and made new.
I am new! I have a whole new life and that’s certainly new for me. I study and try to learn what God has been trying to get through my thick head for years, as I walked away. His path will lead you in directions that only He knows where. If you listen – If you pay attention – If you are obedient to what He tells you – If you pray from your heart and soul……………. YOU WILL BE HEALED. I was multiple and now I’m not.
Christ’s miracles are there if you ask Him. This is my true, short version, story.
Name withheld by request. – Angels by Grace – Nov. 1994
If you have confidential comments/questions feel free to e-mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Blessings to you.