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“The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Gen. 3:13

All the way back to Adam and Eve “If only…” has been used to excuse our sins. Eve used the serpent as her excuse, Adam used Eve as his excuse. “She gave me… and I ate it…” (Gen 3:12) In other words “if the serpent hadn’t…” and “if Eve hadn’t offered me…” What would have happened if none of these “if only” excuses had not happened? What would have happened if the “if’s” were used in other ways?

All through the years people have pondered the “if’ only.” We usually use the “IF” for blame. In David A. Seamands book, “IF ONLY” he calls this “the Great Blame Game.” How true that is for even today! No-one wants to take responsibility for their choices or their behaviors. We always blame someone else or something else. The “IF” is complaining, regretting, or blaming.

I’ve done it myself! “If I hadn’t been abused…” “Lord, if you hadn’t given me these parents…” “If he hadn’t told me…”How many times we use the “IF” in complaining or as our excuse for our attitudes and/or behaviors! The Lord said that He can take what is meant for evil and turn it to good. (Gen. 50:20) Complaining, regretting, and blaming is not faith, it is sin.

Take for example the story of Christ raising Lazarus from the dead. Martha says to Jesus when He arrives, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John. 11:21) Sounds like an accusation and complaint to me. Can we relate? “They abused me and now I…” “If only God had stopped it…”

Did Jesus beg Martha for forgiveness? Did He look at her with an expression of, “Are you kidding me!?” Did He say, “If only it hadn’t been so far and my feet didn’t hurt I would have been here sooner?”  No! He turned that “If” into a challenge. “Jesus said to her, “‘Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40)

In one of my counseling sessions, it was pointed out that the Lord knows my pain and in great frustration, I blurted out, “But Jesus wasn’t sexually abused!”

So how can He relate to our pain?

*He was betrayed by those He loved. In my post, “What is sexual abuse” I stated that 90% of victims know their abuser.

*Jesus was beaten, spit on, and belittled. Sexual abuse also can involve being belittled by the abuser. Physical abuse is also involved. (I may discuss that later)

*He was hung naked on the cross. Crowds of people staring at Him. How humiliating is that!? Didn’t we feel humiliated?

*His friends fell asleep when He asked them to stay awake and pray for Him. They didn’t listen. Many of us have told someone what was happening and they didn’t listen.

Jesus knows your pain!

So how can we go from blaming, complaining, and regret to healing? First we must look at the past for what it is – the past. We are not being sexually abused now. We must choose to remain a victim or to be victorious. If guilt, shame, anger, hatred, bitterness and un-forgiveness is still a strong part of your life, you have remained a victim. Yes, you survived, but the bondage of victimization is still there. It’s time to let light in. “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” (Eph. 5:8)

IF we believe, we will see His glory.

IF we believe the Lord is our Counselor, we will see healing.

IF we believe, He will meet us where we are.

IF we believe, we shall walk in freedom.




Suggested reading: 51GOmvLGASL._AA160_[1]  It is available at

Discussion: Has starting a healing journal helped you? If not, why?


Ask the Lord to bring to mind the “IF”s” that you have used. List them.

Ask Him to shed His light on each “IF” you listed. What did He say? Write it down.


If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at:

Blessings to you and I hope to see you next week.



About Sue Cass

Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I am the founder and C.E.O. of Elah Ministries, Inc. A non-profit 501c3 ministry that offers hope, healing, and deliverance to hurting souls. Elah Ministries, Inc. is supported strictly by donations and the proceeds from the sale of my nine published books; both fiction and non-fiction. I hope this ministry and my books draws people closer to our Lord Jesus Christ.

8 responses »

  1. I have a few comments about what you wrote…one, Jesus felt all the worlds sin,pain from beginning to end at one time so he felt what we have felt. Two, its not all in the past…some still get triggered, and feel it over and over ….lets not lump everyones experience in one basket….some have had a one time event…others years…and we dont all work through it the same, we dont all have the resources maybe to afford a therapist….its all a process and can take time….dont want your artical to sound like ….its in the past get over it…and if you havent then heres some guilt and shame because you havent.

    • Hi Nessa3: Thank you for your input and I apologize profusely if my article came across to you as “its in the past, get over it.” I would never, ever say that to an abuse victim having heard it myself for a good part of my life. I know all to well, the deep hurt that stupid statement can cause. Healing from the atrocities done, be it a one time event or for years, can have the same devastating effects. The physical aspect of the abuse is in the past. The issues can still be very much alive. That’s why we need Christ’s healing and yes, healing is a long painful process and with Christ’s help we overcome the pain of what was done. I agree He knows all our pain and cries tears with us. If you re-read the end of my article I think it is quite clear that we have hope, healing, and God’s grace in the healing process by believing in His healing powers and taking comfort in knowing He is with us through it all.

  2. When first reading your most recent posting, I found myself wondering where this was going as I was really concentrating on the “excuses” that all mankind makes to cover so many of life’s difficulties. I am guilty of the “what if” thoughts in my own life. However, how you closed this writing out is awesome. It is positive and a directional method of turning all of this around for good in each of our lives. Thanks for showing light on a negative.

  3. Thanks Sue for this. Strangely enough I’ve never said that but I always and still do say ‘Why?’. This is on a bad day of course. Most of the time I am coming to accept I cannot change a thing. I do believe but sometimes Sue my faith is hanging by a thread again on a bad day. God Bless x

    • Hi Jacqui: We have all asked the question of “why?” I think that is one question, in many instances, we may never know. In abuse it’s because we live in a sin filled world. Humanity chooses to sin and we, unfortunately, are the recipients of some of that. “Why me?” is another. Because they could! Nobody stopped them. We all have bad days but the Lord gives us His strength to get through them. Just hang onto Him. Have a blessed week.

  4. Powerful and profound. ❤


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