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Monthly Archives: August 2014

My Savior meets me there

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When all my strength has faltered

And I’m cast down in defeat

When I can no longer carry

The weight of guilt and self-defeat.

When all the dreams I’ve cherished

Are in a heap of despair

And all the hopes I’ve believed in

Amount only to despair,

My Savior meets me there.

For His strength is perfect

When mine comes to an end

He cleans the ugly wounds of sin

And then my heart He starts to mend.

I can’t always hear His voice

Nor with my vision see

But I know He’s always with me

Because He said He’d be.

So I trust Christ with my brokenness

Kneeling on my knees

And I find that I am lifted there

And the chains are broken free.

Then I can face the enemy

And say “All you have are lies”

And know the lies cannot destroy me

Because the Truth is on my side.

~~~~~

By R.M.L. Angels by Grace April 1996

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Blessings to you.

Sexual abuse & false beliefs

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Beliefs can be verbally taught or non-verbally taught.  As children we believe what adults communicate to us. They are “big people and they know!” So is it any wonder that we, as adults, may still have some of those false beliefs that were communicated to us through an abusive childhood? I know of no-one who has been abused that were not told, in some fashion, that it was their fault. It doesn’t matter if you were an infant or a teen, the abuser always blames the victim! It is because of these false beliefs that we speak, respond, and behave in certain ways.

“You need to realize where your emotions and actions come from. Jesus said, Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. (Matt. 12:34, KJV). In other words, our communication (which reveals our thoughts, emotions, and the intent of our actions) comes from our hearts (our belief system). Because every situation in our lives is interpreted by what we believe, our belief system, not the situation, is the key to our response!” *

We need to be able to identify those false beliefs, reject them, and replace them with God’s truth.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you and ask Him to reveal to you where that belief originated.

Assignment:

Circle the false beliefs listed that you feel reflect your thinking. Write in what God says about that.  Add any more at the bottom that you feel are not on the list. **

1. Example – I was a bad child. – Truth: I am God’s child. He doesn’t make “bad kids.”

2. The abuse was my fault.

3. Since the abuse was my fault, I deserve the punishment.

4. I don’t measure up.

5. I am a failure.

6. I am not good enough.

7. I must not fail.

8. Trusting people is dangerous.

9. I must not get to close to people.

10. Feelings are bad.

11. I must not show my feelings.

12. People are no good.

13. I am no good.

14. Everything wrong in my life is their fault.

15. If I make myself sexually unappealing I can avoid other abuse.

16. Sexual contact is the only way to get my needs met.

17. My body is disgusting.

18. I hate my body.

19. I can’t be without him, no one will ever need me as much.

20. I must protect everyone – mother, father, family, etc.

21. Sex makes no sense.

22. – 25

~~~~~

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

Suggested reading:

Available at Amazon.comProduct Details

 

* The Complete Search for Significance – Robert S. McGee -Page 413

** Search for Significance workbook –  Robert S. McGee

 

NOTE: Praise the Lord! The assignment from the post, “Held in Bondage by being silent” has produced some rewarding breakthroughs. Two abusers have been confronted through the letters written (not sent) and the survivors was able to forgive. These assignments will help if they are completed. All praise, honor, and glory goes to the Lord.

 

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Blessings to you.

Dispelling stinkin’ thinking

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Our thinking          

                       His promise

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It’s impossible.

All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

I’m too tired.

       I will give you rest. (Matt. 11:28-30)

Nobody really loves me.

       I love you. (John 3:16)

I can’t go on.

       My grace is sufficient. (2Cor. 12:9)

I can’t figure things out.

      I will direct your steps. (Prov. 20:24)

I can’t do it.

      You can do all things. (Phil.4:13)

I’m not able.

      I am able. ( 2Cor.9:8)

It’s not worth it.

      It will be worth it. (Rom. 8:28)

I can’t forgive myself.

      I forgive you. (John 1:3) (Rom. 8:1)

I can’t manage.

      I will supply all your need. (Phil 4:19)

I’m afraid.

      I have not given you a spirit of fear. (2Tim. 1:7)

I’m always worried and frustrated.

      Cast all your care on Me. (1Pet.5:7)

I haven’t enough faith.

       I’ve given everyone a measure of faith. (Rom. 12:8)

I’m not smart enough.

      I give you wisdom. (1Cor. 1:30)

I feel so alone.

      I will never leave you or forsake you. (Heb.13:5)

~~~~~

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Blessings to you.

 

We Can Overcome!

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Healing doesn’t mean

the damage never

existed.

It means the 

damage no longer

controls our lives. 

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Ro. 12:2

 

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Blessings to you.

Held in bondage by being silent

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So many times we do not have the opportunity to tell someone that we love them, we forgive them for all the hurt they have caused us or what we’re going through.  We have thoughts that we’ve never put into words. Regardless of whether they hear us or not we still have an opportunity to say the things we want to say.

When my husband was sick and dying I had every opportunity to tell him those things that I felt in my heart, and I did. In my post, “Confronting your abuser” I tell how I was given the opportunity to confront my Dad about the years of abuse he inflicted upon me. But what if we can’t tell the person, our abuser, what we would really like to say? The hurt and anger, the consequences from their actions, the sorrow that they have caused. What if they don’t care what we think? What if they’re thousands of miles away on a desert island with no means of contact or dead? What if we’re just afraid to say the things that we always wanted to say?

My first husband was a wife beater, an alcoholic, and a womanizer. When he was killed (I didn’t do it) I went back to the grave yard alone and sat looking at his tombstone. I cried, I screamed, I laughed, and I told him all the ways he had hurt me. I don’t remember how long I sat there pouring out everything I ever wanted to say to him. I loved you and you hurt me. I went with a heavy heart and even though he couldn’t hear me I left feeling free of all those feelings that had been bent up inside. I walked away feeling like I was walking on a cloud. The burdens of my heart was left behind as I drove away.

All of us have unspoken words to our abuser/s. Maybe we have lashed out at one time or another and they received it with a deaf ear. Maybe we’ve just had it all bottled up inside because “it wouldn’t do any good to say it.” Those unspoken words keep us in emotional bondage to the one who hurt us. We are still locked together with that person just as if we have handcuffs locked about our wrist.

Jesus does not want us bound to evil. He came that we may have life more abundant and that means free from not only the many issues that we grapple with from the abuse but the emotional ties of not being able to voice the hurt, anger, and pain we feel. Christ has the key to those handcuffs. Will you take it?

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Assignment: One of the most important assignments I’ll give.

Sit down with pen and paper and write a letter to your abuser. It will not be sent! You are the only one who will read it, if that is your choice. Pour your heart out! Hold nothing back! This isn’t a sweet, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but…” kind of letter. This is pouring out the hurt, the betrayal, the rage you feel, whatever it is you want to say.

The last three words of your letter should be, “I forgive you.” I know that’s a tall order, but Christ forgives us and we don’t deserve it either. If you can’t end your letter with those words, it’s okay. For now.

Freedom is yours if you’ll take the time to do this exercise.  If you have more than one abuser I suggest picking the one whom you feel hurt you the most, (if that’s possible) then when you’ve felt that freedom go back at another time and write to another, then another and do it until you have been set free from each. This is a safe means of letting out the anger, hurt, etc.

Let us know how you feel after writing the letter. It can be encouragement to the others in the group.

 

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

~~~~~

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” John 8:36

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Blessings to you.

 

 

Victory is ours

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“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13

 

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Blessings to you.

 

A Poem of Truth

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For those who have been forsaken

Know that the love was never real

The trust that you put in that person

was trust that Satan came to steal.

Don’t ever think that God has left you

He promised that He’d never do,

but the devil is a liar and

he has his angels, too.

The devil is a liar

But his lies are well disguised,

You’ll find them hidden in shadows of hope

when you’re in your darkest night.

Lies from demons will embrace you

to make the truth seem dim

But God’s angels will protect you

if you keep your trust in Him.

The lies of demons may present to you

a face of loving care,

but when you need them most

they’ll leave you lost and in despair.

Yes, the devil has his angels, too

but they’re out numbered two to one

so as you fight your battles still

know that the war’s already won.

Jesus came and died and rose again

and though the devil may cheat and steal,

you can know God’s love through His own Son

and depend on that love to be real.

by R.M.L. – Angels by Grace- May 1995

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Blessings to you.

Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D) Now called Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.)

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In the 1950’s or 60’s the book, “Three Faces of Eve” by Corbett H. Thigpen, M.D. & Harvey M. Cleckley, M.D. came out and was later made into a movie. It is the true story about a woman who had multiple personalities. It threw open the floodgates for much controversy. Is it true? She’s faking! There’s no such thing! The woman was made fun of by not only the public but well known psychiatrists.

Even today there are many psychiatrists who do not believe multiple personality disorder is a real disorder. Because these hurting patient’s hear voices in their head they are thrown in psych hospitals and deemed schizophrenic and given very potent drugs. The only problem is the drugs do not heal the patient from the shattering that has taken place within their mind. It does not heal the wounds of having been betrayed, brutalized, and shamed. Did you note I said they hear voices IN their head. That’s important.

The mind is a very delicate organ. With so much trauma and no normal way to cope the mind shatters into several parts. Drop a mirror on the floor from a height of about six feet and watch it shatter on impact. That gives a pretty accurate image of what sexual abuse to a child can do to the mind. It splinters into several parts.   images[11]

The child unknowingly creates “alters.” Many think of them as their little imaginary friends. There’s no imagination to it! It is real parts of the core person! Each “alter” has a specific purpose and hold specific memories.

Maybe one can relate in a teeny tiny way by thinking about the various roles we play. Early morning we’re Mom or Dad getting the kids off to school. The door slams, we’re suddenly the husband or wife kissing the other good-bye. Thirty minutes later we’re behind a desk giving orders to our employees. In these cases it is roles we are fulfilling. The alters have roles to fulfill also. Grab the pain, handle the experience at hand, protect the core child. In roles we are in control. With multiplicity, the alters are in control.

Schizophrenia is a chemical imbalance within the brain and can be treated with drugs. They also hear voices. When I worked with schizophrenic patients at the psych hospital I learned that in most cases the voices the schizophrenic hears is from OUTSIDE the head. The clock is talking to them, the walls are whispering, etc. With multiples the voices are strictly within the confines of their head.

Many Christian counselors think schizophrenia is demonically induced. I have no intention of getting into that debate. Schizophrenia is a mental disease. Multiplicity is an emotional disorder. Big difference! Multiplicity is a survival tool! It is a coping mechanism that saves the child because of the horrific acts done against the child. A toddler, or five year old,  cannot understand, cope, rationalize being raped (physical sexual abuse is rape) or with all the emotions involved with the ongoing atrocities. Her escape is within her.

Sexual abuse at an early age and long-standing is the main culprit. Other circumstances can cause personalities to develop but sexual abuse, ongoing, long-term, early age, is the main factor that brings about the shattering. A child develops it’s personality from birth to about 5 years old. If the child is being sexually abused during that time, if there is no escape, if there is no-one to turn to for help, if no help is given, the child turns within herself/himself to be able to cope with the horrors that are being done to her. It is a survival technique that the Lord has set in place to save this child from being totally destroyed emotionally.

Most times the child grows up without ever realizing alters have been created. Alters come in all sizes, shapes, male, female, child, teen, adult. By the time adulthood arrives hundreds of alters can be present.

The person may one day be a wild carefree party girl, the next she’s extremely shy. She can be the loving mother one minute and a woman from hell the next. She may be a secretary, teacher, preacher, or is gifted in art, music, paints. She may appear as a slob on Monday and a model from New York on Tuesday. Some will have a foreign accent, or knows a foreign language.

One indication is that the multiple’s handwriting styles change frequently. Another is one minute she needs glasses and the next her sight is perfect. She may have severe asthma and suddenly there’s no such thing. She looks in her closet and sees clothes she swears she never bought. She shows up in a hotel across the state line and has no clue how she got there. Her husband swears he told her about the boss coming for dinner and she’ll argue until she’s blue in the face that he did not tell her. Well, he didn’t tell her, he told one of her alters! This is called “switching.” One altar takes control then steps back and a different alter steps up. It’s as though there’s a room full of a wide variety of people – except there’s only one body in the room.

At some point the person may make statements such as, “I feel like I’m going crazy!” When things begin to get pretty out of control; suicidal thoughts, prolonged depression, out of control behaviors, psychiatric help is sought. Those that I have ministered to had no idea when they sought help that the core problem was sexual abuse nor did they have a clue that they had alters. They didn’t tell right away that they heard voices because that would mean, “I’m crazy as a loot and they’ll lock me away!”

In time and with much work and therapy the core person (the person God created before the abuse began) becomes aware of the alters. It’s done through a whole lot of journaling, therapy, and possibly medication. Eventually the core person can hear the alters talking and even communicate with the alters and with continued work, therapy, support, and of course Christ, healing and integration/wholeness begins to take place.

It is imperative that these hurting people not be condemned, judged, or made fun of. They are not a circus act and they are not crazy! 

If a pastor tells a victim he/she is possessed by the devil – you have just done unspeakable damage to that victim and I have absolutely nothing nice to say to you! 

These people need love, prayer, support, and therapy. It is a very long, hard, grueling journey down a path filled with pain like no-one can imagine. They will re-live that emotional pain as each alter is allowed to share what they experienced, why they were created, and how they can now help the core person.

Multiplicity is a very complicated disorder with lots of layers, twists, and turns. I have tried to put this in the simplest terms as an introduction to this devastating disorder to make people aware that it does exist, it is a reality, and it is not rare. There is so much more to it than I have dealt with here. There are several good books about this disorder. The one I have suggested below is  easy to read and covers more than I have been privy to explain here.

I have ministered to multiples, both men and women, and I have witnessed their journey to wholeness that comes by the grace of our Almighty God. He created a beautiful person with no intention of him or her being buried beneath layers of alters that were created to take the pain and experiences of the atrocities done to the innocent child.

There is hope and there is healing. You CAN become the person that God created you to be, whole!

~~~~~

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

Suggested reading:

51H2A7Q05ML._AA160_[1] “More Than One”  by Terry A. Clark, M.D.

Available at http://www.Amazon.com

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Blessings to you.

Cold snap or heat wave?

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In this 48th year of mine I have survived sexual abuse, depression, 2 teenage girls simultaneously, 1 ten year old boy on Ritalin, 27 years of marriage, remembering the abuse just 3 years ago, constant therapy (I’ve been IN therapy longer than most of my therapists!) but what I want to know is will I survive menopause?

I’ve been working up to this for a couple of years but it has recently hit hard. Last week I was in our first ladies meeting of the year at church and really enjoying the speaker when suddenly all I could think about was ripping all my clothes off and pouring ice water all over myself! I’ve read about this but never have so clearly experienced it.

Eventually, I had to get up and leave the meeting, a big no-no, especially at small group church functions, but what was I to do? My underwear was wet! I drove home with the windows down, it was about 40 degrees that night and hopped immediately into a cold shower. And I thought men were the only ones who needed cold showers! Whew!

This is something new for someone who has dressed in thermals for years. I’m saving a lot on our heating bill because I’m just not running the furnace during the day. And this is during our recent cold snap and snowy weather – a thoroughly enjoyable experience for me. Who needs a coat when the wind chill is -15? Just step outside and revel in the ultimate comfort zone!

Along with a new appreciation of below zero wind chill factors has come a spurt of mania for me. The years of depression have kept me in bed, on the couch, or in the hospital most of my life. Evidently, my body chemistry is changing completely. There are several cases of manic-depression in my family history and it looks like that is what I am going into. It’s a real switch for me to have this energy level. My psychiatrist (who is younger than me and doesn’t know near as much as I do about anything!) is switching my meds which is helping my constant buzzing around and inability to relax.

You want to see a clean house? After years of contention with my husband over the lack of organization around here (that’s dirt and constant clutter) he is pleased as punch over my new disorder – compulsive cleanitus! I’m talking shining toilets, dishes always done and the dishwasher emptied – a first in my lifetime. Beds are made, laundry finished and PUT AWAY IN DRAWERS THAT ARE NEATLY ORGANIZED, carpets vacuumed daily – sometimes twice when I forget that I already did it earlier, animals cages cleaned, pantry organized, all the crumbs out of the silverware drawer – the list goes on and on! I’ve actually thought about starting a maid service so I can get paid for some of this!

Well, just praise the Lord! He is truly restoring the years of the locust that were stolen from me and my family. He brought me through the depression and revealed the core of it through my memories. If I can survive that I can surely survive menopause! After all, He created this stage of our lives, too so He will provide the means to be in public places without ripping our clothes off! Bless His Holy Name. It really is kinda funny once I get into the cold shower and can think straight again! Meanwhile, my home is clean and my husband is very pleased.

God bless you all, whatever your body temperature. We are survivors!

Written by Sally – Angels by Grace – Feb. 1996

 

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Blessings to you.

 

Is the Lord speaking to you?

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It doesn’t matter what has transpired in your past or what you’re into now. Almighty God, through His Son Jesus Christ, accepts you right where you are at this very moment. Our journeys may have been troubled and may still be, but Christ knows our hearts. If we pray to Him to accept us, He accepts us instantaneously. There’s no, “I’ll get back with you on that.”

Faster than a blink of an eye He has sent His Holy Spirit to indwell you. His power and grace and forgiveness and mercy are there, that fast! If you would like the King of kings and Lord of lords to become your Lord and Savior pray this simple prayer:

Lord Jesus. I believe you are the Son of God.

I believe you died and arose for the forgiveness of my sins.

I ask you now to forgive me and cleanse me of my sins and come into my heart as my Savior.

I give you my life Lord.

In Jesus name. Amen

If you prayed that and accepted Christ as your Savior, welcome to His family. We, and the angels rejoice. Let us know in the comment section so we may welcome you and be of any help we can be in your new journey with Christ.

Blessings to you.

 

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