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Confronting your Abuser

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Thunder sounded like bombs being exploded. Lightning streaked down, sizzling and dangerous from the sky as its deadly bolts slammed into the ground outside my bedroom walls. Sheets of rain pounded against the windows as though wanting to enter and drown me. Wind whipped through the tree branches ripping them from their trunks.

Suddenly it stopped. An eerie silence hung mysteriously. Not even a bird chirped. The clock ticked loudly in the silence.

I knew. I knew what was about to come and then it came. As the hail pounded against the roof, blasted horizontally against the windows I ran. Grabbing my Bible, my purse, and my dogs I ran to my walk-in closet. Cowering beneath the skirts, shirts, and slacks tears streamed down my face. Gasping from the sobs that forced their way past my lips as the wind howled outside I cried out to God. God I don’t want to die hating my Dad!

It seemed like all of my life I hated the man who was suppose to nurture me, keep me safe, feed me, clothe me, educate me, and raise me to love God and others. Instead he violated me, taught me to lie, to sneak about in the dead of night, to depend on myself and not scream or ask for help. He taught me to feel guilt when I was not the guilty one. He taught me to distrust any who got near. He taught me shame and that I was nothing; not in his eyes or God’s.

God, I don’t want to die hating my Dad.

As the tornado warning horns blared loudly through the trees the Lord said to me, “I want you to forgive your father. Not here in this closet. I want you to go to him tomorrow and forgive him to his face.” I agreed and sighed a sigh of relief when the warning horns finally stopped and I was able to leave the confines of my closet.

The next morning three of us entered my car for the fifty mile drive to confront my Dad. The three of us was not God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It was me, Christ, and Satan. At several points the enemy wanted to turn my car around. “Forget it! You don’t have to do this, he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.” I fought the steering wheel. Again I cried out to the Lord. “If You want me to do this Lord, you better take control of this car!”

He did.

I parked my car under the large Oak tree and began walking across the pasture toward my Dad’s front door. “What do I say, Lord?” I asked as I approached the front door. “I will speak through you. Trust Me child.” The door opened, in more ways than one.

Sitting across the table from my Dad I saw fear in his eyes. He didn’t know I was coming but somehow knew this wasn’t a social visit. “We need to talk,” I said softly. He just looked down at the table. “Why? Why, Daddy, did you do all those horrible things to me for all those years?” I had a sense that the words were not mine. That the voice coming from my lips was from the One who already knew the answers. A defiant look flashed in my Dad’s eyes as he boldly looked up at me and said, “You wanted it!”

I had confronted my Dad once before many years previously. When he said those same words to me at that time, I lost it! I went bolistic and screamed, cussed him, shook my finger in his face, and got nowhere except hating him more. He sat like a stone on the chair and listened. He ignored my pain and then got up and walked out with an air that he did no wrong and it was all my fault.

Not this time! It wasn’t Sue asking the questions. It wasn’t Sue doing the confronting. It wasn’t Sue who would lead this father to the realization that the child, his child, was not the one at fault. Softly the Lord’s words came, “How can a two year old child ask for sex? A two year old child doesn’t know what sex is.”

The Lord, and me, calmly waited for his reply.  “Well I must have been drunk and didn’t know what I was doing!” was my Dad’s next excuse and with each excuse the Lord very calmly confronted him with the truth. When the excuses ran out silence filled the room.

I looked across the table at this man I called Daddy and for the first time I really saw him. I was looking at an 85 year old man who had been physically and emotionally abused by his own father, sexually abused by his Dad, abandoned on a street corner and left to care for his mother and seven younger siblings at the age of seventeen. I saw an old man who didn’t know how to accept love or give love. I saw a man who had been given over to the enemy by no fault of his own.

Looking across that table at the man who now had his head lowered and tears streaming down his cheeks my mouth opened. Jesus stepped back and the words that came were mine. “Daddy? I forgive you. I forgive you for all the horrible things you did to me. I forgive you for all the things that you should have done, that you didn’t. I forgive you for not being the father to me that you should have been.”

My Dad sat sobbing. Through his tears he, for the first time ever, apologized for all the hurt he had caused me.

And then the real kicker came.

Reaching across the table I took his hand in mine and looked at his tear stained face. “I love you daddy. I loved you then and I love you now. What you did was wrong and I forgive you. That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. You still have to answer to God.”

The Lord showed me that it is those we love the most that are the ones who can shatter our hearts into a million pieces. I never dreamed there was an ounce of love in my heart for this man I called Daddy.

With God’s peace beginning to flow through me I cried all the way home.

~~~~~

“Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: “‘Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.” Jer. 1:9

Assignment:

Read: John 14:27 – Is.26:12 – John 8:32, 36 -Is. 43:2 – Is. 41: 10 – Ps.118:17

Now be still and ask the Holy Spirit what He wants to say to you.

If you have confidential questions/comments feel free to e-mail me at: elah501c@bellsouth.net

Blessings to you.

http://www.elahministries.com

http://www.suespen2paper.com

Published 2008 (2) May be purchased at http://www.elahministries.com  through PayPal.

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About Sue Cass

I am a follower of Jesus Christ and an abuse survivor. I am the founder & C.E.O. of Elah Ministries, Inc. A non-profit 501c3 ministry that offers hope, healing, and deliverance to hurting souls. I have seen the Grace of God work mightily in both individual lives (mine included) and through the support groups I have led. Elah Ministries, Inc. is supported strictly by donations and the proceeds from the sale of my books. My prayer is that all hurting souls may find God's freedom through His Grace, mercy, and healing. I have also penned six published books, both fiction and non-fiction, hoping to enlighten, uplift, and entertain in a way that honors my Heavenly Father and draws my readers closer to our Lord Jesus Christ. May God bless you with His peace, hope, love, and joy as you follow Jesus Christ.

5 responses »

  1. Bill McKinnon, Pastor

    An awesome testimony of the healing power of a loving God! Our heavenly Father is always seeking to redeem and restore any and all who come to Him through the Lord Jesus Christ! He will take us as we are and where we are and redeem us from that platform while, at the same time, restoring us to a higher and greater platform. Praise His Holy Name!!!

    Reply
    • Thank you so much Pastor Bill for your input. Father God is our Healer, for sure. He meets us where we are but also wants to bring us further along in our walk with Him and obstacles do get in the way if we let them. His grace is sufficient.

      Reply
  2. I remember writing my uncle a letter when he was in prison. I told him that I forgave him for what he did to me. I think I was between the ages of 8 – 10 years old at that time. I loved my uncle. Even still after what he did to me. So I knew it was only right that I forgive him.

    But now, after meditating on some things that I’ve learned, I find myself wanting to ask him some questions. However, I feel that I would only be asked why I’m even bringing it up again after all these years.

    I realize that you never have closer until you ask the hard questions. If you get answers, great. And if you don’t, great. The thing is that you asked. And soon one day, I know I will ask.

    Reply
    • Yes, Erica, one day you will ask those questions and I pray that the Lord will fill you with His words. It’s common for abusers to deny, blame, and “why now after all these years?” If that is asked it is the perfect opportunity to share how devastating and hurtful his actions were. They think nothing of the hurt they have caused but the Lord, through you, can help them face the reality of their actions. Hopefully leading them to ask for forgiveness. I never expected an apology but it was nice to get. My Dad’s tears showed me he finally “got it!” That encounter ended up planting a seed and my Dad got Saved 24 hours before he died at 87. Christ will do it through you when He knows the time is right.

      Reply

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