In this 48th year of mine I have survived sexual abuse, depression, 2 teenage girls simultaneously, 1 ten year old boy on Ritalin, 27 years of marriage, remembering the abuse just 3 years ago, constant therapy (I’ve been IN therapy longer than most of my therapists!) but what I want to know is will I survive menopause?
I’ve been working up to this for a couple of years but it has recently hit hard. Last week I was in our first ladies meeting of the year at church and really enjoying the speaker when suddenly all I could think about was ripping all my clothes off and pouring ice water all over myself! I’ve read about this but never have so clearly experienced it.
Eventually, I had to get up and leave the meeting, a big no-no, especially at small group church functions, but what was I to do? My underwear was wet! I drove home with the windows down, it was about 40 degrees that night and hopped immediately into a cold shower. And I thought men were the only ones who needed cold showers! Whew!
This is something new for someone who has dressed in thermals for years. I’m saving a lot on our heating bill because I’m just not running the furnace during the day. And this is during our recent cold snap and snowy weather – a thoroughly enjoyable experience for me. Who needs a coat when the wind chill is -15? Just step outside and revel in the ultimate comfort zone!
Along with a new appreciation of below zero wind chill factors has come a spurt of mania for me. The years of depression have kept me in bed, on the couch, or in the hospital most of my life. Evidently, my body chemistry is changing completely. There are several cases of manic-depression in my family history and it looks like that is what I am going into. It’s a real switch for me to have this energy level. My psychiatrist (who is younger than me and doesn’t know near as much as I do about anything!) is switching my meds which is helping my constant buzzing around and inability to relax.
You want to see a clean house? After years of contention with my husband over the lack of organization around here (that’s dirt and constant clutter) he is pleased as punch over my new disorder – compulsive cleanitus! I’m talking shining toilets, dishes always done and the dishwasher emptied – a first in my lifetime. Beds are made, laundry finished and PUT AWAY IN DRAWERS THAT ARE NEATLY ORGANIZED, carpets vacuumed daily – sometimes twice when I forget that I already did it earlier, animals cages cleaned, pantry organized, all the crumbs out of the silverware drawer – the list goes on and on! I’ve actually thought about starting a maid service so I can get paid for some of this!
Well, just praise the Lord! He is truly restoring the years of the locust that were stolen from me and my family. He brought me through the depression and revealed the core of it through my memories. If I can survive that I can surely survive menopause! After all, He created this stage of our lives, too so He will provide the means to be in public places without ripping our clothes off! Bless His Holy Name. It really is kinda funny once I get into the cold shower and can think straight again! Meanwhile, my home is clean and my husband is very pleased.
God bless you all, whatever your body temperature. We are survivors!
Written by Sally – Angels by Grace – Feb. 1996
Blessings to you.